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I joined the LDS church as a Senior in College with my wife & (4 year old daughter). One week later my wife became an exwife & moved with our daughter to California.
My Bishop was very supportive & helped me get through this situation.
I graduated college & moved to my 1st job, met my current wife who was very active in the church. We were married in the SLC temple, had (2) sons, were active & happy. We have had various positions over the years & I thought I was prepared to handle anything that life would give me. I was wrong.
My daughter would come & visit with us during the summer months. She was active in her ward in California. Then, early one morning I got a phone call. (Early morning calls are never good.) My former in-laws were telling me to get my daugher out of California & away from her mother. I found out that my daughter was being abused. Her mother had quickly become inactive & went off the deep end. (Drugs, etc.) I got my daughter back to live with us. She was 13 years old & stayed until 18, when she went to college.
I thought I was prepared. I couldn’t understand how God could allow the abuse of children in this way. I understand that: “bad things happen to good people”. This is some of the things I experienced as a result of this situation:
A. When I prayed, all I got was silence. I felt like I was part of a cosmic practical joke.
B. I didn’t feel inspired to hold any Church positions or keep the commandments.
C. I didn’t feel that I had any Priesthood authority or the right to act as if I did.
D. I tried to talk with various Bishops. My daughter’s Bishop in Calif was only interested in if he could use my name in a Bishop’s court for my exwife. My Bishop seemed very nervous & the only advice I remember is: keep coming to church & the answers will come. We did for awhile & the answers did’nt come.
For Fast & Testimony meeting, I would hear how someone lost their car keys, prayed about it & God immediately showed them where the keys were. So, where was my answer to prayer? I do get comfort from D&C 121 but, I want an answer as quickly as Joseph did.
Over the years everyone in my family seems to have gotten on with their lives. None of my children are active. They are well adjusted inspite of it all. My wife & I are back to church trying it one more time. I go to sacrament meetings & barely get through that. It doesn’t seem the same. I do get inspiration where I can find it. It usually isn’t at church.
My experience isn’t any different than many other members. As a Church or as a member, we don’t or can’t talk (or listen) about our most intimate problems. As though acknowledging the problems, we are less than perfect. I can see where it would be helpful to know that others have gone through similar experiences & come out whole on the otherside. I do believe that God sometimes answers our prayers this way.
I told my Bishop that if he ever knew someone that was going through similar issues I was experiencing, please give them my name. I would be willing to talk with them. I never heard from him.
I’m sorry this is so long. Please excuse the grammar & spelling errors.
Mike from Milton
Hi Mike, Thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings & experiences.
I’ve always loved Psychology (which means “Study of the soul”) & see it as inseparably part of Spirituality.
I agree that it could really help us if we would be more open with each other.
Once, I noticed this sister at church who looked so sad & asked her what was wrong & it turned out she had just found out a family member died.
If I hadn’t asked, I may have found out maybe… & later.
Other times, I’ve realized way after the fact, because I was too absorbed in other things.
I think it takes a lot of energy… being aware & noticing (our own thoughts & feelings & those of others) & risk in extending oneself to either share or ask.
About God answering prayers… I believe that:
1) “The kingdom of God is within you” – so feeling comfort, love & intuitive guidance is in getting still or finding inspiration that is unique for you.
2) We are God’s hands… “Prayer doesn’t change things. Prayer changes people & people change things.” The injustices throughout the world are not because God doesn’t love or care (God IS love). It’s because the hands involved have exercised their “free agency” & chosen something other than what seems like love.
That’s great that you’re there for your daughter. I imagine your ex feels bad & was in a bad place to be abusive like she was.
I hope the best for you & your family.
Welcome to this forum – I look forward to hearing more from you!
🙂 Mike- If you have not realized it by now you are in some pretty good company. Over the past two years I have read so many stories that are similar to yours. Heck my story is in ways similar to yours. All I can say is I have experienced some up and down moments since I realized the church aint what it claims. But mostly it has been good. I get to experience a whole new world that was kept hidden form me. I believe facing the realities of the world and the way it works is far better that trying to fit the world into your reality. Welcome, Mike. I don’t have time right now to add much, but I do want to tell you I’m glad you’re here. Welcome — your story sounds a bit like Roy’s here, where he had a stillborn child which opened up a number of faith issues. He may have some perspective that bears on this more directly than my own experiences. I don’t have much advice to give in this case, other than to say it’s good to have you among us. I hope to hear more from you. Cadence wrote:I believe facing the realities of the world and the way it works is far better that trying to fit the world into your reality.
Well said, Cadence.Mike, welcome. I think you’ll find it easy and safe to ask questions and talk about stuff here. We are all less than perfect. The Church is less than perfect. But there is good to be found, despite that.
Thanks for joining our discussions, I look forward to learning from your posts.
Hi Mike, welcome to the StayLDS community. I get the reasons that caused you to put some emotional distance between the Church and you. You have some valid reasons, and I have also known times when I felt that emptiness and the feeling of being alone in the universe. I’m especially sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. That is tough
So what do you feel is drawing you to go back to Church — for a “one last chance” look? It didn’t seem like you described that part of your experience enough for me to get a good feel for what is tugging at you.
SilentDawning wrote:Welcome — your story sounds a bit like Roy’s here, where he had a stillborn child which opened up a number of faith issues. He may have some perspective that bears on this more directly than my own experiences. I don’t have much advice to give in this case, other than to say it’s good to have you among us. I hope to hear more from you.
