Perfection in Mormonism Leads to Depression/Despair?

Wayfarer has mentioned a very healthy productive definition of “perfection”. A literal definition would cause one(person) to feel the entire weight of everything they have done or not done on the to do or not do list. It’s a wright that will cruch even the strongest of wills over time. It’s not healthy and will often cause massive mood swings in people expecting a liters

Perfection or close to as possible. A more healty view is to do our best to love god and our neighbors. Do what we can and with reasonable expectations. Don’t set yourself up for failure. All you can do is your best. Your best will very from day to day. Learn to be happy with your best, what ever it is. Setting expectations to high will set yourself up and then feel the weight of… You guessed it…being human. It’s ok. learning to be happy with yourself and a reasonable goal without pressuring yourself, especially in a unrealistic way or timetable. Perfectionism tends to be very unhealthy in any manor. The people that learn to be happy with thier best at the end of the day do better with that. Remember a persons best including yours will very. I hope you don’t put to much pressure on yourself. Relax. Breath. The lord knows you aren’t perfect. Nor dies he expect you to be the literal definition of perfect. Enjoy your movie and have a great night.

I want to share an experience on the weekend. My family was away, and the day they left I was it with some very bad, depressing news from a senior manager in my work — partly because of a career choice I made recently. I shared it with a co-worker who used to be in management. That weekennd he called me and drove over to my house to talk to me about it on the weekend. He’s not a Mormon, not a Christian, but a Muslim, but part of a little known sect — I know very little about it.

But he’s very spiritual. At the end of our meeting, he told me to pray for the gift of forgiveness. He says he has it, and that it fills him with charity and discernment into how others are feeling. He’s had it since he was a child. I asked what led him to say that — and he said — you are too hard on yourself. Not that I don’t forgive others, not that I am unforgiving of the world, but that I don’t forgive myself.

Forgiveness is a Christlike quality — a divine one, and the maxim “to err is human, to forgive divine” is full of truth — even when aimed at oneself. Go forward and do your best with a good heart. Apologize for the the mistakes you make to God, to yourself, and keep plodding on doing your best.

I have faith you will be OK, as I will. We are only human, we can only do so much, and we are assuaulted from all sides — the insensitivities of others, their errors, their conflicting interests, their own mistakes, their own frailties, our physical bodies, our genetics. Go forward and try to do as much good as possible and focus on loving yourself as you strive to perfect yourself. That is my advice.

[note — in the positive psychology I’ve been reading lately, one trait of people who suffer from the blues/depression is that they take far too much responsibility for the things that go wrong in their lives. Optimists tend to see setbacks, problems, and other disturbing things as caused by forces beyond their control — not in an unhealthy way, but in a more balanced way than depressed people. I think this bears on the church — some of the lesson material and even doctrine exacerbates this among people who have that tendency to blame themselves for everything. Dispute it, and be realistic about what a mere mortal can do, and again forgive yourself].

I know that we seldom give the Epistle of Paul to the Romans a lot of credance in the church, but I find it to be immensely important. In chapter 14, Paul is addressing the fact that some in the church have problems with eating meat, mainly because they culturally used to follow kashrut (kosher laws), and the meats in gentile cities like Rome were frequently butchered incorrectly or part of sacrificial offerings to heathen gods. So, there were those who thought the ‘Word of Wisdom’ (of the time) prohibited meat eating. Others had in their faith recognized that such perfection was not necessary — god doesn’t measure what you eat or drink, but rather, where your heart is.

I think Paul’s message in Romans 14 is essential as we think of ‘perfection’, and especially the outward ordinances and rules of the church. THEY ARE NOT NECESSARY. But, that said, Paul encourages us that for the sake of those who, in their faith journey, think that they are, then we participate together. Paul recommends that if my eating meat offends someone, then don’t eat meat in their presence. It’s not a doctrine to do so, but it’s polite. On a personal level, however, Paul sees something beyond:

16 Let not then your good be evil spoken of:

17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

18 For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.

19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

20 For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.

21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

22 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.

Notice the highlighted, underscored statement: Happiness is not condemning yourself in what you do. Phenomenal advice.

When I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, there were things that i was doing that I thought very important, but because they were outside of the church context, my wife was very unsupportive and critical. I was at the time participating in an interfaith group, and we were sponsoring political action that wasn’t exactly favored by the Church: ERA, Gay rights, voting rights for DC, etc. One thing in particular was that I was investing in expensive sound equipment to help put on some of these interfaith choirs, and my wife was frustrated with this spending — we definitely could afford it, but she wanted to control it entirely. I wanted to be in line with my wife, but I also saw a compelling higher purpose. The CogDis was killing me. I went on medication, and as I went through therapy, one of my doctors had to help me give myself permission for doing things that made me feel good. It was hard, but we simply condemn ourselves for doing good things — for taking care of ourselves. This was all 20 years ago.

I have found Paul’s advice to be very critical: make peace — know that it does not matter whether we eat meat or drink wine, except to those who find such things reprehensible. Happy is s/he that condemneth not himself in that which he alloweth.

This was part of a very spiritual experience to me.

What loes “low” mean as an acronymn, Ray?

Got it — I’ve been mistaking it for LOW for three years now! No wonder I’m so confused in Mormonism. It’s Ray’s acronymns that did it. (just kidding).