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For ten years, up until eight years ago (i.e. from 1993 – 2003) I served as a “hostess” at the Church Office Building. Due to my work situation, I had to quit. I have recently retired, though, I just started hosting again. The calling is consider a Church Service Mission, not a proselytizing mission. My primary responsibility is to take visitors to the building up to the 26th floor observation deck and from there to point out the sights and tell them a little bit about Salt Lake City. It takes up two afternoons a week and will do so for the next three years. I’ve been doing it again for three weeks and am wondering what I’ve gotten myself into. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe it’s just my imagination and maybe it’s that I’m being overly sensitive, but so far, every week there have been two or three “incidents” that have made me want to scream. So, here I am, asking for the rest of you heretics to give me some moral support. Here are some examples of what’s been going on. 1. Shortly after it was announced that Osama bin Laden had been killed, the hostesses were talking about the events of the prior days. One of them said that an American who was also a Muslim officiated in the brief service that was held before he was buried at sea. One of the hostesses said, “Yeah, it was probably Obama.” I wanted to say, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Instead, I said nothing.
2. After Jon Huntsman Jr. was interviewed recently and was less committal than Romney about his current activity in the Church, one of the hostesses said, “Huntsman can’t even decide whether he’s a Mormon or not.” I wanted to say, “He’s my kind of Mormon.” Instead, I said, “He probably just doesn’t want it to become the issue it’s been with Romney.”
3. We’re supposed to start each “tour” by taking visitors over to the large mural that fills one entire wall of the Church Office Building lobby. It’s the Harry Anderson picture of Christ with His eleven Apostles on the lower slope of the Mount of Olives, telling them to go and preach His gospel throughout the world. A couple of hostesses have made quite a big deal of the “fact” that His foot supposedly “follows you” as you walk from one end of the mural to the other. They say they always point this out to visitors. I wanted to say, “I don’t see His foot moving any more than I can see a picture of the Virgin Mary crying in the trunk of a tree or Jesus’ face in a piece of toast.” Instead, I said, “Well, it’s either an optical illusion (which I don’t believe it is) or it’s magic (which I don’t believe it is). That’s not something I mention to people since I don’t see it as important in the slightest.”
4. One hostess went on and on to me about her son who had been either a bishop or stake president for the last ten years. She concluded by saying, “There is no greater blessing than having good children.” I wanted to say, “Really? I wouldn’t know.” Instead, I said nothing.
5. I got called on the carpet the first week for supposedly not wearing nylons. I actually was wearing them, but they were the “toeless” kind that most women don’t even know they can buy. I wanted to say, “You should count yourself lucky that there is one women on your shift that doesn’t dress like she’s 20 years older than she actually is.” Instead, I hiked up my dress to show her that my garments were in fact under a pair of nylons.
6. One divorced hostess had recently moved to a new apartment. She said she liked the actual apartment but couldn’t stand the management. (Her reasons were absurd in my opinion.) I asked her if she planned on staying where she was or moving somewhere else. She said she didn’t know for sure yet, because the Lord hadn’t told her yet where He wanted her. I wanted to say, “He’s never really cared a whole lot where I choose to live. I wonder why.” Instead, I said nothing.
I could probably think of more examples. They are all so silly and trivial that I wonder why they even bothered me. I am just so frustrated at feeling like I don’t fit in and wondering how I’m going to take three years of feeling like a pariah.
WE all feel that way. Cwald who used to post here used an alien avatar since that’s how he felt at Church. I use a unicorn since it’s so rare it doesn’t even exist — except in our imagination. Many of us score in the outer rim of the Myers Briggs type inventory. Apparently, only 3% of the world fits my profile. And at Church — well, when I consider what I now know about myself, I’m confused about why I even joined the Church decades ago….I think it was a good heart that was blind to the things that would eventually get my angst all revved up. Now I break into Michael Jackson’s song “You are not alone”.
Katzpur … all I can say is … Oy Veh ❗ I’d have to develop a warped sense of humor to survive in that atmosphere. Keep us posted.
Drop everything and run. doug wrote:Drop everything and run.
I can’t do that. I have to deal with it. I just need to know that there are some people out there who would be as frustrated as I am. I need to know that the things that are bugging me would bug a few other people, too. When I hear remarks like those I mentioned, I want to be able to think, “It’s not just me. That’s stupid!”Hi Katzpur, Maybe you should get a tattoo on your left shoulder that says “LDS” and if anyone really, really bugs you just pull up your sleeve and say “you know what ? that person really needs a tattoo like this on their forehead !!” That might help you get through those “drive-you-up-the-wall” moments you often have to deal with.
