DVRs and Happiness

When you don’t have a DVR, you can’t record your favorite shows

When you can’t record your favorite shows, you get depressed.

When you get depressed, you seek religion for answers

When you seek religion for answers, you sign up for LDS Gems to come to your email inbox.

When you sign up for LDS Gems, you get this in your inbox

“Little children, young people, and adults alike, please believe how very much your loving Heavenly Father wants to bless you. But because He will not infringe upon our agency, we must ask for His help. This is generally done through prayer. Prayer is one of the most precious gifts of God to man.”

—Elder J. Devn Cornish, “The Privilege of Prayer”, General Conference, Oct. 2011

When you ask for His help through prayer, you don’t get help

When you don’t get help, you are told 

“A key to improved prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the strength to fulfill it.”  –Richard G. Scott, “Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007, 8

When you still don’t ask the right questions, you are told

“For prayers to be efficacious, they must be in harmony with the plan of heaven. The prayer of faith bears fruit when such harmony exists, and this harmony exists when prayers are inspired by the Holy Spirit.” — Keith B. McMullin, “Our Path of Duty,” Ensign, May 2010, 15

In order to be inspired by the Holy Ghost, you are told

“Obedience opens the door to the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. And the spiritual gifts and abilities activated by the power of the Holy Ghost enable us to avoid deception—and to see, to feel, to know, to understand, and to remember things as they really are.”  –David A. Bednar, “Things as They Really Are” Church Educational System fireside for young adults, May 3, 2009

To be obedient, you are told

“The gospel is so very simple when we understand it properly. It is always right, it is always good, it is always uplifting. Obedience to gospel principles brings forth joy and happiness. Disobedience has a day of reckoning and will only bring forth heartache, misery, strife, and unhappiness.”  –L. Tom Perry, “What Should We Do on the Sabbath?” New Era, July 2010, 3

When you still feel unhappy, you feel it must be your disobedience and you put pressure on yourself to show more obedience

When you show Obedience to gospel principles, you

-pay tithing and double your fast offerings

-avoid coffee, tea, alcohol and drugs

-attend weekly church meetings

– you get babysitters and go to the temple

When you are obedient to gospel principles, you get called to serve in callings

When you serve in callings, you are asked to give more service and time which takes you away from your family

When you are away from your family, your family misses you

When your family misses you, they turn to friends at school for guidance

When your kids turn to friends for guidance, they find out friends outside the church are totally cool and also have good values, but seem to have more fun than mom or dad

When you find others outside the church don’t have to be obedient to a gajillion silly Mormon rules, you wonder why you are obedient and not getting answers to prayer still

When you wonder why you are stressing out in callings and never feel good enough, you search the Internet for answers

When you search the Internet for answers, you find lots of things they didn’t tell you at church.

When you find out new things, you get depressed

When you get depressed this time you go to a doctor who prescribes antidepressants

When you take your meds regularly, you realize there is a great big wonderful world with plenty of opportunities to build hobbies and interesting things that make you happy

When you’re happy, your family wants to do fun things with you, including watching your favorite movies, so you buy a DVR.