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Hi all. I’m new here but don’t know really what to put. After all I have been through. I want to say I still believe but my thoughts will never be the same. Growing up in a very TBM family, ward and stake by Los Angeles. Believing in everything in level and intensity word for word from the pulpit. The intensity transferred to my parents which transferred to us. Growing up in a environment that expected perfection. Where the worst thing a GA was thought to have done was maybe curse once when he was younger. I got punished severely from making normal child mistakes. I learned later on that my mother had gotten the ideas from other TBM parents. And a TBM tough love program. I love my parents deeply. So I can’t get into what they were. Suffice it to say it was to intense for me to cope with and I tired to take my life as a older teen. It was during my stay in The hospital at ICU that I bore my testimony. At least of god and Christ. While the toxic death level for death was at 90 for the meds I took I was at 380. All the doctors were completely confounded as to why I was alive. They told me they hadn’t believed really in miracules but they had never seen or heard anything like this. I’ve had many good experiences in the LDS faith over the years and many extremes. Just riding to church on a motorcycle one day caused me to viewed from a spiritual man to a gossip of a “rebel” and “influenced by Satan” . Such a dramatic shift by just riding a motorcycle to church…..?
One year I lost my job(for standing up to what I was taught and believed to be right and took the bikini clad cland calendars down in my office posted by other employees), lost my car in a accident shortly after, lost my girlfriend shirtly after that, then lost my best friend who went crazy. I maintained my faith and continued to go to the singles ward. Where the home teacher of my recent Ex GF was seeing her and spending the night. I tired to talk to her from concern but only to get continually confronted by her new BF to stay away from her even though we were o good terms. He continued to confront me taking me outside during church. Yelling screaming. I tried to talk to the bishop about it but he just told me to pray and read scriptures and to smile and not let anyone know of my problems and pretend all is well. He also told me not to frown or show any sadness as to not let others feel bad by seeing a frown.
Many more stuff did occur which I can’t get into. My life from all this has been about faith, hope and charity. I believe that wih all my heart and it is what attracts me most to the bible and book of Mormon. However after fidning out the complete truth of our history after going through all that and all the expected perfection still being preached from the pulpit today even at my local ward. I can’t maintain a complete believe in the some of the teachings that have resulted in a severe environment and a unhealthy emotional commitments.
I here trying to share the good and bad of our wonderful religion and try to sort things out that may be unhealthy to go by so I don’t teach it to my future kids or practice it in my future marriage. I just want to take all the good found in our religion and toss away the bad while still trying to be temple worthy. And live a life of charity and understanding to others.
A life like “walk well my brother” short story. “snow walker” movie. I believe very much in this concept with all my heart.
Welcome to the forum, forgotten_charity, glad you at here! Thanks for the intro. It really does help to understand each other better. Forgotten_Charity, thank you for the introduction. I hope you feel welcome here.
Mike from Milton.
Thank you for the welcome. As this is my first time even posting on the Internet I find it quite interesting and ironic, especially since I have been using the Internet since 1992 lol. I want to say despite my weakness in typing I hope what ever I say may not come across as as anger or too negative. In person I tend to talk about things as observing as a matter of factly (as in personal experience and observation rather then emotional. I tend to be rather drained of emotion in recent years through dealing with different members hostility negativity. But I also recognize the beauty and charity other members have used to uplift each other. I’m going to parser or erase the post on church finances because I don’t want anything to possibly lead back to my father that may possibly create hardships or seem like I have a axe to grind. I don’t. I just want to embrace all the beauty and positivity in the church and life while sorting or shirting aside the negative aspects in church and life. I think if people hold anger in their hearts for what ever reason will only lead it to consume them and have less love to offer in their relationships in as much as they allow themselves to remain angry. I really do love this sites positive atmosphere and respect to each others different views. Hi, forgotten_charity… I liked your comment, “Where the worst thing a GA was thought to have done was maybe curse once when he was younger.” I think this is a real problem in the church today, this idea that to be a leader or a witness for Christ, you must be “squeaky clean”, practically having had a halo over your head from the day you were born.
