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I’m having a hard time of it today. Church starts in 10 minutes and I’m not showered and dressed, nor is my son. My wife left without us so she can be on time with her calling. I have no desire to go other than perhaps to get some positive feedback from some participants in a social event I held at my house for neighbours (non-mem) and members at my house this week — perhaps saying they want to do it again sometime or they had a good time.
Beyond that, my heart shrinks when I think of attending the long and drawn out meetings that I’ve seen OVER AND OVER again, and I don’t even feel like pushing my young son to get dressed and go. He’d be just as happy to stay at home and watch a movie with me, I’m sure, and has absolutely no desire — in spite of the fact that I hide my attitudes from him and never say anything negative about the Church around him.
Perhaps it’s something you can’t hide….but my daughter is in a different country with some less active relatives and found a ride to the local Church, and she’s only 12 years old, and self-sufficient in the gospel so far. So, someting is clicking on some level in the family, but not with my son, or myself….
Ho hum, this is hard. I seem to be getting worse now that I’ve been away for two weeks on vacation and have felt liberated from the boring habits of our religion, and don’t have a calling to keep me involved. Perhaps this will pass….
Sorry to hear you’re bumming today, SD. I’m taking my 12 yr old son on a bike ride today instead of church. We have scriptures on my iPod, and we’ll ride for an hour or so, stop and I plan to read with him and discuss the gospel.
Its summer. There are lots of people out of town or traveling, that it isn’t too noticeable I’m not there (even if my wife is). Perhaps in Sept when school starts I’ll feel more the need to get into a routine and get the family to church each week, but for now, I am feeling in my heart that a summer break and focus on the relationships with family is important to me. Church will still be there for me later, and I anticipate I’ll need to re-engage. But I’m still testing my “How long can I stay away” current practice before I really feel something is missing in my life, or the lives of my kids.
If you do end up going today, be honest with yourself if it was really worth it. Find some good and remind yourself it was worth it because of those things, even if the whole 3 hrs wasn’t the best. If you don’t go today, trade up and find something worthwhile so your day is uplifting. You can choose. It isn’t always easy, but you can choose what you think is right for you.
Sorry to hear that, SD. I don’t mean to heap anything on you right now, but I just got back from church and had a really good few hours. (I’ll explain in a different thread.) All I can say is what I always say:
Quote:Your life is your life, and you need to do what you feel you should do.
I wish I had more, but that’s it right now.
I’ve felt that way from time to time. Last Sunday, it was all I could do to overcome the inertia and go. Then when I got there, something was said in RS that bothered me terribly and I got up and walked out. I don’t usually do that but I just couldn’t sit through what was being said and I didn’t have the energy to take a stand. Sunday School was wonderful though and made me glad I went to church. Today, I also felt like skipping church but I was subbing in Primary again and had no choice. For the second week in a row, I left feeling very glad that I’d attended. Our small ward really is like a family and I love the people there, even the ones who get on my nerves. I know I annoy people sometimes but they put up with me and treat me well and I know they love me, too.
I just have to keep reminding myself that
weare the church and that our experiences as a community are only what we make of them. Well, I went. I took some good books with me. Arrived a half hour late, but got my son to his class. Then I crashed HP meeting and half-listened; it kind of depressed me as everyone around me had health problems or seemed out of it. One is an amputee with similar health problems as myself, but sorely advanced. Sunday School, I holed up in a classroom and read a few chapters of the Book of Mormon, starting from the beginning, which was not to bad. Actually enjoyed myself. Then I sat in Sacrament meeting and plugged my ears and kept reading the BoM. The talks were nearly intolerable — people who are English as a Second Language who spoke monotone and in halting English. However, I did get to interact with a few people who want to do the social event at my house again, hunted down, and never found, a member who I bought something for on my trip to Utah (it felt good to be giving), and offered to help someone moving figure out how to list their stuff on Craigslist and Facebook….and then afterwards, visited a HT family recovering very well from a topical skin cancer, and offered my services this week to get him to a doctor. Also connected with a member of the Ward with a daughter the same age as my son and invited him to come over with her some time. That was good.
