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Hello all, last time I frequented the support section I filled you in on my divorce. I figured I could provide you with an update on where I am at. Currently, I have found myself falling further from the church in my actions, mostly because I am out of the jell-o belt and those who provide immediate support do not live an orthodox mormon life–to say the least. I have begun dating and am in a relationship with an irreligious liberal feminist, a little different from my ex-wife. Despite these changes, however, I feel I have never truly resolved my issues or relationship with the church. For the first time in months, I put on my Sunday best and traveled to church. It just so happened to be conference. I watched it at the stake center with six other people–the internet has made conference far less of a formal event. Haha. It felt good, and I felt that when I evaluate who I am honestly, I come to the conclusion that I am a Mormon, an unorthodox or liberal Mormon, but a Mormon nonetheless. An important thing to note, also, is that I have amazing friends that, despite my actions, make a point of visiting me miles from Rexburg, texting me frequently, and reminding me that the gospel according to my ex-wife, though promoted by some church authorities to a small degree, is not the gospel of Christ.
So, here I sit, yet again, on the fence as I’ve always been. I feel I have a true opportunity now to develop a healthy relationship with my heavenly father. And, thanks to the help of my friends, I feel I have matured enough to transcend the small issues I have with the institution which hinder my relationship with God. In other words, I feel I have an opportunity to build a strong testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ within the framework provided by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I do have some fears and am in need of support.
Fear #1, there will come a time, in the near future, when I will face a disciplinary hearing for my un-mormon conduct in recent months. Also, I am an endowed priesthood holder so I know this will involve the high council which my father is a part of. I was wondering if any of you know how this process works and what it is I should expect. Also, I have always tended to hold a strong anti-authoritarian position on many fronts–my profile picture is Dorothy Day for goodness sakes–and wonder how I can keep from getting angry/bitter over whatever decision is made.
Fear #2, I also am worried that I’ve tried this before. I’ve been in this position and it brought me here, a divorced-parent’s-basement-dwelling cynic. How do I trust that I will not get disenchanted with the idiosyncrasies of those within the church, as well as those doctrines, and wind up in another self-destructive position like my previous marriage?
Fear #3, Believe it or not, I found myself in a committed relationship a bit quickly after the divorce. And, considering the place I was in when we met, I fear that my change of religious mindset–well, just practicing Mormonism again–could act as a deal breaker in that relationship.
As always, any support on these would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
mikhail wrote:Fear #1, there will come a time, in the near future, when I will face a disciplinary hearing for my un-mormon conduct in recent months. Also, I am an endowed priesthood holder so I know this will involve the high council which my father is a part of. I was wondering if any of you know how this process works and what it is I should expect. Also, I have always tended to hold a strong anti-authoritarian position on many fronts–my profile picture is Dorothy Day for goodness sakes–and wonder how I can keep from getting angry/bitter over whatever decision is made.
I’ve sat in on these at Stake and Ward levels in various capacities. The tendencies lately have been toward mercy for sexual offences, if that’s your case, like disfellowshipment or less, but it will really depend on a) how repentent you appear b) the will of the disciplinary council and the decision-making body — which could be your Bishop, but will likely be the SP. You could consider asking your SP to exclude your father-in-law from the council, although I’m not sure if he’d do it. Also, that might look like you’re not repentent since an older prophet said tellijng your family is part of the repentence process. Frankly, I don’t think it’s anyhone’s business but your own, or a wife if married. Even then, bad stuff hits the fan when spouses know about these things.
Quote:Fear #2, I also am worried that I’ve tried this before. I’ve been in this position and it brought me here, a divorced-parent’s-basement-dwelling cynic. How do I trust that I will not get disenchanted with the idiosyncrasies of those within the church, as well as those doctrines, and wind up in another self-destructive position like my previous marriage?
You can’t. But being aware of this tendency can help you take steps to mitigate it. Bringing habits into consciousness can be a great way of dealing with them. I’d need more on what you mean by this to really give any solid advice.
Quote:Fear #3, Believe it or not, I found myself in a committed relationship a bit quickly after the divorce. And, considering the place I was in when we met, I fear that my change of religious mindset–well, just practicing Mormonism again–could act as a deal breaker in that relationship. As always, any support on these would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I would get number 1 out of the way before tackling this one.
mikhail wrote:…I do have some fears and am in need of support.
Fear #1, there will come a time, in the near future, when
I will face a disciplinary hearing for my un-mormon conduct in recent months.Also, I am an endowed priesthood holder so I know this will involve the high council which my father is a part of. I was wondering if any of you know how this process works and what it is I should expect. Also, I have always tended to hold a strong anti-authoritarian position on many fronts–my profile picture is Dorothy Day for goodness sakes–and wonder how I can keep from getting angry/bitter over whatever decision is made. As always, any support on these would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
It was interesting to hear your story and it sounds like you are dealing with this about as well as anyone could. As far as any disciplinary actions by the Church, I think it’s a bad idea to tell them anything that they will almost certainly make a big deal about and try to give you a prolonged guilt-trip over. Personally, I would rather resign than show up at a Church court to be publicly humiliated but if you really feel like you need to do this then I would just shrug it off as them simply going by the book and trying to do what they see as their responsibility because they probably don’t know any better in most cases.
mikhail wrote:As always, any support on these would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Mikhail,
It sounds like you are going through some very important moments for determining the future direction of your life. I do not know what I would do in your situation – but that is not overly important.
What I do consider to be important is the following:
1) Don’t limit your future options- This may mean that if you are unprepared to live some minimal church standards then you may need to stay away for a while. What would be the point of coming back to church just to get disfellowshiped or exed. in my view that would make your future decisions and relationship with the church harder and not easier.
2) Be true to yourself and own your path- This is the only life you get so enjoy the living, the experiencing. Sometimes that is easier said than done.
I’m sure your life has not gone according to plan and I sympathize. What I would suggest you do now, is either get accustomed to being off the beaten path or make a new plan (with the realization that this too may not work out quite the way it does in your head).
You are loved, you are ok, you are accepted – own the journey!
Addressing Fear #1 – Church discipline of that nature is no cakewalk and you will experience a wide range of emotions. You will be angry and mad at times. It will be humiliating. If you do not view this as a part of your personal spiritual journey, then I would just not confess.
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