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  • July 25, 2012 at 10:31 pm #206877
    Anonymous
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    I’ve written up some tips to help others like me who want to find a way back to orthodoxy. It’s a work in progress for sure. I plan to add some ideas on approaching specific issues. Please let me know of any changes that would be beneficial. I also welcome any ideas for additions.

    CONTENTS

    Introduction

    Tips on the Way Back

    -Relax

    -Remember

    -Cognitive Distortions

  • All-or-nothing Thinking

  • Binocular Trick

  • Mental Filter

  • “Should” Statements

    • -Search, ponder, and pray

    -Repent

    -Knowing

    INTRODUCTION

    Some employ a middle way within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after experiencing a testimony crisis. Here we discuss a way back to being a TBM (True Believing Mormon or True Blue Mormon), which means being an orthodox member.

    Being orthodox does not mean all things in the scriptures must be taken literally and that we must agree 100% with everything general authorities say. Remember, “Not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine. A single statement made by a single leader on a single occasion often represents a personal, though well-considered, opinion, but is not meant to be officially binding for the whole Church” (http://www.mormonnewsroom.org). Perhaps it means that we have a testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Restoration, and the other basic principles of the Gospel as taught by the Church and we strive to live accordingly.

    Going to church, we inevitably hear testimonies of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, the Restoration (including comments about “the only true and living church”), the Book of Mormon, the current prophet, and other church-related beliefs. We hear testimonies of a literal nature and they often say “I know.” Church doctrine, practices, and policies are repeatedly taught. It may be easier to stay in the church when such testimonies and teachings ring true and do not cause discomfort.

    Is it possible to go back to being a TBM? I say it is. Serious doubts and concerns can melt away and it is possible to have the same good feelings and testimony that are seemingly lost forever, even after experiencing a deep crisis.

    TIPS ON THE WAY BACK

    Relax

    When experiencing a testimony crisis, try to relax. Don’t go out and get drunk, burn your garments, or do other things that you might regret later. Doing those things can make the situation more complicated. If your testimony still has a chance, can you act in a way that will allow the Spirit to be with you even though you are having doubts?

    If you don’t believe the Spirit can or will help you, consider reining in any urge to break church rules for the sake of your health, family, friends, or any other reason you can think of. This may just make life a bit easier for yourself and those around you.

    It’s sometimes helpful to take time to think things through. Try not to jump to conclusions.

    Remember

    When a couple is struggling in their marriage, they are probably not thinking about how they came to love each other, their wedding day, the honeymoon, and other good times. Sometimes it helps to remember those things to help rekindle their relationship. One might say, “Oh, yeah! That’s why we got married.”

    During a testimony crisis, it’s easy to forget about the good spiritual experiences we have had. It’s also easy to minimize the significance of those experiences. As in a marriage, it may help to remember any good times. Can you think of times when you have felt the Spirit and remember why you felt it?

    Cognitive Distortions

    Our perceptions and how we interpret something greatly affects how we feel about it. Though thoughts appear to be valid, they can be distorted and inaccurate. These cognitive distortions can create a negative view of aspects of the church:

    All-or-nothing Thinking

    With all-or-nothing thinking, I may see myself as a total failure in school if I fail to get an “A” grade in one class. Such twisted thinking can also be applied to the church by considering it as either an unchangeable perfect body with a spotless history or a complete fraud. It may more appropriately be viewed as an organization sanctioned by God but led by men who are fallible, even though they seek inspiration and revelation. Though it teaches the true Gospel of Jesus Christ, policies and procedures can change as we learn line upon line, precept upon precept. Like the organization led my Moses, it does not have a spotless history.

    All-or-nothing thinking might hold Joseph Smith as either a glorious, mighty example of near-perfect virtue or a total scoundrel without any authority. He may more appropriately be viewed as a bona fide prophet of God who was a good man, though imperfect.

    Beware of all-or-nothing thinking! God does not view us that way.

