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It has been a while, but it looks like my name may have come to the top of “The Rescue” list again. The visit is scheduled for this afternoon, different priesthood leader this time (the others were from the bishop and HPGL). I have not had a “rescue” attempt since I’ve been coming here, and my perspective and willingness to share my thoughts have changed quite a bit since the last one. In my previous visits I had been pretty frank about my lack of belief in things like prayer and revelation, so it will be interesting to see what he knows and what he asks about. My stance is that you have to give them nothing to go on — or they will hold it against you over the long-term. Whatever you say will be all over PEC…I view it as if the press has asked me to comment on some controversial action I have taken, and its like a scrum. I usually stonewall, indicating full activity isn’t something I feel passionate about right now, etcetera. I comment that we have all been in the church for decades (if true) so any conversation we could have right now, we would have had several times with other people in the past — I don’t see the point of going into it. I usually end with some hope of returning to full activity some time, but not right now.
Good luck — looking forward to hearing how it goes if you want to share afterwards
I agree with you, SD, mostly from what I have learned here. Unfortunately I have already spilled the beans in the past at the rescue attempts I didn’t know were rescue attempts. But as I said, my perspective and willingness to be open have changed over the past few months I have been here. Anyway, the guy just called and rescheduled for next Sunday because he came up with a conflict.
All said with a smile: Quote:“I’m doing really well right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“I’m working through a bunch of things right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“Pres. Uchtdorf said there’s room in the Church for people who see things differently than others. I’m figuring out exactly what I personally believe right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“No, I don’t want to talk about anything specific right now. I’ll let you know if I have any specific questions. Thanks for your concern.”
DarkJedi – best of luck with the delayed visit. I agree with what has been said so far that you don’t have to give them lots of details. Old-Timer wrote:All said with a smile:
Quote:“I’m doing really well right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“I’m working through a bunch of things right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“Pres. Uchtdorf said there’s room in the Church for people who see things differently than others. I’m figuring out exactly what I personally believe right now. Thanks for your concern.”
Quote:“No, I don’t want to talk about anything specific right now. I’ll let you know if I have any specific questions. Thanks for your concern.”
Given I’m going to be involved in “The Rescue” as BML, I really, really want to start with this attitude in mind. Given I can strongly empathize with people who stay away (or only just stay) I hope I can be a better visitor. A sister came to church last week that we’d not seen in months. I’ve known her a few years so went and gave her a hug. I told her we’d be happy to come and visit her if that’s what she wanted but would also be very comfortable respecting her space if that’s what she needed at the moment.
I’ve got my first branch council this Tuesday. It’ll be interesting to see how I get on with that approach with a bunch of auxiliary presidents
Here’s a stumper: “When I come to church the Spirit flees…and so do I.”
After visiting over 200 homes and trying to “commit” scores of less active people to activity, I would like to add my own version of a successful rescue effort. “Make the experience so good that when people spontaneously come to church, they are inspired to come again”.
I can cite one Ward that did this. I had been less active for about 7 years, and had moved into the area. Our family started attending the Ward and it totally energized us. I ended up in the Bishopric, started paying tithing again, went to the temple monthly, and started really engaging with the experience.
In short, the Ward met my expectations of what a Ward full of people who had made baptismal commitments should be doing — at least — enough people did it that I could believe in it. We came home spiritually fed and it ignited my desire to be part of the experience again.
i “liken” the church to a restaurant that advertises the best hamburgers in the world. And then, when you show up for the hamburgers, they are out of them. Not so in all Wards, but its been the rule rather than the exception in my three decades in the church.
SilentDawning wrote:After visiting over 200 homes and trying to “commit” scores of less active people to activity, I would like to add my own version of a successful rescue effort.
“Make the experience so good that when people spontaneously come to church, they are inspired to come again”.
I can cite one Ward that did this. I had been less active for about 7 years, and had moved into the area. Our family started attending the Ward and it totally energized us. I ended up in the Bishopric, started paying tithing again, went to the temple monthly, and started really engaging with the experience.
In short, the Ward met my expectations of what a Ward full of people who had made baptismal commitments should be doing — at least — enough people did it that I could believe in it. We came home spiritually fed and it ignited my desire to be part of the experience again.
I would love to hear what the church did or said that made it work for you.
Could you share with us?
I’ve said for a long time that the best thing we can do in terms of reactivation is to make our meetings more spiritually filling. Quote:I would love to hear what the church did or said that made it work for you.
Could you share with us?
1. They were organized and prepared. Almost every sacrament meeting talk, every lesson, every leader showed there had been significant preparation for whatever they undertook.
2. The comments of teachers and participants were full of intelligence. I felt like I couldn’t keep up — they made me stretch.
3. They were friendly to me personally. When we finally moved into the ward as a family, I had so many people walk up to me and introduce themselves out of friendliness. It was great.
4. There was an absence of class structure. There were a lot of people who were average people — low to medium incomes. But many of the people there were highly talented, self-employed people, managers, lawyers — people of talent and substance. Many had huge homes and a substantial amount of wealth. It was widespread. Talent and wealth without the arrogance. And you couldn’t see any evidence of cliques or anything. Everyone worked together.