Well, I was thinking that your story sounded something like mine but I guess this clinches it. I’m really sorry for what your family has been through. If you feel inclined you can read my introduction titled, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.” I’m available for PMs or phone conversation if that would be helpful to you (Phone would require PM first so as not to publish my number to the world).
My catalyst occured almost 2 years ago and I think I moved through it at a rather fast clip. I consider myself whole. I have reestablished my worldview on principles that both meaningful and more consistent with my life experiences.
If you would prefer to post online (in this or other threads), that’s ok too. We welcome your perspective and your contributions to our collective goal of moving forward in positive ways.
Brian Johnston wrote:So what do you feel is drawing you to go back to Church — for a “one last chance” look? It didn’t seem like you described that part of your experience enough for me to get a good feel for what is tugging at you.
I would like to echo Brian’s question and add some of my own.
What about your wife? Did she have the same struggles that you did over the fairness of God? How did she feel about taking a break from the church? How does she feel about going back now?
Welcome Mike. Featherina wrote:2) We are God’s hands… “Prayer doesn’t change things. Prayer changes people & people change things.”
Wow, I really like this. Powerful.
God does answer prayers. Sometimes it’s just really hard to recognize when and how those answers come and the time table is completely whack. I still can’t seem to get a handle on it. Most times it seems that mine are just bouncing off the ceiling. Yet, through experiences I’ve had in the past, I know that he hears them.
Brian Johnston wrote:Hi Mike, welcome to the StayLDS community.
I get the reasons that caused you to put some emotional distance between the Church and you. You have some valid reasons, and I have also known times when I felt that emptiness and the feeling of being alone in the universe. I’m especially sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. That is tough
So what do you feel is drawing you to go back to Church — for a “one last chance” look? It didn’t seem like you described that part of your experience enough for me to get a good feel for what is tugging at you.
Reply:This is the question that haunts me. The only thing I can come up with is: I miss it.
When we were active, everything fit together like a big puzzle. Everything made sense.
I had no problem with the doctrine. No one offended me in any way.
It is my relationship with God that I have a hard time understanding.
Iam like a spoilded child that when things don’t go the way I think they should, I throw a tantrom, stomp my feet & hold my breath until I turn blue.
I expect that when I have a problem God should come to me personally with my own personal vision & revelation.
Just like the person in the Fast meeting who loses their car keys & God tells them where to find them.
I know that’s not realistic. Everything is realistic to a spoiled child.
Mike from Milton
Mike wrote:This is the question that haunts me. The only thing I can come up with is: I miss it.
You know? Sometimes that is really the most simple and powerful answer. There’s a lot of wisdom and insight in that reason. It doesn’t have to be some grand intellectual and philosophically rigorous justification. It can simply be — my soul hungers for something, and I don’t know exactly what it is. I’ll know it when I find it though.
Mike wrote:I expect that when I have a problem God should come to me personally with my own personal vision & revelation.
Just like the person in the Fast meeting who loses their car keys & God tells them where to find them.
I know this is very serious for you. But I had what I consider an amusing experience with this same line of thinking a couple years ago. I had been ranting online about how silly it was to pray to find lost car keys (the classic prayer cliche’) just a few days before volunteering for scout camp. On the last day we were all packing and cleaning up the camp. Low and behold, one of the brothers couldn’t find the keys to his pickup truck (the one hauling most of the gear also in a trailer). We were stuck way out in the North Georgia mountains with no keys. 8+ adults and a couple dozen boys all did sweeps of the camp and tore apart all the vehicles looking for the keys. I personally inspected the truck figuring the keys probably feel out of the guy’s pocket, or that he set them down inside the truck while loading.
They called all of us over to the center of the camp. I was the last person to leave the truck. I had the truck in my sight the entire time. They decided to pray and ask Heavenly Father to help us find the keys. I kept a straight face, but was remembering talking about this exact corny situation online a few days earlier. I was totally rolling my eyes (but remaining tactful about it). We said a group prayer and I was getting frustrated because it was stupid. As soon as it was done, I walked straight over to the truck to continue looking and to help repack the gear.
There they were! The keys were dangling from the passenger side door like someone had just pushed the key in to unlock it…
:crazy: I had opened and closed that door several times, climbed in and out of the truck, and had just walked all the way around before going over to the group. Several other people had looked all around the truck with me at the same time. Nobody else was in the camp, and nobody could have walked over to the truck without me seeing them. I don’t even think I closed my eyes for the prayer because I thought it was silly. It was either a miracle, or the strangest experience of group psychology I have ever seen. I still don’t know what to believe, but God seemed to play the trickster that day for me.
For some strange and quirky twist in the universe, God seems to care a
LOTabout lost car keys… My story isn’t proof of anything. I don’t even make much if any meaning out of it personally. It’s just a weird experience I think about everything I hear about praying for lost car keys.
I’ve had similar experiences with lost items. I was about to leave on my mission and inadvertently left my ID on the bus, along with my wallet and stuff that I kept in a little carrying unit. I prayed I would find it. I visualized it in my hands, the feel of the cordura carrying case back in my hands. About a week before I left on my mission, and about a month after I lost it, a lady came to the police station and gave it to them. The money was gone but all the ID was intact.
I think it’s funny. God does care about lost car keys, but he can’t seem to get involved with things like my son’s Type 1 diabetes, my chronic problems with not being able to let go of the things that have happened to me, or even answers to prayer on things that seem way more important and unsolveable than lost car keys. And by the way, the car key problem COULD be fixed with an inconvenient, and perhaps $200-$300 trip from a locksmith into the North Georgia mountains, and a four hour wait. None fo the problems I’ve cited have easy temporal solutions like that.
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