RE: Help-Feeling Suffocated

I hear you. I’m sure it’s a personal bias. And personally, I know that it would be extremely difficult for me to live somewhere like Utah Valley. It’s the “manure principle” … spread it thin and it can make a nice fertilizer. Too thick and it just stinks.

I am destined to retire in southern Utah so that’s something I worry about, though that area does seem to be getting a bit more heterogeneous.

i love diversity. maybe that is why i like living in Toronto – a very multicultural city and by looking on the local transit you would think white folk were the minority here.

at the beginning stages of my social disaffection with church 12 or so years ago one of the things that i was bothered by was the feeling of loss of identity – who was i in this “fishbowl” of mormon culture ? i had begun to feel like my identity was too much tied into the mormon faith. probably why i became inactive/less-active in the first place. looking back i know that my disaffection was a blessing though at the time and the difficulties seemed like a cursing. it forced me to step back and examine my life and my beliefs and who i really was outside this religious culture.

Jamison,

Couple of thoughts.

I completely agree with you that Utah Mormonism is too all-encompassing. I think the thing I find most annoying about it (when I visit) is that there is a much lower sense of religion/spirituality being an aspect of life that brings strength, comfort, happiness to the rest of your life. Instead, it just IS life. You like the way the bass makes Truman Madsen’s Joseph Smith tapes sound in your car. You subconsciously watch KSL instead of KTVX. You don’t really know why, it just seems right. You name your puppy ‘Kolob’ because he is near to your heart. Then you feel guilty and awkward, so you rename him ‘Buck’. It’s just too much, and thereby loses the special sauce that spirituality should bring to you.

My first suggestion would be to look for the really good aspects of your ward and/or community. The truth is that you have to do that, no matter where you are. If you were in Alaska, you would find parts of Mormon culture you don’t like. I venture to guess that many (most?) of the inhabitants of these forums have had to overcome a lot of less desirable aspects of the Church and their wards in order to stay connected to all the positive. “Warts and all” is a phrase I see here a lot.

My second suggestion would be to move, if that’s an option. Seriously. My experience outside of Utah is that members of the church tend to feel more aware and appreciative of what the Church/religion/spirituality/whatever gives them. Let me use an example that isn’t exactly religious in nature, more cultural perhaps, but should illustrate the point. I have had a couple of non-LDS friends over the years that have decided not to have children at all. Just a married couple, making lots of money, and not spending it on formula, diapers, babysitters, soccer fees, doctors bills, college tuition. For them, it’s an entirely rational choice. They have nicer homes, nicer cars, more expensive hobbies and go on better vacations. I, on the other hand, had kids because that’s what was modeled to me. I didn’t know any different or give it any thought. Then came the bills… and there are days when I kind of feel sorry for myself that I can’t have a cabin in the woods, etc. But then a weird thing happens. I think of my friends who have no kids. I think of them missing out on all the joy. I think of them growing old with nobody to visit, or to take care of them. No grandchildren. Then, I start feeling less sorry for myself and realize that for me, I’m so glad that I’ve traded wealth for family. Had I never known people that consciously chose not to have children, I wouldn’t be so aware of the trade-off and contrast and how my decisions have been a blessing to me.

Thanks for all the posts, I’m just taking my Mormonism less seriously these days, and I seem a lot more happier.