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Over the last 6 years I have had an up and down relationship with the church. It all came to the point where I removed my name from the records almost 3 months ago. I honestly thought I was doing what is right for me. I’m deeply questioning and concerned about the (impulsive?) decision that I made. Instead of feeling relief…I feel as though I have lost everything. I am unable to self-identify or clearly take a stance on what matters to me anymore.
I feel as though I’m looking at a blank road map or a GPS that can’t give me real direction.
Dave
I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t brought you the results you were expecting. One thing about life, I think, is that few things are final. Many things can be reversed and set right, or move on to learn how to make peace with whatever consequences come from decisions, and what new doors that opens.
Divorce may seem final for some, but many find a new life to build afterwards, some actually get back together with their ex (though kinda uncommon, I imagine).
I think with church, it is not final. I think the church wants people to return and would welcome you with open arms…though there may be hoops to jump through.
Perhaps give it some time, and think through what things you feel are missing, and experiment to see if they are church related or perhaps something else causing that feeling. We often say on this site…go slow, learn what you need to learn, be who you want to be.
Welcome, I hope to learn more about your thoughts and beliefs through your posts.
I feel kind of the same way when I got out of a high profile Ward calling two years ago. Afterwards, I no longer had all the expectations, profile and other things that I had been used to in the church. I felt that the personal security I had created for myself was gone — all the security from believing I was “protected” cuz I paid tithing and was one of God’s elect because I served faithfully. Ward leaders sort of ostracized me and ignored me so I felt like I was part of the out-group. My suggestion is to
a) Make developing your personal character a priority. What are your character strengths to enhance, and the weaknesses to improve upon? You still have that – and that’s ultimately what matters. Read the Bible about the pure Christianity, which was about learning to live one’s life with peace and devotion to God. You are free of all the oftenimes unecessary fetters of the LDS Church. Work on being kind, charitable and whatever character traits you admired in Christ or his message. Make that your life’s mission and focus. Focus on the pure principles of Christianity and your relationship with God first and foremost.
b) Recognize God’s infinite love and mercy, and that there may well be a time when things that went wrong are righted. I believe God will look at your background and all the factors that led to your name removal decision with mercy. He’s got to put up with us for eternity, and I honestly believe there will be opportunities to learn from our life experiences, even if we made mistakes.
c) If you feel the need to belong, find another group to belong to. For me, it’s a band that I play in. Also, a few people in my work. I have a few friendships in the Church that I invest in that go beyond callings, programs and expectations. All these things help.
I still feel a bit lost now and then since the Church is pretty good at making you feel guilty if you’re not towing the party line, but these situations have helped me as an ostracized member of the Church. Perhaps they might help you in your situation;
Dave- Sorry to hear that you’re feeling that way. I imagine that’s not an uncommon way to feel after any kind of major life change, especially if you have a long history of church activity. But as Heber points out, nothing is final.
So, what is it that really matters to you? And why was it that at some point you felt that you couldn’t find it at church?
-Doug
Hi Dave, I would ask you to remember two things.
1) Your relationship to God and your church membership are not the same thing. You are still His son and are still searching Him out in limited imperfect ways (just as you were doing with a TR).
2) Your identity and heritage is not determined by your records status. I understand Michael Quinn identifies himself as a Mormon. If you yearn for the “roots” of pioneer heritage and the “branches” of being part of something larger than yourself, that can still be there for you. Perhaps the mold isn’t as clear – but that just means that you are free to improvise and discover yourself.
You are welcome here!
A huge thanks goes out to everyone’s responses. The up and down relationship has been due, in most part, to my criticisms of specific issues such as anti-intellectualism and anti-feminism. As a male I am insulted by the degradation that is propogated through repression and oppression. For quite some time I have lived by the statement made by Rage Against the Machine frontman Zach de la Rocha in their song
Freedom: “Your anger is a gift”. But my anger was conceived in the hurt experienced almost a decade ago in a meeting with a former bishop. I will take my due responsibility in what has happened. I know that my often blunt opposition to matters that are of great importance to me have triggered the responses that have made this relationship difficult.
I have never been the type to simply believe and obey.
Okay, I’m done ranting.
Dave
Anger can be a gift – for a short time. After that, it inevitably becomes a cancer. Continuing anger is FAR different than real, lasting power – and cancer sucks. Just something to consider.
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