Nice email from someone expressing thanks

Dear StayLDS Folks,

I stumbled across the “HOW TO STAY IN THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS AFTER A MAJOR CHALLENGE TO YOUR FAITH” article last night after having another exhausting conversation with my husband about my “church issues.” I decided to do what I considered a Hail Mary and google “How to stay Mormon if you have issues with the teachings.” I was gearing up to sift though a lot of negative anti-mormon propaganda but instead came across the staylds article. I have to say, up to this point, I didn’t know anything like this exists. The main problem I have faced with my religion throughout my life is the thought that it’s an all-or-nothing organization. Trying to find my place inside the Utah Mormon crowd has been a hopeless and daunting feat for me my entire life. I have asked myself many times why I belong to a religion that leaves me feeling like an unwanted stepchild. I am not a soft spoken, meek and mild, casserole baking, enrichment night loving, 21 year old bride, stay at home mom, relief society sister. Nor have I ever wanted to be.

I have been asking the hard questions about my faith since I was a Sunbeam. I can’t help it. That is who I am. My entire life I have been asking and asking and asking family, friends, church leaders all kinds of questions about church subjects ranging from why do so many LDS people think it’s a good idea to get married young, to blacks and the priesthood and everything in between. I have been searching not necessarily for absolute truth, but honesty. Everyone I talk to gets really offended and defensive by my curiosity. After about age 16, I just stopped asking because it was causing me to be judged and labeled as a bad person. This has always baffled me.

Long story short, I got married in the temple thinking that because I have proven myself worthy this is something I should do. Perhaps this new level of commitment would help me to come to terms with all of the unanswered questions and all of the less than ideal experiences I have had with my faith in my life. Perhaps temple worship is the key to feeling a sense of belonging in a religion that has felt so foreign to me my entire life. Maybe I could make sense of all of the things I took issue with and find a workable existence in the church. I attended the temple regularly for years and although it was beautiful and uplifting, it didn’t help me to feel more at home in this religion. It didn’t help me to feel less guilt about the nagging questions I continued to have. It didn’t help me feel anymore adequate as an LDS person and it didn’t help me to figure out how to exist in this church of perfect automatons. I just continued to feel like someone was slipping me crazy pills. I couldn’t be the only person alive that feels this weird at church. Why doesn’t anyone talk about anything candidly? The only people I knew that would allow themselves to have an honest conversation about the church were bitter “inactives.” Growing up in the church, I have seen active members of the church drop like flies for one reason or another, yet all of the active members of the church just see this as a weakness on the part of the inactive individual and would readily dismiss it, refusing to consider that God’s perfect system has any share of the responsibility.

Now as a full-time working mom with a husband in school who also works. Church participation has become very trying. How does one exist in an all-or-nothing organization with extremely traditional definitions of gender roles with a life like mine? Relief society has become a source of pain for me as a working mother. No one except my psychologist has been fully aware of my resentment, anger, and serious contemplation to throw in my Mormon towel. My psychologist has challenged me to seek out sources that could provide me with a more middle ground approach.

Stumbling across your article has helped me in more ways than you could possibly understand. I feel that a huge weight has been lifted. It all makes so much sense to me and I feel completely different about my faith than I have ever felt before. All of a sudden I feel that so many things have fallen into place. Years and years of having a knot in my stomach are starting to fade. I love it and I cant wait to gobble up some more.

Thank you SO much,

Annie Jensen