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So, I can quite certainly say I have had my head buried in the sand. Being raised in a TBM family no one ever talked about anything bad that could ever be happening in the church… of course. I went to college in Arizona so there was no mention anywhere of Mormon-goings-on. My friends were all LDS, not into church history or events. I ran my own business where nothing was ever discussed, so I am coming across a lot of stuff I feel I should have known for years now but didn’t. In 2006 I found myself single again after several years of being married. The LDS dating world after divorce was… interesting. I wrote a blog about it at the time, just joking around. You probably would have had to be divorced LDS to relate, but my divorced friends and I laughed about it. I posted it below so you can see what my beef here is, but first my point. I posted this blog on MySpace. Facebook hadn’t really taken over yet. Myspace was how I kept in touch with my friends in Arizona, as I had recently moved to Utah. Funny, I can’t stand social networking sites anymore, lol. Anyway, one day I was called into the Bishop’s Office. He sat me down and proceeded to chastise me and told me that “someone in the ward” had found my MySpace profile and my blog, and they were “worried about me” that I was becoming anti-church, anti-men and anti-family. This is SO ironic and far from the truth because I loved the church and was very active at the time, and I liked men a lot and I am all about the family. I was thinking WTH??? And very put off that I felt there were “spies” who had nothing better to do with their lives apparently then to look up random people like me and twist very normal, very innocent (I felt) things against us and try to possibly even push for come kind of church action????
I had always thought this was very odd, and felt frustrated about it, but I am not one to readily just come up with conspiracy theories… especially about my church. Then I was doing some reading and I came across mention of “The Strengthening the Members Committee.” So yeah, call me ignorant but I had never heard of this before. So please correct me if I am wrong (PLEASE) but from my understanding, this is a secret (not sacred, lol!) committee formed by the church that extends all the way up to the first presidency. Their job is to root out possible dissenters, apostates, heretics etc or anyone at all who they thought could be “a threat” and files are created on the offenders and they are reported to their leaders. Especially anything in written form is kept in files so that it can be used in church action later against the perpetrator if necessary. So I googled this, but of course a lot of anti-mormon crap popped up and I am not interested in reading anything heavily biased against the church, as they have “reason” to lie or at least exaggerate. I would like to consider factual sources on this as much as possible and I don’t know how to weed out truth away from the biased truth twisters. So… I turn to you all. What is the reality on this ‘committee’ and what sources do you recommend for finding out more? Are they really out there scouring info against the regular people or are they really just interested in high profile writers? Are they watching this website? Could it be that one of these spies is why I was marched into the Bishop’s office? Would they really be watching people’s MySpace and Facebook profiles? How paranoid should I be really? I am not really afraid of anything or what people think but I don’t like the idea that there is the big brother in the church.
Just because this illustrates how crazy it was that I was accused of being anti- this or that, here is the offending blog that landed me in the Bishop’s office:
The Dating Pool is Full of Piranhas!
Where do I start, but with WOW. Dating after divorce is interesting! When I say interesting- I mean the kind of interesting when you go to your great aunt’s house and she tells you all about her appendectomy in vivid detail— and then says she saved it in a jar and it’s soooo amazing– do you want to see it? Kinda makes you throw up a little in your mouth, but some twisted part of you just has to look as she shoves it toward your face. Yeah- it’s about like that. Don’t get me wrong- I love it about the time you can get past the 2nd or 3rd date when you are in a zone of comfort and share cuddling & call each other just to chat. But first dates? Well- they are about as fun as having tea and scones with your great aunt while the jarred appendix floats as your centerpiece.
So where do you meet guys? Well let’s see… for the most part, there are dances/singles activities, the Internet, blind dates, and possibly happenstance meetings in public places. If you are very lucky you might work with someone or know them from before- but not usually the case.
