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We use the term “disaffected Mormon” a lot. In fact, there is even the DAMU acronymn describing sites where people have contrarion ideas about the church, which stands for ‘Disaffected Mormon Underground”. This acronym takes the term “disaffected” into even more subversive waters than I like. The dictionary term for disaffected is:
“dis·af·fect (ds-fkt)
tr.v. dis·af·fect·ed, dis·af·fect·ing, dis·af·fects
To cause to lose affection or loyalty. See Synonyms at estrange”
See, this only drives a bigger wedge between the individual and the church organization when we describe ourselves this way. I think if we truly want to reconcile with our religion that a better term is in order. I like “unorthodox” because it does capture the fact that we are different, but not some kind of resistance organization out to undermine the church and its goals. The term unorthodox also opens the tent a bit, implying there are both orthodox and unorthodox Mormons — all of whom gather together as Mormons.
Anyway, I throw that out there for discussion. I don’t want to refer to myself as disaffected anymore, as that’s not where I want go, and we tend to become what we label ourselves as being.
I try hard to describe myself and others only in terms that I believe are accurate. (no surprise, I know, coming from the resident parser) I personally have not been disaffected – ever. I am heterodox in many of my views, but I always have maintained affection for and loyalty to the religious community in which I was raised. There are aspects of that general, majority community for which I do not have affection, and there are certain cultural practices and generally believed “doctrines” of some Mormons (both past and present) to which I have no loyalty, but I personally am not disaffected.
Having said that, I understand totally why others identify themselves as disaffected – and I have no problem whatsoever using that term in relation to them or having them use that term as self-descriptive.
Finally, StayLDS isn’t here to serve only the disaffected. We are here to serve anyone who struggles in any way with staying LDS but who wants to do so. In that sense, I agree that I don’t like the term “disaffected” as an umbrella term to describe this site and this community, even as I have no problem with it applying to some who participate here – to varying degrees and at various times, individually.
I think you made a very inclusive statement there above. I like it. I think that my affection for the church is one of the things keeping me around. so, I don’t really like to use the word disaffected for myself either. Unorthodox, maybe. Uncorrelated, maybe. Freethinking, maybe. Incidentally, a couple of years ago I took a political spectrum survey online, and it pronounced that I was politically disaffected. I tend to agree with that.
SilentDawning wrote:I don’t want to refer to myself as disaffected anymore, as that’s not where I want go, and we tend to become what we label ourselves as being.
True.I don’t like labels much at all, when it comes to myself – never have.
I’m changing too much for any set label…
Maybe I’ll call myself confused chameleon (I tend to change to the opposite of my environment).
:angel: 👿 
😳 
formerly disaffected ? is that a better way of putting it SD ? church disaffection just means to me that something happened along our faith journey that turned us off to church.
types of disaffection:
– church culture (social expectations, true blue mormons, WoW, Law of chastity, etc.)
– discovered church history discrepancies (polygamy, polyandry, mountain meadow massacres. etc.)
– church administration decisions. (use of tithing)
– lifestyle changes that go against the flow of church culture. (gay lifestyle, cohabitation, transgender issues, etc.)
once a person becomes disaffected, the question is where does it lead to ?
my affection – disaffection journey from A to Z:
1) situation at church socially lead me to feel socially ostracized
2) i was angry at God for what had happened to me
3) i took a second look at what i believed and asked myself “does it have validity ?”
4) lived outside of church expectations to gain back a personal sense of identity
5) examined my spiritual experiences
6) realized everything in the church isn’t perfect, yet validated my spiritual experiences as sacred or valuable
7) still contemplating where, how the LDS church fits into my life. belief in Christ/God still important to me
It’s better than the terms defective or apostate 
Labels always fall short on some level.
I think I’d be ok with someone calling me unorthodox but I don’t think of myself as disaffected either. “Atypical” is probably too vague? Or just plain unusual…I’m an unusual Mormon in that I …[insert slightly unusual belief here that is not offensive]. I’m unusual in that I “tend to interpret the scriptures less literally than some people”. Peculiar. That’s funny — the BoM says that we will be called a “peculiar people”. How funny to be able to say I am fulfilling the prophecy in the Book of Mormon by being a peculiar Mormon! I think “disaffected” works as a label for people in a certain phase of transition. I don’t consider myself to be disaffected anymore. I am affected, just very unorthodox, most probably heretical. I’m a happy heretic. I personally prefer to just call myself “Mormon,” and then add details and further clarification as needed.
During this time that I’m struggling to make sense of everything, I’m finding that I don’t like labels very much (which is funny, because I used to have no problems with them). For me, unorthodox seems ok, but I was talking with my wife today and she said something about my ‘transition’. I’m not sure I even like the term transition, because right now, I’m uncomfortable thinking that I’m transitioning TO . I know we’re always in transition to something, but for some reason, I’m more comfortable with what I’m going through to be called a ‘struggle’. scooter wrote:During this time that I’m struggling to make sense of everything, I’m finding that I don’t like labels very much (which is funny, because I used to have no problems with them). For me, unorthodox seems ok, but I was talking with my wife today and she said something about my ‘transition’. I’m not sure I even like the term transition, because right now, I’m uncomfortable thinking that I’m transitioning TO
. I know we’re always in transition to something, but for some reason, I’m more comfortable with what I’m going through to be called a ‘struggle’. I think that “thinking” things through, pondering, studying it out & praying, is living the gospel (good news)!
It’s a balance though… I don’t want to be like an ostrich with my head in the sand about any “uncomfortable” truth. Denial is ignor-ance, which is the root of much suffering.
Yet, I also don’t want to be dwelling on everything that’s wrong. I need to be empowered by the truth – & pray that God will
“grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can & wisdom to know the difference.”
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