Forgotten_Charity wrote:I think if people hold anger in their hearts for what ever reason will only lead it to consume them and have less love to offer in their relationships in as much as they allow themselves to remain angry. I really do love this sites positive atmosphere and respect to each others different views.
anger is like hot coals, huh? You gotta find healthy ways to let it go.That idealized concept of perfection works for a few people. It really crashes faith hard for a lot of people who take it literally. It’s a tough road my friend. Hang in there. Hopefully you can unwind some of that stuff in your life that is causing you negativity. It’s still nice to work towards becoming a better person, but I like to remember I have ALL ETERNITY to get there. Hi Benlin. Well, to be fair there are members who don’t listen at all or care about GA. However making countless obedience speeches won’t change that and probably cause further distance from them. The TBM on the other hand further thier perfection view to an unhealthy unobtainable level. A title does not change anyone or make them near perfect. We can’t change what others think(nor do I really want to) but we can change ourselves to a reasonable obtainable level to acheive as a goal. Heber13– the irony of what you just said in comparison to a church teaching about a young man you asked his GA why he needed to come “every” Sunday to church and the GA took the hot coal out of the fireplace and placed it by itself to cool down is ironic lol. Yes I have watched countless people hold grudges for thier entire life. I quickly decided I didn’t want to be a part of the exmo or other negative sites that seem to only help that. That’s why I’m
So glad for this sites more positive approach but without faking all is well in the land of Zion(I was actually told to
do that by the SP and Bishop when I told them what was going on in the ward).
Brian– I really like this site. The mybrid of views while respecting one another is really unquie especailly in the Mormon world. You can find many exmo sites and many all is perfect in the land of Zion sites but very few maybe all isn’t perfect in the land of Zion but it is our home and maybe we can make it work for us sites. This Mormon matters and Mormon stories are my lds mainstay sites now. Moderating these sites is a lot tougher then the other 2 types. I’m happy to see a diverse background of people talking and respecting each other. It makes me feel good to see that inside Mormon culture or people.
Hi ForgottenCharity, Welcome!
A friend explained how the church isn’t the most significant influence – our parents are.
Our parents translate what the church means. Essentially, parents are like gods to children.
And if parents are worshiping the warped definition of a cruel, condemning & critical god, then they will parent similarly.
And then often times the children will believe god to be as their parents are.
Yet, it seems that you’ve come to be able to distinguish between the two.
You realize there are GOoD aspects of the church, & harmful aspects & want just what is of God, nothing else.
I feel similarly & can relate with other experiences you’ve had.
I tend to be very critical of myself – & beat myself up over stupid things – still.
I want to learn to be more loving to myself so I can be more naturally loving to others.
Forgotten_Charity wrote:I tried to talk to the bishop about it but he just told me to pray and read scriptures and to smile and not let anyone know of my problems and pretend all is well. He also told me not to frown or show any sadness as to not let others feel bad by seeing a frown.
Ouch. I believe that this is a harmful, but all too common, aspect of church culture. Wearing a happy mask can make you more miserable, and it can also make everybody who is hurting inside feel alone.
You don’t have to complain to everybody and tell them the story, but you don’t have to pretend either.
amertune wrote:Forgotten_Charity wrote:I tried to talk to the bishop about it but he just told me to pray and read scriptures and to smile and not let anyone know of my problems and pretend all is well. He also told me not to frown or show any sadness as to not let others feel bad by seeing a frown.
Ouch. I believe that this is a harmful, but all too common, aspect of church culture. Wearing a happy mask can make you more miserable, and it can also make everybody who is hurting inside feel alone.
You don’t have to complain to everybody and tell them the story, but you don’t have to pretend either.
I agree, in fact I really don’t like stories spreading around about people’s personal lives. I’m a man that keep my emotions to himself, I can be hard to read a lot of times my friends tell me. In this situation I kept my feelings to myself and tried to deal with them while at church service. I was a wreck inside but maintained a confident appearance outside. Until my ex GF new boyfriend and my former friend who I wanted to remain friends with started yelling at me outside church during church service and harassing me because she still came to me to talk and for advice. That’s when I went to the bishop after a few weeks of that I began to break down in church because of it. After I told the bishop that was my response. For the next few months I was still being harassed and yelled at by him during church service. I began to complete lose my fake mask and couldn’t contain it and confinued to fall apart during church at that time. I wouldn’t let up and nothing was being done about it so I eventually stopped going to remove myself from the situation. I wanted harmony. I pray for harmony within and out of the church that we may attend in peace.
I’d like to add one thing. We can’t “comfort those who stand in need of comfort” (Mos. 18:8-9) if we hide all of our problems and wear a mask.
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