BLC
Make up funny responses in your mind – but just make sure you don’t disengage your brain and actually say them. 😆 Seriously, people are weird – and that includes us. If you remember that and don’t expect anything of them, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and grateful when they deliver – and amused just as often.
Think what it would be like for them if you said some of the things you believe. Do unto others . . . and keep on keeping your mouth shut.
:clap: :clap: Old-Timer wrote:Do unto others . . . and keep on keeping your mouth shut.
:clap: :clap: Here here. We have learned over and over again that openly expressing unhappiness or angst with the Church is never appreciated by the local leaders — or the general membership.
Start a blog a vent online when you need to. I’ve found it very therapeutic, and it helps me keep my sanity when I hear something goofy at church. (Venting here is useful too.) Katzpur wrote:doug wrote:Drop everything and run.
I can’t do that. I have to deal with it. I just need to know that there are some people out there who would be as frustrated as I am. I need to know that the things that are bugging me would bug a few other people, too. When I hear remarks like those I mentioned, I want to be able to think, “It’s not just me. That’s stupid!”Well, you know you’ve come to the right place for commiseration. I was just kidding about running away, though that’s exactly what I feel I want to do at times. The kinds of thinking (or lack thereof) that you describe are precisely what make this whole thing difficult. We can talk about staying lds all day long, but figuring out how to deal with those attitudes and personalities in those kinds of situations is really where the rubber meets the road. They seem like little, inconsequential, even silly, things from a distance, but at the moment, at least for me, it can be really hard to maintain focus and do the right thing.
Katspur – I used to enjoy a feature in Mad Magazine called “Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Questions.” Your post reminded me of that! Here are some thoughts around each of your experiences: Quote:1. Shortly after it was announced that Osama bin Laden had been killed, the hostesses were talking about the events of the prior days. One of them said that an American who was also a Muslim officiated in the brief service that was held before he was buried at sea. One of the hostesses said, “Yeah, it was probably Obama.” I wanted to say, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Instead, I said nothing.
“You must have been hired here before they raised the IQ requirement.”
Quote:2. After Jon Huntsman Jr. was interviewed recently and was less committal than Romney about his current activity in the Church, one of the hostesses said, “Huntsman can’t even decide whether he’s a Mormon or not.” I wanted to say, “He’s my kind of Mormon.” Instead, I said, “He probably just doesn’t want it to become the issue it’s been with Romney.”
I think your comeback was actually probably spot on. Not sure what Huntsman meant, but he’s certainly not falling into the political trap his distant cousin has.
Quote:3. We’re supposed to start each “tour” by taking visitors over to the large mural that fills one entire wall of the Church Office Building lobby. It’s the Harry Anderson picture of Christ with His eleven Apostles on the lower slope of the Mount of Olives, telling them to go and preach His gospel throughout the world. A couple of hostesses have made quite a big deal of the “fact” that His foot supposedly “follows you” as you walk from one end of the mural to the other. They say they always point this out to visitors. I wanted to say, “I don’t see His foot moving any more than I can see a picture of the Virgin Mary crying in the trunk of a tree or Jesus’ face in a piece of toast.” Instead, I said, “Well, it’s either an optical illusion (which I don’t believe it is) or it’s magic (which I don’t believe it is). That’s not something I mention to people since I don’t see it as important in the slightest.”
I think you should make up your own fake optical illusion, like one of the apostle’s eyes is always looking at the bosom of female patrons.
Quote:4. One hostess went on and on to me about her son who had been either a bishop or stake president for the last ten years. She concluded by saying, “There is no greater blessing than having good children.” I wanted to say, “Really? I wouldn’t know.” Instead, I said nothing.
You could have said, “Oh, does your son have good children? Not your typical bishop’s kids, I guess!”
Quote:5. I got called on the carpet the first week for supposedly not wearing nylons. I actually was wearing them, but they were the “toeless” kind that most women don’t even know they can buy. I wanted to say, “You should count yourself lucky that there is one women on your shift that doesn’t dress like she’s 20 years older than she actually is.” Instead, I hiked up my dress to show her that my garments were in fact under a pair of nylons.
