Am I a quitter?

I was in a similar position, but less drastic. I was HPGL and had just had enough of it. Three years of working full-time, part-time, going to school, and being a HPGL was takign its toll on me emotionally. I asked to be released. I haven’t had the same level of commitment since, but I’m happier now than I was at that time.

I think you are doing the right thing in moving. I think your Bishop husband is doing the right thing in getting you both out of the situation. I think God is utilitarian, and it sounds like the greatest good will be done for the greatest number in your family if you move on to a different Ward. You are happier, your husband has noticed it. You are preserving your enduring activity. I say go for it and be happier — its the object and design of our existence, and sometimes, the Church places a wedge between ourselves and that happiness. It is NOT the source of all happiness as so many egocentric Church members would have you believe – in fact it can make a person feel downright miserable and needs to be sidelined/quarantined and boundaries set.

My only caveat/advice here is to expect some fall-out from people about your decision to move. You’ll have to be careful to provide many well-crafted reasons that have integrity, but which mask your real reasons for moving. People are highly judgmental, and I’m sure the leaders above your hubby won’t take kindly to this decision — if they are the like the Stake leaders I’ve had to interface with in the past. Expect some fall-out, which may or may not happen, and take comfort in knowing you are doign what is best for you.

As an organization, the Church can have blinders on, focusing only on itself and its own needs, sadly. Your feminist ideas probably won’t wash very well with the leadership either, so you can’t be honest about it with them and they won’t understand. So, moving is a great idea. At least you will be able to get into another house cheap, into a Ward that may well be different.

However, it might not be when you get there…it will be what you make it, but at least it will be easier without having the Bishopric position hanging over your head.

I wouldnt’ feel bad about this at all.

The way I see it, that kind of attitude-changing Brian is proposing takes a lot of time and effort. It may come naturally to some people, but not to others. There will be a huge loss of status to her husband in the Ward and the Stake if he asks to be released. If you have been a traditional believer in the Church, you care about these things. They attach themselves to the whole experience.

In terms of financial loss, I don’t see it as a loss really. Whether realized or not, any losses on the home already exist. You lose on your existing home but then buy in to another home at bargain prices, which may well go up over time. It’s a wash as the loss has already occurred on paper provided you don’t overpay on your next purchase.

The impact on the kids, if any is something to consider, but so is the impact of a mother who in spite of trying her best, is struggling to stay active. Happy parents have a huge impact — often leading to happier kids.

If the family is in agreement, I would go with the move and be out of this situation. The Church will not step up and magically do what is best for TSW. It will do what’s best for the organization. If one wants what’s best for oneself, one must be proactive and take charge.

Thanks for your input. it really is that bad,and I’ve had $1000’s of therapy to try to help me change myself or at least my attitude. My kids are grown so there will be some ?’s from them, but no real impact. My husband isn’t willing to stay if he asks to be released. He doesn’t want to deal with the questions. I told him to blame me,because that is the truth, but he’s not comfortable with that. We realize we will have to be really careful what we say and keep it short. We havent totally figured it out yet.we didn’t pay top $ for our house so we think we can sell for at least what we paid.

I do keep asking myself if it is that bad, but I cry almost everyday, I’ve lost 20 lbs., And like I said the sun just came out again after 12 months. I realize it’s not rational, but if it’s my reality how long should I suffer? I really think the only way I could stay is lots and lots of Prozac.

Do you ever think sometimes your are just too traumatized to be able to work on improving yourself. I feel like if I get away from the situation I might have a chance. It’s possible it’s all in my mind, but it is my mind.

TSW

Sounds pretty bad. Nothing wrong with being a quitter, by the way. Sometimes there are things in our life that need to go, and there’s no shame in admitting that and taking appropriate action. I’m just really glad to hear that your husband is willing to do whatever needs to be done. That has to be a really big part of the smile on your face.

Rough housing markets can work both ways, so hopefully you’ll be okay there.

Running away to live and fight another day is not bad, in and of itself.

I have no answers for you personally, since it is your situation and you must make the choice ultimately. However, there is real power and freedom in realizing it really is your choice – and it can be a good and correct choice.

I hope you have inspiration and/or peace in whatever you decide to do.

I agree with Brian that this is a little extreme – to move. But it’s your choice.

I just googled, “Tips on how to get released from an LDS calling.” Not much came up. :problem:

I recently watched the film, “17 Miracles.” It kindof ticked me off how people were pressured into doing what they didn’t want to do, & threatened if they didn’t then they were apostosizing. I could see how we came to have such a taboo with the word, “No” in church.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind & if you feel good about it, then go for it.

Yet, I do think there are always more possibilities… In this case, you have to play their game, though.

The game is who can intimidate or shame the other more… So, you could make an excuse how you need to start attending another ward for an elderly parent or grandparent… Or you could explain how your or your husband needs to watch his stress level. This might be stretching the truth a little, but who doesn’t do that in the church?

I hope the best for you & your husband! You are blessed with such a supportive guy!

As a person who has been through Situational Depression, you are not quitting, you are doing what you need to do to save yourself. And it sounds as if you husbands calling is causing your issues. This type of thing happens, once out of the situation things will most likely improve from that stand point. However, reading some of your other posts, I think there might be deeper issues (most of which I can totally relate to) that you might need to find a way to wrap your head around (the patriarchal set up of the church, ect). I had a hard time with the General RS meeting this weekend, loved the talks, but hated the way the women use that fake sing song lollypops and rainbows voices….it’s hard on us warrior women who would rather stand shoulder to shoulder with our own swords drawn…we aren’t the cheerleading type that most LDS women are.

I know I am Arwen here, but in reality I am so totally more like Eowyn…. :shh:

Wow, that is a big step. My bishop husband talks about doing that himself. I hope you find a ward that you enjoy. It might be a good idea to find a ward first then look for a home in those boundaries. Sounds like you are perhaps already doing that.