[note: it wasn’t the wealth that attracted me, though, it was their absence of arrogance in spite of the wealth]
5. They were doers. They worked on projects without any of the drama or conflict that I normally see. Everyone followed through on assignments. I saw the handbook almost fully implemented even though it wasn’t a Utah ward. i remember asking for chapel cleaners in priesthood. 3/4 of the room filled with hands — and these were members of the Stake Presidency, youth, and average people too. The commitment was infectious!
6. It culminated when I was asked to join the Bishopric. All the people in the Ward — these talented people and average people alike accepted me and treated me with the same deference you would give to anyone in a position of authority. I was amazed that they accepted me the way they did — even though many had much more talent and experience in the church and outside the church than I did. I even made mistakes at the pulpit when I was new and I didn’t feel any kind of lack of respect or anything — just support.
7. I felt the spirit regularly. Almost every Sunday I came home feeling “swept” inside — cleansed, so to speak. My wife reported the same thing.
I could go on — but the short answer is that they lived the gospel in all respects. And they had humility at the same time. They lived it the way I thought we were supposed to live it — and met my expectations of what it means to commit to a religion.
It was deeply inspiring and activated me and my family — and it lasted for a few years, even after we moved into a Ward that was exactly the opposite of this particular Ward.
SilentDawning wrote:
It was deeply inspiring and activated me and my family — and it lasted for a few years, even after we moved into a Ward that was exactly the opposite of this particular Ward.
Wow. What a ward. Sounds like it was amazing.Once you moved, what changed for your church attendance…or did it change?
Thanks for the advice all. Indeed, I plan to be as vague as possible this time around, unlike my previous two visits. But now I have the whole week to fret about it. Fortunately it’s the holiday season and I have a lot to do. Prayer seems to be a sticking point for me in these kinds of visits, not that other things aren’t. Although thinking about it, the last visit there was no prayer – but I had stated my views on prayer pretty clearly. My basic thought is that I don’t care if you (as the visiting leader) want to pray, but it’s a waste of my time. So in the visit where there was one, I basically said that. In the rare home teaching visits I let my wife deal with it. Any tips on dealing with the question if it arises? (I can be diplomatic and say something along the lines of “go ahead” as long as I don’t feel I’m being pressured to say it.) DarkJedi wrote:Thanks for the advice all. Indeed, I plan to be as vague as possible this time around, unlike my previous two visits. But now I have the whole week to fret about it. Fortunately it’s the holiday season and I have a lot to do. Prayer seems to be a sticking point for me in these kinds of visits, not that other things aren’t. Although thinking about it, the last visit there was no prayer – but I had stated my views on prayer pretty clearly. My basic thought is that I don’t care if you (as the visiting leader) want to pray, but it’s a waste of my time. So in the visit where there was one, I basically said that. In the rare home teaching visits I let my wife deal with it. Any tips on dealing with the question if it arises? (I can be diplomatic and say something along the lines of “go ahead” as long as I don’t feel I’m being pressured to say it.)
I would claim your right as “head of the household” (as much as some people don’t like the patriarchal implications of that phrase). YOU decide who says the prayer. Pick your wife and ask her to keep it short and vague.
The prior visits have been one-on-one and I’m assuming this one will be, too. He did make the appointment with me, no mention of other family being there. In the past invoking the head of household idea meant no prayer. QuestionAbound wrote:SilentDawning wrote:
It was deeply inspiring and activated me and my family — and it lasted for a few years, even after we moved into a Ward that was exactly the opposite of this particular Ward.
Wow. What a ward. Sounds like it was amazing.Once you moved, what changed for your church attendance…or did it change?
I’ve had a tumultuous time in the church since I joined 30 years ago. Largely due to the behavior of leaders who convinced me they cared more about the church than about individual needs or our core principles (I have some startling stories). There have been several times when our core values have been juxtaposed with organizational interests, and the leaders chose the church interests every single time, leaving me out to dry.
In the new Ward, I saw similar behavior. I won’t go into specifics, but there was a revolt by some Ward leaders against me as HPGL, distribution of a very mean-spirited email to the entire leadership that represented a personal attack on me personally. Our Bishopric did nothing.
I continued in the calling for two more years and had some good results, but eventually grew burned out and was diagnosed (for the first time in my life) with clinical depression. I had been workign part-time, full-time, going to school for 2 Master’s degrees, and my son got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 6 years of age during this time. I could not bring myself to work anymore…. I asked to be released, without disclosing the reasons why as I felt it would limit the callings I would be extended in the future if I told them.
The Stake President took his time, gave me a handshake two months later, and then FINALLY released me officially two months after that. High Councilor could not care less when I called asking for an update.
That four month period was torment for me because I take my commitments seriously. I felt I could no longer function in the calling with the depression, but didn’t want to have to disclose that depression….and people kept at me to do the calling, which I felt I couldn’t do anymore. It was extremely frustrating for me.
This was the last straw for me, in retrospect. I felt like a used tool in the church again — for the leaders to do whatever they wanted with me while I sat there with pressing needs, languishing.
Taken with a group of mean youth who repeatedly bullied my daughter (culminating with their ambushing her, putting duct tape over her mouth and then carrying her into a room to forcibly confine her and bind her hands and feet), I’d about had it.
My family left that Ward and attends another one now — even though we don’t live in it.
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