- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
This topic has come up as a facet of other discussions we’ve had, but I feel it’s valuable enough to stand on its own. Since I’ve put some boundaries on my relationship with the Church, I have been MUCH happier in it. Since I’ve decised I don’t move people unless I really want to, don’t clean the chapel unless I really want to, and don’t get involved with time-wasting activities unless I really want to, and don’t hold callings unless I feel I can realistically balance the time with other important interests in my life — I feel WAY happier. Life is so much easier and Church far less intrusive, and I feel more of my life is invested in activities that I find engaging and fulfilling.
So, my question, how do you set healthy boundaries in your life? What are some typical areas where setting boundaries can produce happiness in your own situation? How do you stop boundary-setting from turning into arrogance, stubborness, or other personality characteristics that are undesireable?
It might sound simplistic, but I do everything I feel I can do within the constraints of maintaining a balanced life – but only what I feel I can do and still maintain a balance. My priorities are family, job, then church – but I do some church-related things instead of some family and job things occasionally when there is a conflict. I just make sure I go through the evaluation process each and every time there is a conflict to make sure if I do something church-related that I believe it won’t hurt my family or my job. If I can’t do it, I can’t do it – and I refuse to feel guilty about it. Period.
I second Rays comments about not feeling guilty when saying “No”. Also, I remind myself, and sometimes others that callings and assignments come from 3 sources: inspiration, perspiration, and desperation. Moreover, I must feel good about a calling before I will accept it. I routinely tell the person making the calling that I want to take time to pray about it, and ask if I can give him an answer in a couple of days. I’ve never had any problem with that. So that gives me a lot of comfort as I make a decision independent of the person calling me. I just don’t believe that I have any obligation to subsume my judgement to the judgement of my leaders, although certainly will consider their requests. I set the boundaries based on experience, and then make constant corrections. When I start feeling selfish, I give a little more. When I start feeling exhausted, I become more selfish of my time and needs. Its important to me to let things happen and not try to prevent all problems, because no matter what boundaries I set today, tomorrow may be different, and I have to let go of expectations that my boundaries will prevent all problems. Boundaries are helpful to communicate expectations to other people, but they can be changed. Experience so far has helped me identify geographic boundaries that work for the most part. My body is my personal space and I control it. My home is my responsibility, and I work to make may family happy in all ways I see fit. My career is critical and requires constant nurturing to provide for my family. My ward is my bishop’s responsibility … and he can have it…I am willing to help when needed, and not help when the home requires me. From there on out…I don’t spend much time worrying about boundaries…my community, my church, my nation … they require little directly from me. I focus at home the most.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.