The Church is the Same Wherever You Go – Except It’s Not

So true… although (re the comments section) never refer to the Finns as Scandinavians (they don’t like it)… they don’t mind being called Nordic, but they’re not Scandinavians in their own eyes. Subtle difference.

We definitely do not have a sauna night here, and our connections with BYU are fragmented. Very few people go to BYU from here, but one of my HTs is starting a course there just now.

Some differences are true for Mormons everywhere but the United States: very few of my ward members have attended BYU or a CES course, and even fewer have a relationship with any General Authority, past or present. We have no welfare farms, bishop’s storehouses, early morning seminary or church sports leagues. There is no Deseret Books or Meridian Magazine or food storage industry in Finnish. None of my fellow ward members have ancestors that crossed the plains or practiced polygamy. Pioneer Day passes without recognition. As a result, local Mormon culture has a different aspect, smaller and more compact in the lives of Mormons.

Virtually no one in the ward has these things, bar a few Americans. We do have early morning seminary, but no leagues, farms or storehouses. Deseret Books can be accessed via the net.

We do not have much of a secular Mormon culture here. No one’s really heard of Mormon novelists or musicians here.

The great trek west is of interest to me, but has no relevance to my family background.

It would be almost unheard of for one ward member to criticize another, for the way they dress or how their children behave, for instance.

This is more and more the case, although I do see women being told off for wearing short skirts or pants.

If American Mormonism is lurching toward normality, in most of the world it remains completely marginal.

I tend to disagree with this. It’s true of most of the world, but is it true of Polynesia, or parts of Canada and Mexico?

I’m from the northwest and a few years back we were in Kanab for a few days visiting the parks. We went to sacrament meeting and while waiting for the meeting to start noticed that someone had forgotten to bring the bread and I thought to my self “the church really is the same everywhere”.

It really does vary, even outside the US. For example, those I know from UK and Australia are actually much more likely to have met a GA personally than those I know in the US. I grew up in a ward in PA (where Mormons were as rare as hens’ teeth and pretty much everyone was first or second gen convert), and Pioneer Day was not celebrated until the one family with pioneer heritage pushed the issue (when she became Primary President). The rest of us were kind of “meh” about it. I consistently found that members who came to our PA ward from Utah wanted to colonize us to do things the way they were done in Utah, even when there was not a cultural fit. I also saw this in Spain on my mission. One of the elderly sister missionaries insisted that the RS women be taught to knit, even though we were in a tropical island climate.

Now I’m in a very international ward in Asia. Our bishop specifically tells new members that Utah Mormonism is not “true” and to get with local culture. I couldn’t agree more.

mom3 – can’t speak for all Asian cultures, but live-in gparents is a norm (although the more westernized Asian countries are starting to move away from that), and for families of Chinese descent it is common that children are obligated from age 18 to pay the parents a monthly sum that is quite burdensome, even if the children are unemployed and the parents are wealthy! That practice would certainly cure the medicare/ medicaid debate in the US. Also, Asian countries (pretty much all of them) are far higher achievement cultures than western cultures (Europe especially!). There is incredible pressure on kids to perform academically, to consistently promote upward in their careers (higher title is very important), and to demonstrate their financial success through materialism (jewelry, cars, houses). So, I’m not really advocating the Asian way in saying all that! As an American, I like my work days to end after 10 hours or less, and I like $3 tee shirts from Target vs. a $100 designer tee.

If you remove the burdensome aspects of the Asian way of doing things, I support that for certain parents. In my situation, my wife has worked for much of the time my kids were young. For us, I honestly feel it was the best thing. My daughter went to a phenomenal Montessori school/daycare and is wonderful in her organization, self-esteem and academic ability.

She is no worse off having been in that school as soon as she was old enough — my wife never stayed home with her except when she was on maternity leave with my son. The second income was great for our marriage and feelings about staying together given some of the challenges in our relationship. Given a choice, I would do it all over that way again.

Also, my wife has great talents as an employee. Her employers always love her and she is very efficient and reliable.

At home, however, there are some gaps she admits. Things don’t get done, homework is a hassle, meals are a rare event, or I end up getting them for everyone, napping and movie-watching tend to be central activities. When she stays home I feel that our homelife isn’t much different than when she is working, except we have less commuting and less household income. In fact, it hurts our marriage because I don’t see the economic or even character/spiritual benefits in our children from making the second-income sacrifice.

In fact, she has admitted that if she had enough earning power, it might even be better if I stayed at home and raised our kids given my parenting abilities, which she says she admires 😳 (I’m blushing). In fact, I would even consider something like that provided I could use the time to also upgrade my education or skills for re-entry to the workforce.

So, given my wife’s lack of passion for the stay-at-home rigors, as a family we are better off when she is in the workforce.

As you can see, I am NOT a proponent of these policies and statements which “paint everyone with the same brush”. My wife has gotten flack from women in the Ward about her going back to work a few months ago, with people saying “I was shocked

when I heard your wife went back to work”. Guess what — none of their business — they haven’t invested a whit of effort in understanding the dynamics of our family, our skills, or our relationship, so they are not qualified to pass judgment.

We are all different, and this often leads to decisions which seem wrong on the surface but which are right for the family.