    Binocular Trick

    Using binoculars, an object in the distance appears larger than it really is. You can also look through them the opposite way to make close objects appear smaller. Likewise, we sometimes make an aspect of the church larger or smaller than it really is. Are snippets of Brigham Young’s discourses really so important? Must there be horse remains in Mesoamerica for the Book of Mormon to be true? Do some people minimize the significance of the priesthood being on Earth or having another testament of Jesus Christ? Try to view things in their proper context.

    Mental Filter

    Rather than magnifying or minimizing issues, a mental filter causes you to ignore positive things like sunglasses block out sunlight. Do we sometimes dwell exclusively on negative details? Some members might like 95% of what Brigham Young said, but they focus only on what they don’t like. Some people seemed to forget all about charitable works done by the church after reading an article about the Church corporate organization. Try not to overlook the positive things in the church.

    “Should” Statements

    Trying to motivate yourself by thinking “I should do this” or “I must do that” can cause disappointment. If I think “I should have been a lawyer by now,” it creates guilt, shame, and bitterness. Why should I be a lawyer by now? Am I a failure because I’m not? What’s wrong with completing a law degree five years from now? “Should” statements are not constructive.

    When we think the church or a leader should have done this or should not have done that, are we really sure about it? Consider that there may be factors we are not aware of or don’t understand. For example, to say that a man should not have married a 16-year-old in the 19th century is unfairly applying today’s standards to a different time. Also, remember that God’s ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts.

    Search, Ponder, and Pray

    Sometimes the best ideas are learned in Primary. If you are not doing it already, it’s worth considering the classic admonition to “Search, Ponder, and Pray.” Search the best books, including the scriptures. Ponder and pray about it.

    “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon [these] words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of [these] words” (Alma 32:27).

    Repent

    You may be tired of hearing this, but is there anything you could repent of that might be getting in the way of revelation? This is not to say that everyone having doubts has sinned (beyond shortcomings we all have regularly). Just consider that you might be able to make some changes that would be helpful.

July 25, 2012 at 11:42 pm #256462
Anonymous
Guest

It’s a good first crack at it Nephite, but perhaps we should discuss a little why some of your thoughts and posts don’t agree with some others here in this forum all the time. Perhaps by discussing this document which you see as “a way back” to you, might help uncover some things about why others don’t see it the same way you do.

In general, I think you are starting with some presumptions that don’t ring true for everyone, and can be taken as insensitive or misunderstanding.

Here are a couple initial thoughts:

Nephite wrote:

Some employ a middle way within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that is somewhere between true believing observance and leaving the church altogether.

I’m not sure you’ve grasped the full essence of the middle way. You make it sound like it is a compromise, which is why many view it as “less than faithful”. It might be that for some. I don’t think that it is that for all.

Nephite wrote:

Even if you think there is only a 1% chance that the church is still true, think about how you will better off by keeping the commandments during your period of doubt.

Why is it better off? For some, that might be the whole reason they’re struggling with the church, and yet you are telling them to think about how much better off they’d be. Some people have experienced being 100% obedient, and found they were not better off. So this kind of begs the question.

Nephite wrote:

You may have little faith in prayer and the scriptures right now, but it’s worth giving it a shot. “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon [these] words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of [these] words” (Alma 32:27). If you have any slight belief in God, do not cease praying!

Similar to above, it is hard to be told, “just keep doing it, its worth it”. Some tried to have faith in that for years. At some point, being told “just because its a good thing to do” wears off. You might want to look for more motivating arguments to help people who really struggle and feel suffering when they do this. Is there some reason you believe everyone must do this?

I really like this part…

Nephite wrote:

During a testimony crisis, it’s easy to forget about the good spiritual experiences we have had. It’s also easy to minimize the significance of those experiences. As in a marriage, it may help to remember the good times. Remember when you have felt the Spirit and remember why you felt it.

…but I would also be careful assuming everyone has had spiritual experiences before. Some people get frustrated hearing every Sunday from others experiencing things…yet don’t feel it in their lives.

Nephite wrote:

Beware of all-or-nothing thinking! God does not view us that way.

