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Greetings, I just need a moment to vent as I have been stewing for the last few days over events related to the upcoming temple open house here in Calgary.
So our family gets back from vacation and there is a message on our answering machine from one of the Stake High Councilors. It is along the lines of, “Hi Brother Canucknuckle, I have the assignments for you and your wife for the upcoming temple open house. Please give me a call.”
I found this odd since I didn’t sign-up for anything or respond to any requests for volunteers, so I ask the DW if she did. Nope.
So we both listen to the message and both agree that he probably meant to say “Hi, we have a list of possible dates and times for you to serve at the open house, if your available.” So we call him back and we leave a message saying we got his message and he should feel free to call us back when he can.
A few days pass.
Then in the middle of last week a different HC calls us and I answer the phone. “Hi Brother Canucknucke, I have you and your wife’s assignments for the open house. They are from 2-10pm Saturday parking and 10 – midnight cleaning on the following Saturday.”
I am completely caught off guard, “Umm … are both of us supposed to be there for each time.”
“Yes.”
I don’t know what to say so I confirm the information he just threw at me and say “I’ll need to talk to my wife about this. I’ll call you back in an hour.”
He responds with “Are you saying that you won’t do it?”
“No, I’m saying that I need to check to see if either of us can do it.”
I relay the info to my DW and even she is taken aback. We realize that first, with children at home there is no way that both of us can serve at the same time. Second, the first day she has to work as her job requires her to put in overtime at the end of the month and I’m not going to leave my kids home alone for several hours. Third, one of us could probably do the cleaning but not both and since I don’t plan on going to the dedication the DW said she could do it.
I call the HC back and tell him no for the first day and only the DW for the second. He seems a little annoyed but too bad.
Then Sunday afternoon the Bishop calls us to see if we received our temple assignments and I relay to him exactly what occurred. He asks if we could serve some other time (which is nice since it is the first invitation we were offered) and I say yes, but not the last weekend of the month and note both at the same time. He said he understood and would see if there was anytime else and get back to us.
It just ticks me off that the Stake is so presumptuous in just assigning tasks and did not invite people to serve where they can first.
:problem: This annoyance was further increased on Sunday when the youth of our ward were invited to sign up to serve at the open house by putting the little white “booties” on the visitors feet before they enter the temple. My 12 year was excited to go and sign up after Sacrament Meeting. Only, as we ask for what times are available we find out that all the times are during school hours
👿 I really don’t like it when the church asks us to take our kids our of school (or for us to take time off of work) to serve. This is further compounded by the fact that even if we were willing to take our son out of school (we aren’t) we have no way of getting him to the temple and back as both my DW and I are at work.I am trying really hard to find positive things about church and I am even willing to serve at the open house in some capacity in order to try and establish some positive emotions that are connected to the temple (see my other thread about temples if you want to know more) but crap like this annoys me!
Hopefully, my bishop will find some other time that I can offer my service.
Have any of you ever been just flat our assigned things at church? What did you do?
:eh: (venting finished, I feel better already)
missionary splits and cleaning assignments in our ward have been issued without volunteering. It’s an approach. Maybe not the best approach. The challenge is that when there is more work to do for a ward than the leadership expects as volunteers, then the blanket assumption that you’re called to help will get the necessary support. since you are supposed to consecrate your time, talents and everything else to the church, then there should be no problem taking on an assignment.
I can see the logic, but it should be better administered. If it’s going to be a ‘calling’, then there should be the personal touch to call the person to it, and then work schedules accordingly. Arbitrary assignments suck.
Hi Canucknuckle (great name! 🙂 )It has been assumed that I would serve, without being asked & yes, it is annoying & IMO, disrespectful.
I’m grateful that hasn’t happened too often lately, though.
I think it’s helped that I’m learning to be assertive & when it’s best to say “no.”
I don’t think the plan of free agency is about dictating who is to do what & when.
On the other hand, there have been times when there was a need I saw & I just did it, even though it wasn’t my job.
One thing I like about the church is the convenient opportunity to serve… but when we are taken advantage of, it’s not right.
In fact, if taken to the extreme (like when a small group of members do most of the work of the ward) it can be breaking the highest commandment: to love others AND love oneself.
This happened to me with chapel cleaning and also missionary exchanges. As people would routinely refuse to take assignments from me as a leader, I do the same now. Also, for my inner peace, I’ve sent boundaries around the things I will do in the church and how much time it can extract from me. I agree it’s presumptuous to just give an assignment to people at an imposed time and then even be a bit annoyed that they can’t/won’t do it.
However, if this happened to me, I would see it as affirmation that I am in control of my service to the church, and that church and individual needs need to be balanced. In deciding for myself how much time I give, I would feel good that I have claimed my right to serve and worship as my conscience and circumstances allow.
At the same time, I see a lot of people who are acting in highly dedicated ways to the temple. Even though I don’t share the same excitement about the temple, I have been trying to admire their commitment, as this is part of gentlemanly character — to appreciate the commitment of other people.
It has happened to me. I understand how hard it is to get some things done, so I understand the approach, even if I don’t like it. So, if I can do it, I do it; if I can’t, I don’t. If I can’t, I thank the person for asking me (and I frame it way, even if it is framed to me as an assignment) and explain why I can’t – and I ask them to ASK me again in the future with enough advance notice to see if I can make it work. I always leave the final decision in my own hands, but I always leave it worded in a positive manner. I never make a big deal about it, but I also don’t accept something I feel I can’t or shouldn’t do – but I also don’t say “No” reflexively. I really do give it serious consideration and do it if I can.