Was I glad I went? 50/50. Glad I forced myself to go. As long as I’m allowed to feed myself spiritually in ways I feel are best — and if that means stuffing my ears in sacrament and reading the scriptures, or using the time in Sunday school to read alone in a room, and connecting with people in the hall — so be it — it’s tolerable and partly uplifting when you integrate the scripture reading.
Would I rater be camping with my son? Yes!!! But I’m glad he’s still getting the exposure. He even sat up through Sacrament rather than stretching out for a nap on the pew, at my insistence.
And so, the beat goes on.
PiperAlpha wrote:Sorry to hear you’re bumming today, SD.
I’m taking my 12 yr old son on a bike ride today instead of church. We have scriptures on my iPod, and we’ll ride for an hour or so, stop and I plan to read with him and discuss the gospel.
Its summer. There are lots of people out of town or traveling, that it isn’t too noticeable I’m not there (even if my wife is). Perhaps in Sept when school starts I’ll feel more the need to get into a routine and get the family to church each week, but for now, I am feeling in my heart that a summer break and focus on the relationships with family is important to me. Church will still be there for me later, and I anticipate I’ll need to re-engage. But I’m still testing my “How long can I stay away” current practice before I really feel something is missing in my life, or the lives of my kids.
If you do end up going today, be honest with yourself if it was really worth it. Find some good and remind yourself it was worth it because of those things, even if the whole 3 hrs wasn’t the best. If you don’t go today, trade up and find something worthwhile so your day is uplifting. You can choose. It isn’t always easy, but you can choose what you think is right for you.
It’s worth it for my kids to get exposure to kids with other families who are trying to be good. Worth it to keep my wife happy. She leaves the room when I say my true thoughts about the Church, unfortunately. It upsets her, although she seems to understand why my commitment has waned. It’s a hard thing.
I like your idea of trading up. I’m trying to figure out cheap ways of getting away on the weekends over the summer. Problem is it’s blistering hot in my area of the world, so getting away will involve a hotel or motel. I can’t with conscience just blow off Church while I go somewhere locally, unfortunately. I KNOW that will instantly propel my son into a mode where we no longer wants to go to Church at all.
SD, I admire your resolve to sacrifice for those you love. You are a good example. Don’t forget you have a stewardship to your soul also. Hopefully you feel blessed for taking your son to church and reading on your own. But if there are times you need a break for yourself, remember that it would be ok to do something to keep yourself sane and loving so you can be at peace and feel the spirit.
But I think your resolve to keep trying for family sake is also worthwhile. You get a gold star for today
I’m with you. I went over and did my music commitment for Priesthood Meeting and dropped off my daughter, then went back and picked my wife, who was running late. When we got there, we just couldn’t face the lessons. We ended up going on a ride, then coming back for my chorister gig in Sacrament Meeting.
Still trying to work out how to be an active non-believer. Nuts.
Pretend you’re an eternal investigator, sent to observe the Mormons. Works for plenty of non-member spouses who attend every week with their families. 
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. We all have to find a way to cope; and it will be unique for each of us… Interesting development….as I was committed and ready go to Church this Sunday, a manager from my work came over and wanted to shoot the breeze. So, I let him, and he started sharing information that was highly relevant to my job and my future at the company. We ran over time and by the time he left, we were 10 minutes late for Church, and I wasn’t even dressed yet. My son, suprisingly, chastised me for being late to go to Church, citing the fact that he entirely missed his class last week and wasn’t too happy about that! He was already dressed for it as well, even though I only told him once a couple hours before he had to get ready. And all this time I thought he was totally disengaged from the whole Church experience.
I was REALLY surprised. And it puts more pressure on me. I also find the more I’m away the less and less inviting it is to go back again….something to watch out for. It was easier this Sunday not only because of my son’s prodding, but because I forced myself there last week.
Kids are surprising, aren’t they. For me, that kind of interest would definitely prod me to want to continue to go and be together as family during those hours. I have noticed my kids get frustrated with being tardy. If they have decided they are going…they prefer to be early, not late. That’s been my experience.
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