Happenstance meetings in public places– I am thinking this is only for sappy chic flix and never actually happens in real life. Half the married population doesn’t wear their wedding rings anymore, so it’s impossible to tell the taken from the not taken. Believe me, there is nothing more awkward than flirting with a guy a McD’s for 10 minutes, and then he introduces you to his wife as she walks out of the bathroom. If you are with your kids, talking to strangers is not all that hot of an idea anyway. “Kids, don’t talk to the strangers while mommy goes over to this strange man and hands him our phone number.” Honestly I think picking up strangers in public is probably one of the more dangerous ways to go about meeting guys anyway. Giving your phone number to a guy you have only talked to for 10 minutes in a checkout line? Why don’t you just go down to the the happy place with the funny white jackets and the nice pretty padded walls wearing heels and ask who would like a private bible reading. Now who is crazy??
Blind dates- Friends are so well meaning- you gotta love ’em. Your friends however, have their vision ever so slightly skewed. They are so excited about the prospect of setting you up that they overlook slight details of what you would want in a guy. Like the ability to speak. Or eat with a fork. Or bathe. Their minds start searching all the guys who they have met who aren’t married, and they become heat seeking missiles– looking more for any guy who can fog up a mirror placed under their nose. Two questions are all that begins to matter them: 1- Is he single, and 2- Is he breathing. And those are in order of importance, so number 2 is actually more of a suggestion than a requirement. So your friend who could pick out the perfect pair of shoes to go with your silver and black party dress you bought 6 months ago and she only saw once starts looking for your dates. The talent doesn’t transfer, believe me. She is so excited to introduce you to the guy she found for you- Mr. Furley (remember Three’s Company?) Yeah- with the argyle sweater, matching socks, high-water pants pulled up past the navel and all. And Mr. Furley is such a great, loyal guy cuz he loves his mom so much that he just couldn’t bear to leave her living all by herself when all his siblings left home. Isn’t that so chivalrous of him? And he’s such a giver- instead of going out to get a job with money in mind (money shouldn’t matter in the least anyway- unless you are a shallow person, right?) he wanted to go do something that really matters– so he has been working for the last 20 years sweeping up the floors at the soup kitchen. He’s actually given all the mice there cute little names like “Mr. Fuzzle Wuzzles,” and on Saturdays brings them bits of swiss cheese with grey poupon. Isn’t it heart melting that he loves animals so much?? What a soft hearted man! And for your first date, he simply must introduce you to every one of his Star Wars action figures. You even play “the name game” to help you memorize their little characters. Then you are off to Burger King where you can choose absolutely anything at all on the dollar menu! What a lucky gal you are! Sorry- not for me. But then again, maybe you always had a thing for Mr. Furley. You go for it girl- to each their own!
Internet- I actually prefer the Internet. Why? Cuz I can weed out a few Mr. Furleys here and there. Oh, occasionally one gets through. They are sneaky, those Mr. Furleys. Like the sock gnomes in my dryer. (See my Sock Gnomes blog.) But a few I can elminate off the bat just by a profile and a few emails. Can’t pick a good one that way though- you hafta move it “live and in person” as soon as you get a few demographic details out of the way. (Such as “Have you ever had little gray men abduct you introduce you to their king, Elvis and force you to eat peanut butter mayo bacon sandwiches while metal probes explore any orifice of your body?”) But you get liars for sure— Just beware: If you ask for a recent picture and they send over an oil painting- it might be a red flag. Some other Internet jargon translations: (At least 90% of the time- there always exceptions!)
* Self employed: I’m a paper boy
*(Anything sappy or romantic mentioning moonlit beach walks or gondoliers): Really, I just want to get laid am just telling you what I think will make you swoon
*Looking for an athletic woman: I only play with Barbies
*Price is no object: I am broke
And last but certainly not the least interesting- singles activities & dances. My experience has been that going to the singles dances was like being fresh flesh in a bad zombie movie… I could feel myself being closed in on by animated & rotting corpses– both painfully slow and surprisingly fast simultaneously. Run? Sure, but they find you! Occasionally, they hover ominously over you while perusing the refreshment tables– and if the older versions get real excited you might even end up with their false teeth falling in your punch glass. The sound of walkers & canes scratching as they move in…. And how much can you really learn about a person standing at a refreshments table shouting over music and the croaking groans of “brains…. brains….” coming from the other flesh eating zombies waiting their turn to have at you?
