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This term came to me today when my daughter told me she got up early to see an eclipse. I had this realization as I was reflecting on some things that cWald and Brian said in another thread.
THE CHURCH HAS INTERFERED WITH MY FOCUS ON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. FOR YEARS I THOUGHT THAT IF I WAS DOING ALL THE CHURCH STUFF, I’D DONE ENOUGH.
It’s as if all the shoulds at Church eclipsed what was important — BECOMING. For years I thought I was doing great because I had a TR and did what the local leadership wanted — at all costs. But now realize that I haven’t worked on the huge character flaws that have plagued me most of my life. Mormonisms’ shoulds eclipsed what was important — becoming a better man.
Have you ever experienced this?
If not, shouldn’t the covenants and ordinances be supplemental to, and in support of personal character development, and not interference when the Church places such heavy emphasis on service for its aims as an indicator of personal righteousness?
Quote:If not, shouldn’t the covenants and ordinances be supplemental to, and in support of personal character development, and not interference when the Church places such heavy emphasis on service for its aims as an indicator of personal righteousness?
I think the fundamental block to character development is caring what other people think of you. That doesn’t mean we should be anti-social, just not motivated to get praise from human beings. I’m trying to think of a way the covenants and ordinances interferes with personal development if it’s not really that, but if you have an example, I’m sure I can rethink that. It’s late here, so maybe I’m just tired.
I do think it’s an interesting question to pose. The admonition to follow others (rather than work it out ourselves – which we do also hear) is something that can stall personal growth, but it’s not necessary that it does – just human nature that it often does.
SD, at least the current leadership is openly agreeing with you. The message that, ultimately, it’s who you become is being preached more and more lately. Thanks Ray…to answer Hawkgrrl’s comment. If I can give an example. I had a conversation with a fellow who was a mechanic in our Ward at one time about salvation. He said “it’s all about the TR — as long as I’ve got that, I’m not worried” or something like that. For him, being able to answer questions about allegiance to the Church, testimony about it and some basic commandments etcetera were what mattered — not whether he’d made strides toward conquering that weakness that he has and becoming Christlike..
For me, when I paid tithing, I felt justified in being a miser with the rest of my money, even though there were causes out there that I think might’ve touched my heart more than giving it to the Church. I had paid my dues and had my TR. Or, I have a couple other weaknesses which seemed less in-the-forefront when I felt they were “covered” by high levels of Church commitment. The “shoulds” they lace on the committed folk tend to really make you go full tilt to the point THOSE THINGS (Church stuff) become more important, eclipsing the true goal — character development,
I think I grew resentful at heart, because the Mormon eclipse eventually turned from humble obedience to resentful duty — a gradual process ending as many of you know and are probably sick of hearing (as I am with sharing it).
So, the “light” of the LDS version of the gospel does illuminate areas where we can be of service for others, but if not careful, that very light can blind us to the ultimate goal — the development of our character. Just as the luminousity of the moon can block the radiance of the sun in an eclipse.
Maybe that makes sense.
I can see how absolute allegiance to any organization especially the church can warp your personal development. I can say with conviction I am a much better person, more caring, more understanding than I ever was as TBM. I was to much in the obedience camp at all costs. It is what I believed would save me in the end. I wasted years adhering to a paradigm that was false or misleading. Everyone would be better off if the periodically took a critical view of those things they hold most sacred. They may find they are missing the point all together. It makes sense, SD – and the other man was wrong, plain and simple – and every apostle would agree with that, I’m sure. I think far too many people see church as the goal, rather than a means to a goal. We even interchange church and the gospel as one, when the church is where we are to learn of the gospel. it is NOT the gospel. I had a quote once that I can’t find from a prophet that said something to the effect of, “if we were all living like we should, there’d be no need to the church to exist”.
I like what Brown said — and Elder Poelman — the Church is NOT the gospel!!! Also, Hawkgrrl said this in another thread:
Quote:
hawkgrrrl wrote:I like the idea of self-mastery, so then the “rules” are really just the steps to take to gain self-mastery. But when you are just following orders, that’s not self-mastery; it’s compliance. I don’t think that’s what it means to become like God. The orders aren’t the point, any more than the weights are in weight-lifting. It’s the muscle you build or tone. It’s the flexibility you gain.
See, what I’m feeling is that the whole TR and all the carrots and sticks that are given in this life can become like the Law of Moses did before Jesus’ ministry. People did the outward acts wtihout giving the heart and changing their character. Yep, that was me for all those years. You gotta work inside out eventually; it can’t always be outside behavior with no inside/character work…..
SD – great comments. I’m getting what you are saying now. Quote:He said “it’s all about the TR — as long as I’ve got that, I’m not worried” or something like that.
Yeah, this hits the nail on the head. It’s easier to comply with some checklist than it is to actually grow and develop as a person.
Quote:when I paid tithing, I felt justified in being a miser with the rest of my money, even though there were causes out there that I think might’ve touched my heart more than giving it to the Church. I had paid my dues
Exactly. And if you serve others in the church or spend a lot of time on church-related stuff, there are non-church related things you don’t have time to do like Habitat for Humanity. You can serve a mission OR do Peace Corps, probably not both. I agree.
Quote:I have a couple other weaknesses which seemed less in-the-forefront when I felt they were “covered” by high levels of Church commitment.
