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Ellen’s brother is crashing hard in a faith crisis right now. This stuff just breaks my heart. Why oh why did they teach us our history this way? It creates a glass house just waiting for a stone to hit it and shatter… 😥 The worst part of it is the sense of betrayal, more than the actual information people find.BIL has been going through a lot lately. He and his family have been living in Utah for many years (but he was raised on the east coast), and I know he had a hard time with the culture for many years. He always maintained his “testimony” though, was very cool about his sister (my wife) losing her faith, and I guess just sort of kept it all walled off. Lately BIL and family were having a rough time with the economy. He traveled out to Nashville, TN to start a new job/business because it just wasn’t working for him anymore in Utah. He is living apart from his wife and children. So a ton of stress, probably unanswered prayers and feeling like his life hasn’t been going how it should for trying to be righteous (a touch of the prosperity Gospel we have in our culture), and then finally looking at some historical stuff … and kaboom! (or crumble, whatever that sick sort of implosion sound makes).
He just recently discovered there were multiple accounts of the First Vision, or more accurately perhaps he sat down and read through the multiple accounts, and it hit him like a ton of bricks. One of the big things he has held on to was serving a mission. He felt it was a big deal, a big sacrifice, for him to go (which it was), and that he did a lot of good. He taught about the First Vision as a vital foundational truth, one he could hang his hat on with pride, he convinced others this was such an important key. Now he feels like a total fool because the story isn’t so clear cut as he expected all his life. He’s 40 years old. He’s been in The Church all his life. Why did he never hear about this? (i’m giving voice to what I assume are his thoughts). What else have they been hiding from him? You all know how it goes from there.
I can’t really post this anywhere else because it’s a private thing for someone close to me, and I use my real name out there. The whole situation just plain sucks.
It is heartbreaking when it is someone close…and it is frustrating when from our perspective it seems like it doesn’t have to be this way. But it is amazing how the story is so familiar, over and over again, the same kinds of stories keep happening. That makes me feel a little better about myself, that I’m not so weird and everyone else is just fine living in wonderland, but it just seems to be too painful, too often, and just makes me wish there was more preventative medicine for this.
I would think, one blessing your BIL has is turning to you and Ellen, rather than being totally alone to deal with it (especially with all the work you’re doing with all the different support groups).
Brian Johnston wrote:The whole situation just plain sucks.
Yep, stage 4 is a bitch. But we have seen how you can get through it and come out the other side a survivor.
I hope it turns out positive over time. It kinda reminds me this work is important to help people find a softer landing spot through the transitions. I hope we are making a difference.
His dear wife is in Utah trying to keep the family together there. She is a school teacher. My BIL is also freaking out about what will happen if/when his wife finds out about his loss of testimony. Will she divorce him? Take the kids? At best, it’s going to be really really messy and hurtful. Sound familiar? //groan// Brian, sorry to hear. Do you think StayLDS would be helpful to him? It sounds like your wife and his wife are sisters. Would your wife be helpful to her, or is the relationship strained? I live here in Utah, but I don’t know how helpful I could be. I’d love to help somehow, but perhaps online is the best way.
Yikes. Sorry to hear this. Hopefully he can just hang on through this. It’s a terrible time (with his financial situation and being separated) to deal with both things at once. Is Ellen likely to leave him over something like this? So sorry, let us know if anything comes to mind that we may be able to do to help. An into to some of the differences of FV accounts that I received from a very faithful JS biography was an early seed to my questions. I can relate. Our priesthood lesson this week was on the FV and today I’m in a position where it feels so natural to me I almost raised my hand to make some casual comment about the different versions. I hope the day is near where we will talk about these things more freely.
I also had a small discussion with my HT companion about blacks/PH ban, he seems a little troubled by it lately — wanting a clear cut answer that makes sense. I think it’s a gradual transition to allow ambiguity into your spiritual life, and that is the crux of the problem in my mind. Our culture has not cultivated or valued a tolerance for ambiguity, which makes the human condition extra difficult.
He has been on the StayLDS forums in the past and participated for a short while, but not lately. I realized quickly it was him based on some of the personal details he shared combined with the email address he used to register an account. He didn’t say anything to me directly, so I wasn’t sure if he wanted anyone to know. I can’t remember now if he knows that I know it was him. Ellen (my DW) talks to him every week or so on the phone, but I only talk to him now and then. I just decided I wouldn’t bring it up until he did. I don’t know if his wife Karen will up and leave him. I tend to doubt it would go that way ultimately. But regardless, it is going to be a VERY difficult transition for her. Of that, I am sure. Ellen (my wife, his sister) isn’t going to be a lot of help except in validating the problems with The Church. Ellen hates The Church still, and watching her brother go through this is bringing up a lot of hard feelings that had largely calmed down. She’s been on a roll lately ranting about the evils of the church if the subject ever comes up in any form, and she is also spending extra time reading the angry side of what is out there (in addition to not taking her anxiety/depression medicine for the past three weeks I found out, and deciding to quit smoking which compounds the crankiness… the whole thing just makes me tired). So it is mostly her and her brother talking it through. They are not calming influences on each other.
I can’t fix the people the mean the most to me in my life. So I guess I try to fix everyone else. It’s really twisted, and a little sad. Hang in there! I hope you can at least find an occasion for some activity that will provide a break from church topics. I know it gets exhausting. I don’t think it is sad that you keep trying to help people, Brian. You can only do what you can, and it is good to see you still have an interest in helping people. Perhaps the time will come when those closer to you are more open and ready to allow you to help. Until then, you can only help those that are coming to the websites to ask for help. I’m sure it is somewhat rewarding to be involved in helping those that you can, but tiring and taxing when those closer aren’t open to it. Life is interesting, idn’t it? Is there anything on administering this site or other things that any of us can do to lighten your load a little bit? I’m willing to help take on more if you need some break in any way, I just don’t know what that might be. Please ask if we can help, OK?
Just needed to vent a little. The administration of the site isn’t too much. Thanks everyone for being here, and lending an ear. If I couldn’t DOsomething to help others, I would feel stuck and get too depressed always thinking about how I can’t help the real people I would like to help. Working on these projects is my therapy. It keeps me sane. At least I can pretend to be doing something positive. The alternative is to stare into the black hole that is chasing me, at my heels. I keep running forward so I don’t fall in.
Brian, I feel for you and your situation. Your a good man! I’m sorry to hear this, Brian – but there is NOTHING sad in helping others. Sometimes, we really can’t help those closest to us. Sometimes, people really only hear and listen and accept what they hear from others. (“An expert is anyone who travels more than 100 miles to say what others within 100 miles say all the time.”)
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