So there it is. To be honest, I really haven’t been putting myself out there all that much. I am pretty much happy more or less from the freedom that comes from living in my own house; eating what I want, going to bed when I want, keeping the A/C where I want, being in 100% control of my own money. It is a paradox- I am happy and I am complete- yet somehow not quite complete- or else I wouldn’t keep wandering over to my computer every so often to check my email and browse the current profiles. Sure I am happy. I take what joys I can from life. Yet there is someone missing. I keep sensing he is just around the corner. I keep casually looking now and then- wondering. Wary that any corner I turn may just reveal a flesh eating zombie. I think I will start carrying around old vinyl record albums to arm myself. (Shawn of the Dead!) If you are out there- find me cuz I’m only half looking through the boarded windows of the bar- waiting to fling Van Halen, The Cars or The Byrds at scratching & groaning approachers. I ain’t tossing the AC/DC though. That’s a classic.
First off, I think that’s ridiculous you were pulled into the bishop’s office over your blog post. Secondly, your feelings about the single activities match up to my single friends feelings. And third, I was going to post and ask if people here really believe there is a Strengthening the Members Committee and how does everyone feel about that if they do think it’s true? I really hope that committe doesn’t exist, because I really have some strong feelings about it if it does. And it’s terrible PR for the church.
I don’t know anything about it, but I have heard of it. Other than that, I have to say your blog post was hilarious.
That is hilarious! If that lands you in a bishops office lord help us all! I have also heard rumors of it but do not know any facts. Beyond creepy if true! Bishops should not feed the trolls of the ward. Busybodies who narc on each other behind their backs bear more resemblance to Judas than Jesus. I hope you laughed it off with this bishop. Unfortunately many BYU students behaved this way too, and the university certainly encouraged bein your neighbor’s keeper (meant sarcastically). We should reward charity and forthrightness, not idle gossip and slander. My understanding is that there used to be a Strengthening the Membership Committee, but I don’t think there is anymore. Maybe they relocated it to Area 51.
MormonHeretic, who posts here, did a Book Review on the Strengthening Members Committtee book he read. If you search the Book Reviews section of this site, you will find it and be able to judge if it’s objective enough for you. He gave a good review of the book, and it left him more concerned about the committee than not. I always wonder when the FP is going to come out with a statement condemning writing negative things about the church, or even honest feelings about the church that aren’t wholly positive. This would make sites like this truly on the side of apostasy.
The only thing really saving us, for the time being is
a) The sheer volume of it
b) the Quasi Anonyminity
c) public perception that we are a cult if there was an open, public hunt for “apostates” who post online.
I think your blog post had nothing objectionable in it. It was a bit cynical and darkly humorous, but not anything I personally would act on if I was a Bishop.
A number or years ago Gene England spoke out against the committee at a Sunstone Symposium thinking it was a rogue committee made of of zealous mid level church functionaries. The next day after he’d found out that the staff included two general authorities he publicly recanted his criticism. Earlier this year Elder Holland was interviewed by I think a French TV network and the subject came up again but he wasn’t very forthcoming about it. It’s still in existence and keeps files on people that are publicly critical or what appears to be critical of the church. I think one service it provides is when a bishop or SP has someone a little weird in their unit they can ask if there’s anything on file against them. My personal feeling is that if you don’t want to be on the radar, stay off and if you get noticed by the powers that be don’t think that a plea to “free speech” is going to hold much water.
SilentDawning wrote:It was a bit cynical and darkly humorous….
Lol, what other kind of humor is there?
GBSmith wrote:My personal feeling is that if you don’t want to be on the radar, stay off and if you get noticed by the powers that be don’t think that a plea to “free speech” is going to hold much water.