I’ve said no to “assignments” in every calling in which I’ve served – including to my Stake President when serving as a High Councilor.
The open house is ambitious. I’m not sure how it works in other cities, but having the need for several hundred people to be serving every day from 7:00 am to 11:00 pm boggles my mind. I mean, how many people do they expect to be rolling through at 8:00 in the morning? I think 4:00 pm to 9:00 pm would have been sufficient. At any rate, in our ward/stake, first they asked for volunteers that would be assigned according to the open house guidelines. Then, because naturally they were short volunteers who can just give up days in the middle of the week, they asked for the already assigned volunteers to work extra shifts. That came with the suggestion of maybe don’t work at the temple from 7:00 am to 11:00 pm, you might get tired, so maybe work at your job all day, and then go work the temple all night. I failed to see the difference. At any rate, I now am having a 16 hour shift of custodial work. FIne, I can handle that.
Then out of the blue a HC phones me up the other night and asks me to do security for VIP day. So, now we are up to 3 shifts from the original one. I volunteered for, thinking of my family, kids, and keeping the peace.
I’m not planning on attending the dedication either.
Okay, I’ve just about had it with phone calls from my Bishop and various HC’s. I don’t know how many times I can tell them the same things over and over again. – Sorry my wife and I can’t both be at the temple at the same time as we are uncomfortable leaving our children alone for 8 hours at a time.
– Sorry we can’t work the last weekend of September as my wife has work responsibilities and will be working for at least part of the day.
– Sorry I can’t book time off work to work during the week as I just started a new job. No my wife can’t book time of work either.
Listen, I know they need people. I’ve done this open house thing before when they did it in Edmonton. But asking for 8 hour parking shifts that start at 2pm on a weekday is just ridiculous. 3 to 4 hour shifts would work better and allow more flexibility in general.
Oh well, I think they will give up on me now. I don’t know why I am worried about this. I’m not going to the dedication and have no plans at the moment of going once the building is dedicated, so I think I will just let this issue drop by the wayside.
Apathy toward the temple and my ward is starting to set in firmly. Which I figure is better for me than all the anger, annoyance, and bitterness I have been experiencing over the last decade.
It seems to happen to all of us at one time or the other. Half the time I hear we are a church of volunteers and the other half we are a church of assignment. But at the same time we absolutely have to balance our families and work with the church. One thing I have noticed is many times those being most demanding when making assignments are retired or stay at home moms when it comes to the women auxiliaries. They can border on unreasonable.
The other thing I notice is that sometimes those calling are positioned better in their jobs to take time off of work and so have a hard time understanding that other people’s jobs may not work that way. Especially in this economy, many people are being expected to give more than ever at work and even be on call at home at all hours.
I agree with Ray and we take his approach too in our family. Ultimately, those calling are just trying to fulfill their assignment/volunteer duty, so no need to be frustrated with them. They are probably short on time and people at this point. Their assignment approach may have actually alienated some who might have volunteered.
I can totally understand why those assignments would not have worked for your family.
Assignments are used all the time in my ward, but not quite as egregiously as they were in your case. We are assigned
-church cleaning
-driving and chaperoning at dances
-driving and chaperoning at the temple
Both dances and the temple are a long drive, and driving to the temple requires going on a toll road, toll bridge and paying for parking (Manhattan). So the cost is easily $40-$50.
Our family has also been assigned to donate $X to missionary funds and to help needy families in the ward.
In all cases I don’t mind helping, but would like to be able to choose to serve in a way that works for me.
I feel like they change the nature of the choice from “Sister Rebecca would you like to be helpful and charitable” to “Sister Rebecca are you going to obey your leaders no matter what they tell you.”
I would rather be charitable than obedient.
rebeccad wrote:I would rather be charitable than obedient.
I think that sums up my views rather well.
🙂 Canucknuckle wrote:rebeccad wrote:I would rather be charitable than obedient.
I think that sums up my views rather well.
🙂
+1I really think rebecca nailed it.
And the hits keep coming. Today someone handed my DW a stack of invitations for the open house and a map of our neighbourhood without any explanation. Apparently we have been assigned to take an invitation and hand deliver it to each home in our neighbourhood. What makes this even more crazy is that the temple is no where near complete. I mean some estimates say that it is at least two months behind schedule. The first day of the open house is scheduled for this Tuesday. The word at church is that there is a GA coming tomorrow to give final approval and many people think that he will just say “no” to the open house happening at this time.
We have had emergency emails go out the whole last week for people to come to the temple and help with the work. Our ward members have been doing landscaping, plumbing, etc. I guess the whole thing has just been a gong show. Yesterday some of the journeymen tradesmen walked off the job because the members were just getting in their way too much.
We will see what happens in the days to come.
Interesting, to put it mildly. I’ve never heard of this situation with the construction of a temple and the open house. Distribute the invitations or don’t. Your call. Just don’t feel guilty if you decide not to do it, and don’t feel resentful if you decide to do it. It’s your call.
Old-Timer wrote:Just don’t feel guilty if you decide not to do it, and don’t feel resentful if you decide to do it. It’s your call.
Thanks Ray
🙂 That is exactly what I needed to hear and why I keep coming back to the site!
Canucknuckle wrote:We have had emergency emails go out the whole last week for people to come to the temple and help with the work. Our ward members have been doing landscaping, plumbing, etc. I guess the whole thing has just been a gong show. Yesterday some of the journeymen tradesmen walked off the job because the members were just getting in their way too much.
We will see what happens in the days to come.
Jesus is coming…Look Busy!
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