This one is a home run! I love this section!! Well done.

Just some of my initial reactions.

July 26, 2012 at 12:02 am #256463
Anonymous
Guest

Heber13 wrote:

I’m not sure you’ve grasped the full essence of the middle way. You make it sound like it is a compromise, which is why many view it as “less than faithful”. It might be that for some. I don’t think that it is that for all.


Yes, I thought there was a good chance that I was misrepresenting it. Maybe I can take that out completely. I don’t think there’s really a need to try to say what a middle way is.

Heber13 wrote:

Why is it better off? For some, that might be the whole reason they’re struggling with the church, and yet you are telling them to think about how much better off they’d be. Some people have experienced being 100% obedient, and found they were not better off. So this kind of begs the question.


Good point. I will address that.

Heber13 wrote:

Similar to above, it is hard to be told, “just keep doing it, its worth it”. Some tried to have faith in that for years. At some point, being told “just because its a good thing to do” wears off. You might want to look for more motivating arguments to help people who really struggle and feel suffering when they do this. Is there some reason you believe everyone must do this?


Hm, I will think about this one. I don’t think everyone must do this – I’m just offering suggestions.

I got to go. I’ll check it out more later.

July 26, 2012 at 4:31 am #256464
Anonymous
Guest

This comment is not going to address all the things you wrote, since I hope they work beautifully for you. I mean that sincerely. This comment is going to make one very specific point about me that I believe is important for everyone – orthodox, heterodox, combination-of-those-two-dox or even flat-out-crazy-dox.

I’ve been heterodox for as long as I can remember (literally, since I was seven years old, at the latest). I can’t “return to orthodoxy”; I don’t want to be orthodox; I want to be authentically me – my own, personal, right-with-God “I am”.

Part of our mission is to help people realize that what I just described is OK – and even good – and even right. We don’t have to play the same melody on the same instrument to be part of God’s orchestra. I will thank Elder Wirthlin until the day I die for that amazing analogy.

July 26, 2012 at 4:57 am #256465
Anonymous
Guest

Yeah, this is not for everyone. I see what you mean. I also want to be authentically me, as well as being an orthodox Mormon. Version 2.0 will be posted tomorrow and I hope to make its intent clearer. Thanks for the thoughtful feedback.

July 26, 2012 at 5:10 am #256466
Anonymous
Guest

Nephite, also understand this:

I’ve been heterodox all my life – but I’ve served in just about every calling in the LDS Church that is possible for me at the local level, except for Bishop and Stake President. I’ve served in all those callings while being heterodox but pretty orthoprax – with the limitations life has put on me at any given time. I’ve been appreciated by my leaders in every one of those callings (well, almost all of them, probably), all the while being totally, authentically me. It is possible to be a mixture of doxes (a walking paradox, as I’ve been called by more than one person in my life) and still be active and happy in the Church. The biggest key is self-acceptance, really.

Stage 4 is cancerous if extended too long, so many people go back to Stage 3 and are happy to be there. There is NOTHING wrong with that, if it works to bring peace and joy. Many people, however, can’t go back to Stage 3; many people have to figure out how to push through Stage 4 so it doens’t end up poisoning them and get to Stage 5. Generally speaking, this site is more about that journey than it is about returning to Stage 3 – even as we support FULLY those who need to “go back” in order to rediscover the peace and joy they once had.

Frankly, there probably are lurkers here who read what we write and think, “That’s nuts! I can’t wrap my mind around that. What I used to (or still do) believe makes WAY more sense than that crap. I’m out of here.” If that happens, I am happy – since we helped them get back the peace and joy they were losing or helped them stay with the peace and joy they have. I mean that, sincerely. In the end, my goal is to be right with myself and God – and if I can help others find that for themselves, I don’t care much how they do so or what “stage” someone might call it – or what type of “dox” they might be.

July 26, 2012 at 6:09 am #256467
Anonymous
Guest

What Heber/Ray said…pretty well word for word.