Your are right… but truth is in my case I don’t care all that much what random strangers think, which includes church authorities. I never did take my blog down. They can do whatever they please, because I don’t believe my salvation depends on them. However, it does tick me off that they would have these “secret spies” and busy bodies. They don’t have to try to catch me doing anything wrong. I am who I am in public, I will do it right out in the open, lol. But I also respect that other people may need to do their own thing in private too.This is not a time in the history that I feel the church should resort to such war tactics as spies. No one is out to tar and feather the Mormons anymore. There was a time when Mormons had to be defensive because the consequence was too often death. But this is not that. This is about control. Book burning and suppression in my opinion are not tactics Jesus would approve of.
I am seeing this rebel streak in my kids too. I said the same thing to my 12 year old daughter. Yesterday for school she was wearing a tank top with a cute little shoulder covering top so you couldn’t tell it was a tank top. After school it got hot and when she reached the front yard and her friend was chatting with her there, she took off the outer top. The friend freaked out and told her “that is against the Mormon religion.” My daughter was upset by this. She retorted ‘Well those Mormon rules are stupid!” Which was as not eloquently put, and sent the other girl running off, no doubt crying to her Mom about the mean rebel girl. First I reminded her that tank tops were not really mentioned in any way in the Gospel, and that it was just against Mormon culture, which has nothing to do with the Gospel. Then, I told her pretty much the same thing. “You are not going to change her opinion because she was raised that way. She will only change her opinion one day if she chooses to. In the meantime, we live in Mormon-opolis. You are going to catch flak if you choose to wear that outside. If you don’t want the flak then you should choose to cover up when you are out there. But as for me, I see nothing sexual about shoulders and I don’t care what other people are going to say. I wear my tank top outside. Just decide where you want to stand with this.” And I left it up to her. We do have our own standards of modesty that I expect my kids to uphold as long as they live in my house. They don’t wear spaghetti straps in public but can in the house. No cleavage, ever. And longer shorts, at least passing the tips of the fingers, but not to the knee, like Nazi-Mormons. Tank tops OK. (OK off the tangent now…)
Yes, I would say to all who don’t want to get wet to stay out of the rain. But for me, I don’t care. I may hope for sun but I will dance in the ran if it comes.
I don’t know anything about the committee, but I’m having a great time visualizing the next James Bond movie, where the Church hires Bond as a spy to snoop out the editors of MormonThink, who turn out to be guys with European accents carrying machine guns and have millions of dollars in stolen jewels. Sorry, I couldn’t resist the image
😆 I don’t know what that committee’s role is, but it seems reasonable that the Church would have to take some measures against dissension from the inside.GBSmith wrote:My personal feeling is that if you don’t want to be on the radar, stay off and if you get noticed by the powers that be don’t think that a plea to “free speech” is going to hold much water.
“Freedom of Speech” means that the government can’t make laws against free speech, but religious organizations can still restrict free speech, or at least punish people who violate the organization’s rules about free speech by removing them from the organization.
Fwiw, I use my real name on everything I write online and am not concerned about it, even though some of my comments and posts could be seen as negative by someone trying to see them negatively or naturally oriented to do so. I’m sure someone could piece together who we are if they really wanted to go through the effort. Some 2 to 3 thousand posts gives a lot of personal details. But I’m not going to make it easy for them! I see everyone applying the spying thing to online posting, which is one thing. But if they were doing this before the internet, how did they gather their information then? I am a little bothered if this spying for the church has been applied in unethical or even illegal ways. I would not think the church would condone anything illegal. However, we always have overzealous local people that can get carried away. However, even if they are listening to local gossip, is this really okay? It seems to violate something to me. I can’t really name it. But I am not too proud to say it does bother me. You might never know when you were being gossipped about and it was being taken as credible behind closed doors. I would hope those acting in the name of the Lord would have very high standards in these areas. Silent Dawning, I agree with you! To be honest, some days I wish the Strengthening the Members Committee would come knocking on my door. It would make life so much simpler.
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