You could suggest that they install the new TSA screening devices to ensure everyone is wearing nylons and garments. Or you could ask to see hers now that you showed her yours and explain “I thought that was the game we were playing.”
Quote:6. One divorced hostess had recently moved to a new apartment. She said she liked the actual apartment but couldn’t stand the management. (Her reasons were absurd in my opinion.) I asked her if she planned on staying where she was or moving somewhere else. She said she didn’t know for sure yet, because the Lord hadn’t told her yet where He wanted her. I wanted to say, “He’s never really cared a whole lot where I choose to live. I wonder why.” Instead, I said nothing.
You should tell her, “The Lord probably did tell you, but he sent the letter to your new address. You’ll have to figure out where that is to get it.”
Seriously, though, people are not that smart, but it’s also easy to paint with a broad brush on these things. There are also many mormons who don’t need the second “m” removed.
Katspur, My heart really goes out to you. Those kind of comments would really bother me too. I used to hear dumb comments like that from other missionaries when I was on my mission. Stuff like, Elders testifying at the door of some Austrian lady who rejected them and then saying, “Well, she had her chance.”
A few years back I took my Danish friend who was visiting in Salt Lake through the Conference center to look at the Arnold Frieburg paintings and others. The hostess who was taking us through knew so little about church history. My Danish friend told her he was a new convert that had really studied church history before joining the church and asked her if she knew there were other versions of the First Vision where JS said he only saw the Father and not the Son. She had no clue. This same Danish friend asked a Danish sister missionary and her companion who had over for dinner if they knew about JS’s other wives. One of the sisters was shocked and said she had no clue JS had any other wives besides Emma.
Basically, you are dealing with the lds culture and ignorance and all you can do is say in your head, “Father, Forgive them for they know not what they do.” It would serve no good purpose with smart comebacks. But, Jesus always answered a question with a question and tried to show people the error of their thinking, so maybe you will be inspired to do that from time to time.
And don’t worry about ‘fitting in’, Jesus did not ‘fit in’ either and so you are in good company. The quote you gave that actually irrated me the most is the one on ‘good children,” I would have been very tempted to say, “You know, my greatest blessing has come from my gay son. Because of him I have been able to love and minister to so many of God’s precious gay children and I have changed and grown the most from. How has having ‘good children’ made you grow and build your character?”
For now, visualize a Donut with a hole in it. You can either look at the hole and what’s missing with your fellow workers or focus on the donut and the good about each person. That is how I have survived living in my marriage at times.
God bless, Bridget
Just walking around my little town yesterday afternoon, I was met with all sorts of little events like the ones you’ve described. It’s funny, but now instead of getting all worked up (Oh I still get worked up but ….) I seem to talk myself down a bit and try to understand where the people are coming from. It seems that most people are not “blessed” with this “trial”. You will always have a good place vent here. And doesn’t it feel great to know that there are others out there who feel similarly. Compassion and love are our biggest lessons to learn as we walk this journey. AND BOY DO WE GET LOTS OF CHANCES TO PRACTICE!! You could also try xanax. (I’m joking only a little….
😆 )Quote:5. I got called on the carpet the first week for supposedly not wearing nylons. I actually was wearing them, but they were the “toeless” kind that most women don’t even know they can buy. I wanted to say, “You should count yourself lucky that there is one women on your shift that doesn’t dress like she’s 20 years older than she actually is.” Instead, I hiked up my dress to show her that my garments were in fact under a pair of nylons.
This would really bug me. I don’t really like comments about appearance at all. My solution is to dress and act in ways that don’t raise any objections. I detest having to do that, but it pre-empts the situation from ever occurring.
Quote:One divorced hostess had recently moved to a new apartment. She said she liked the actual apartment but couldn’t stand the management. (Her reasons were absurd in my opinion.) I asked her if she planned on staying where she was or moving somewhere else. She said she didn’t know for sure yet, because the Lord hadn’t told her yet where He wanted her. I wanted to say, “He’s never really cared a whole lot where I choose to live. I wonder why.” Instead, I said nothing.
For this one, I’d try some reframing. Reframing is where you put your own interpretation and spin on the words of someone else. In this case, I might say “She still hasn’t made up her mind”, or “It sound like you’re still thinking about it”, or something that gets it out of the annoying “God tells me what to eat for breakfast mentality”. I use reframing a lot these days, and it does wonders in conversation.
(nevermind…) HiJolly
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