I really don’t think there is any way back to TBM. I dont think most people can put the cat back in the bag…and i think it might be a little naive for bishops and BPs to think and hope for that.

Personally, I hope to achieve a Fowler stage 5…before I revert back to a stage 3…because I know myself, and if that happens…it will be a black and white anti Mormon apostate stage 3….not TBM stage 3. :(

That is why I choose a middle way.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using Tapatalk 2

July 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm #256468
Anonymous
Guest

echoing heber, ray, and cwald’s comments.

I have been listening to the MormonMatters podcast on the Middle Way, and what Jared Anderson says is very important: an Authentic middle way is in some ways more mormon than the unconsidered believing position. It’s not easy to live the Middle Way; and it shouldn’t be characterized as you have done here, but you’re already in agreement that such language should be removed.

I believe you’re on the right track with your intent to find a way ‘back’ into full fellowship and belief in the church. I would say, further, that your comment about coming a position of ‘knowing’ some things is a desirable goal.

If this works for you then you should pursue them.

As for me, I have come back into full fellowship with the Church. I’m even considering a higher level of ‘orthopraxy’ than I have been wont to do. I have a deep and abiding testimony of what the restored gospel means to me. But I cannot return to the state where I believed historical fiction as if it were fact, and I will look forward with faith, but not knowledge, for those things unknowable. I will also not impute that every word uttered in conference is the gospel, but as both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young challenged LDS to do, I will try their words by the spirit.

July 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm #256469
Anonymous
Guest

Nephite wrote:

I’ve written up some tips to help others find a way back to orthodoxy.

It might very well be tips that help you find a way back to orthodoxy. If that is where the spirit is leading you, you should go on that quest. That is how the adventure story of our lives are written. Regardless of succeeding or failing, you will have another good story to share when we all meet in the mead hall of Valhalla.

July 26, 2012 at 2:37 pm #256470
Anonymous
Guest

Well said, Brian.

These are really good tips – for those for whom they will work. If that’s you, I am very happy for you and wouldn’t dream of criticizing the tips in any way. I hope that is clear.

July 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm #256471
Anonymous
Guest

I was careful writing the body of the thing, but then messed up writing my short preface here. I wrote “I’ve written up some tips to help others find a way back to orthodoxy.” Maybe that caused a misunderstanding. Now it says “I’ve written up some tips to help others who want to find a way back to orthodoxy.” I made several changes to the body as well.

July 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm #256472
Anonymous
Guest

Nephite, I think if people want to find a sincere way back to full activity in the church, it should include the things wayfarer is teaching.

You should also check out the comments in the thread by BeLikeChrist on “church-centered vs. Christ-centered”

http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3461” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3461

We can return to full activity when we put things in proper perspective and we see things in a new light. Then, some of the other things said or learned about the church don’t have to be stumbling blocks that keep a person out of the church, but can be stumbling blocks we navigate around while staying in the church with proper vision and with an honest heart.

It is not enough to tell another person to just keep praying. A person struggling must know WHY we pray.

We must know there is a difference between the church and it’s activities and the gospel of Christ.

The difference between being a church member and being a disciple of Christ.

The difference between revelation and prophets.

The difference between service and charity.

The difference between the way and obedience.

The difference between learning from the past, and living today and now.

It is all about vision, not hearers of the word only.

Quote:

Proverbs 29:18

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

July 28, 2012 at 8:36 pm #256473
Anonymous
Guest

Heber, thanks for taking the time to provide feedback. I changed the section Search, Ponder, and Pray. Its doesn’t say to just keep praying anymore. That was written because some people pray very little or not at all. Same with scripture study. People like ME neglect those things so it’s just a suggestion to give it a shot.

July 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm #256474
Anonymous
Guest

What teachings of wayfarer’s are you referring to? I will check out that other thread.,

July 29, 2012 at 12:08 am #256475
Anonymous
Guest

Nephite wrote:

What teachings of wayfarer’s are you referring to? I will check out that other thread.,


Yeah, I’m curious too… :-)

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