LDS Therapy

If you can afford it, I suggest getting your own therapist independent of the church. I think there’s a confidentiality issue with all this big time. I’m not sure where you live, but hopefully you can find another female LDS therapist that is focused on you and what is mentally healthy for you. Or just live your life knowing YOU have to take care of you and if a situation is causing too much stress, take care of yourself and change the situation . Best wishes!

this sounds like it’s going to become “counselitis”:

If you have problems, we’ll abate them.

If you have none, we’ll create them.

i find it odd, but not unexpected that the counselor cannot answer your questions. this means that the counselor is ethically challenged by being beholden to the church and not to you. i would be careful.

Unfortunately I have found that to be true. A few friends of mine were seeing LDS therapist for over a year with little improvement upon there particular situation, after recommending a some highly recommend therapist I met at charity fund raising events for rape victims and domestic violence they showed much improvement after 6 months. I’m sure there are great LDS therapist out there though as a side note. But thier experience wasn’t to different then yours so it makes me wonder if that is true. I think afterall suggestion about independent therapist may help a lot more if that opportunity is available to you. In either case I hope it all works out and I wish your marriage the best.

BTW…you do not covenant to wear garments in the temple. I would go And get married….and then make a decision about garments.

Not wearing them is not the end of the world.

It almost seems like she was trying to tell you that her advice was not to wear your garments within the constraints that she was allowed to and could keep her job.

It sounds like you are choosing the wise path!

I think my wife is the most true believing feminist I know. We just celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary on the outer banks of north carolina, with all of our daughters, their husbands and our grandchildren — it was really great. Earlier in the week, I asked my DW what she found hardest about this week 33 years ago, and for her, hands-down, it was the endowment. As true-blue and believing as she was and is, she had all sorts of anxiety about it, but once she went through it, she found it was ok for her.

I find it a bit of a miracle that she has put up with me for this long, but we take it a day at a time.

The point is that we often make more out of something than it merits. I’m very excited for what you’re going to experience over the next week — a huge set of milestones. It sounds like you really have a wonderful husband to be. Enjoy these next couple weeks — It even sounds like you have a pass on the garments for the time being – and…who wears garments on a honeymoon?

Sounds to me like youve gotten pretty good advice so far. Now relax and enjoy your happy day!

Thoughts from an LDS therapist:

– nobody conducting therapy can talk to your bishop or stake president without your written consent- even lds family services. I remember when I worked for them my first two years of practice, I had members who refused to sign the release and I still saw them.

– nobody can tell you exactly how long it will or will not take you to overcome whatever issue. As therapists we can offer prognosis and what tend to be patterns we see in other clients who struggle with similar issues – but each journey is highly individual

– it is not our job to make decisions for our clients or even give “leading” advice. However, it is our job to educate about health and to help you explore what that means to you as well as what it means in our overall culture and knowing what we know through the medical community/research. It is unethical for us to not be willing to engage in a discussion of what “health” means – even if this means for certain people a moving away from cultural/religious norms they feel pressure to adhere to. In other words, a good therapist should help you feel comfortable with the decision of wearing your garments or not wearing your garments as long as it’s coming from an authentic place on your part.

In my personal opinion, your mental health trumps religious ritual every time. As your overall journey leads you towards health – you can make decisions as to garments on your terms

Unfortunately in cultural Mormonism, we don’t have good templates for knowing how to allow this type of personal authority. We do have the concept of “personal revelation” but we are uncomfortable when personal revelation is different from church leadership revelation. And in some cases with good reason (i.e. murder, rape, taking advantage of ones power over another). However, when it comes to ritual and day-to-day decisions (i.e. callings, attendance, garment wearing, tithing paying, etc.) – there is a lot of pressure to conform and hardly any respect for individuals to come up with answers different than the norms set out for all to comply with.

In some cases, working with the clergy as a team with the therapist can be highly beneficial. For example when I have clients with severe OCD and they are confessing to their bishops on a regular basis – it’s helpful for me to have contact with the bishop and for us to come up with a team approach to help the client understand this is not necessary. However, in other cases it can be harmful. If a client isn’t ready to “confess” or doesn’t feel safe with said clergy or if there are going to be public repercussions or if it gets in the way of being completely open with your therapist because of fear of confidentiality breaches – this is all problematic.

You may not be able to completely approach certain people in the church authentically without being “punished” per se. I hope your marriage is not a place where this is the case. Obviously the ideal in marriage is to have safe transparency.