Our Son is Gay–And We Love Him

That is a tremendous story, thanks for that!

Awesome. I was also captivated by the thought process behind going public. Not just to family, but to the ward and the school. Knowing that this very publicity may trigger acts of intolerance against Jordan. Yet also knowing that if the only defense was secrecy then they would be powerless to do anything but maintain the charade at school/church always fearfull that someone somewhere might find out and “out” Jordan in a way not of his choosing.

1. Does your 13-y.o. son want you to out him publicly?

The answer is actually pretty simple: people progress and if we find better and more Christ-like ways to apply and implement the gospel, we should do just that. By your reckoning, anyone who has a change of heart is a hypocrite. It doesn’t exactly leave much room to gain any allies.

As far as Jordan wanting to be out publicly, that was a long, thought out question that all of us debated. Time will tell if it is the correct one. For sure Jordan has followed our lead, but he has been very brave. He feels that if we can help just one person like him have a better life, he was willing to help. Although we approached this with a healthy fear of the unexpected and the prejudices that are out there, here have been some of the results:

1) Jordan is happier. He is not hiding in fear.

2) He is not alone. He is secure in his family’s support and now many, many of his friends and adults.

3) He knows who his allies are. Many would never have known he was gay and he would have feared the worst in their reactions.

4) For 2 years, Jordan has withdrawn from his friends both at school and at Church. Just about everyone has put an arm around him and reassured him that he has a place both at school and at Church. Instead of his next four years being lived in isolation and fear, he can move forward confident of his friends, family and support.

5) As a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood, he knows that his Bishop is behind him and that living a chaste life makes him as worthy as any other young man in the ward.

6) Because Jordan is out, we as parents can take upon ourselves to educate and be an influence on how our friends and family treat him. In addition, we (Jordan included) hope to positively help young kids in similar situations and hopefully influence their parents in how they react and treat their children.

7) Because Jordan is out, we as parents can establish the expectation among our friends, family and community in how Jordan is to be treated. Anyone with a problem with that can deal with us instead of harassing him. Part of my responsibility as a parent is to shield my son.

Tom Montogmery