I think this is totally an issue in the church; people do something easier (comply with check-the-box commandments) vs. the harder thing (being thoughtful, going the extra mile, becoming charitable vs. paying tithing).
Quote:I think I grew resentful at heart, because the Mormon eclipse eventually turned from humble obedience to resentful duty.
I think resentment comes from expectations that are unfulfilled. We esteem our sacrifice to be great (either due to difficulty or length of time or perceived loss of something else in exchange), and if we don’t feel like it’s paying off in the way we need or expect, we begin to resent it. How we want it to pay off differs so much from person to person, though. My BIL (over-the-top TBM) aspires to a leadership calling. Not having one is the thorn in his side. Others want to feel they are making a difference in the world at fighting poverty, for example, and are upset if their sacrifices go to far toward anything that doesn’t meet that need.
Quote:So, the “light” of the LDS version of the gospel does illuminate areas where we can be of service for others, but if not careful, that very light can blind us to the ultimate goal — the development of our character.
Yes, good analogy.
I had something more to say. We had tithing settlement yesterday, and the bishop talked about declaring tithing as either “full” or “partial”or “exempt” and wouldn’t it be great to be able to do that in different areas of the gospel like Word of Wisdom, filling your callings, etc. It was an interesting thought, but I was thinking, what if instead of gauging ourselves on the checklist item, we could assess how we are doing on the “becoming” aspect. Instead of checking the box of “full” or “partial” or “exempt” tithing payer, what about “full” or “partial” or “exempt” charitable person? Instead of measuring WoW, what about measuring healthy choices or self-mastery? I think personally, that is a good exercise. I would object to having to declare that to some priesthood authority. Maybe having been such a priesthood authority, I realize now they are not the magical guys they are often made out to be. The magical guy is the one I feel in my prayers… Cadence wrote:I can see how absolute allegiance to any organization especially the church can warp your personal development.
On kind of a side note – I take the kids to Awanas (basically religious cub scouts for Baptists except it is open to preschoolers and girls). During the opening ceremony we pledge allegiance to the US flag … and the Christian flag … and the bible … and the Awanas flag. I’m always wondering what it might mean in practical terms to be allegiant/loyal to the Awanas flag.
I wonder how many people we could help with immediate temporal needs if we weren’t so concerned with building 15 luxurious and palatial temples per year. What if instead of spending 2 years trying to convert people to our religion, we just went and taught children how to read and write, dug wells, passed out immunizations, etc. I think I’d feel a lot better as a human after a year of that vs 2 years of trying to convince people that their way of worship is wrong.
Instead it’s all missions, converts, temples, and membership numbers.
Quote:What if instead of spending 2 years trying to convert people to our religion, we just went and taught children how to read and write, dug wells, passed out immunizations, etc.
Kind of like service missions for retired people.
I don’t mean to be snarky with that response, because I really do understand the feeling and even agree to a large degree – but, if we are going to be totally fair, the LDS Church does encourage the sort of thing you mention, as well. We might argue about the ratio of dollars spent here and there, but it does do everything mentioned above – both on its own and through encouraging members to get involved when they retire.
I had a similar thought as Brown when I was a missuionary. The focus was on proselyting — nothing else. They have lightened up on that now and the missionaries in our area are allowed to devote a certain amount of time to pure service to others during normal proselyting time. On my mission, if we were inspired to do pure service work, we had to do it on our P-day — and THAT went over like a ton of bricks with most missionaries. Mormon America said that compared to other Churches of a similar size, we give about 1/2 as much to humanitarian efforts outside our community. I have concluded that we tend to hang on to our resources more than other churches based on that objective reading.
We also have welfare related resources — such as farms. However, according to Mormon America, the Church converts them back and forth between for-profit entities and charitable entitites as needed….
And last of all, the quorum I led at one time did a service project for a non-profit community center. I told the brethren heading up that project there was no budget. For some reason, they spent $180 on construction materials without authorization from myself or the Bishop. When they submitted the expense reimbursement, I approved it, with an note to the Bishop indicating I had said there were no funds supposed to have been allotted, but since they had already done it, and it was for a charitable cause, could the Bishop approve it. He said “No!!!”.
The brother who was out the $180 came to me a bit distraught saying his wife was pretty ticked the Bishop wouldn’t approve. I petitioned our Bishop who held firm. Later this brother came to me asking if we could pay their utility bill — which surprisingly was about the same amount as he was “out” for those construction materials. He stopped approaching me about the construction materials reimbursements after that.
To this day I don’t know if he submitted the utility bill as a work-around to getting his $180 back…when our Bishop wouldn’t reimburse, or not, but I suspect he might have. The whole thing saddened me — particularly when I learned later the Bishop had sent budget money back to the stake at the end of the year unspent.
It’s stuff like this that hurts my testimony, frankly. I think part of my problem at that time is that I ended up serving with a group of people in our SP who were all rather hard-nosed, as was our Bishop during my last stint in service. They tended to approach their roles as business managers, rather than inspired leaders, and taken with my other life’s experiences, reinforced the notion we are sometimes a business having trouble adjusting to the fact that we are a Church.
This is another example of the Mormon Eclipse in my view — in a different arena, but shows how priorities can be mixed up.
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