Tithing Nullification

I don’t understand, wayfarer. It’s easy – VERY easy – to split payments if the amounts and names are designated on different tithing slips – or even if only one slip is used but the names and amounts are listed separately. Also, before my wife and I started paying tithing as individuals, we paid together – but we put Ray and __________ on the tithing slips and asked that it be entered that way. When we got the statement at the end of the year, it came in both of our names.

Was the tithing paid in both your name and your wife’s name but only one amount listed – the combined total, without amounts for each of you? Did you not specify to the local leaders that you wanted it to be credited to both you and your wife? If that’s the case, it was decision at the ward level to enter it all as having come from you and not your wife – not Church protocol.

Just to add to that, as I said in another thread, the Church now lists both spouses as “Head of Household” on the directory listing of families.

Trust me — we have been doing this for 33 years together. You haven’t experienced the same this year because we continued to but both our names on the tithing slip. The system changed this year, and since you have changed your way of paying, you didn’t experience what we did.

I’ll check with my Bishop, wayfarer, and get back to everyone.

He said he thinks both of our names would be on the statement if we pay jointly, but he will check tomorrow and get back to me.

wayfarer, you said:

The church formally stated with these simple pieces of paper that her contributions have no value.

Did they actually say that? I know my wife would be upset too. My wife is upset when joint credit cards comes with only my name on it.

wayfarer, you said:

The church formally stated with these simple pieces of paper that her contributions have no value.

Did they actually say that? I know my wife would be upset too. My wife is upset when joint credit cards comes with only my name on it.

When she writes out the slips, and when she puts both of our names on it, then she expects that the statement would be joint. When they change that, it becomes a nullification of her contribution. Here is a slip of paper saying she contributed nothing. That is a formal notification.

I’m almost certain that this is an admin error. I did tithing inputs on MLS for ages until end of last year.

Most likely the clerk has been selecting your name, not your wife’s from the drop-down menu on MLS in error all year.

Having said that, I did no tithing entry in 2012 due to a different calling.

When the contributor puts down both names, the clerk in the past, I would suspect, would put the name as written on the donation slip — no drop down. By forcing a drop-down, then the clerk has to choose one name: hers or mine. A ‘drop down’ is an ‘improvement’ to the system to make sure that the data is tied to an individual — and not a family. That’s not an administrative error — that is a system design flaw, or something by design, to track tithing to the individual.

My issue here isn’t how the church has suddenly made a new policy. Rather, the policy of nullification of women’s contributions is already firmly embedded into the priesthood model itself — and programmers in the COB, as well as ward clerks, are only operating in the cultural paradigm of the male dominance hierarchy. Such a little thing as to who gets credit for tithing is trivial, except to those who see it as a symbol of something much more profound — the cultural nullification of women’s contributions.

The women who objected to this in our ward — and there were several — are all very much TBMs, including a bishop’s wife, a long time CES stake coordinator, and former relief society presidents.

In my humble opinion, those of us who choose to remain actively involved — we need to demonstrate sensitivity to the aspects in the LDS cultural paradigm that harm people. We need to not minimize aspects of the culture that nullify women and others who don’t fit in, but rather, help those who are discouraged by the behavior of the church. This means appropriately noting behaviors that harm people, and making them known, respectfully, to the leadership. The church doesn’t want to harm active, contributing members — but it doesn’t recognize how it harms people unless we speak up.

This caught my eye, since I noticed a difference in our tithing statement this year. For all of our married years, I always put mine and my husband’s name on the tithing slip. Over time, I noticed it was always just in his name. I didn’t know if that was always so or I just had never noticed. This year, one check is listed in a separate slip in my name and the rest in his name. I have been puzzling over this actually. I wonder if the church is not trying to be responsive to those women who have complained about it all being put in their husbands names? I know there was a woman who put that out there on several blogs. Anyhow, I think we will see if it can be put jointly in our names or I will find a way to split it into each of our names, although I really don’t want to have to write two checks out. I know some people think it doesn’t matter. But I know, when I noticed it all in his name a few years ago, it bothered me. We are equal partners and yet that felt like a little slap in the face. I reminded myself it did not matter and the Lord knew I had paid my tithing on my earnings no matter how it was listed, so I was at peace with it. But I know other women who weren’t. It does seem like they are trying something different to be responsive? Maybe? I really think it should be how the couple wishes it to be designated. Stay at home wives are definitely contributing to their household and usually saving the family tons of money with all they do.

First mistake was going to tithing settlement.

So now that you know the issue, and that your wife also is listed in the Head of Household category, write separate amounts for each of you on the same or separate tithing slips and continue to pay with one check. If you do that, there is no way for the clerk to enter everything in your name. Problem solved.

I really don’t mean to make light of the pain your wife felt, but the “system” now actually recognizes her a a legitimate Head of Household (which is a HUGE move forward) and allows for an easy solution. There is no need for her to continue to feel that pain when there is such an easy solution. Use that solution.

Don’t make this more than it is, and use the better system that designates her as a legitimate Head of Household to emphasize her as paying as an individual Head of Household.

separate amounts does not recognize the joint nature of a marriage. in a marriage of equals, there is no “individual” head of household. i think you have missed the point entirely. the IRS gets it, but the church doesn’t.

equally disturbing is the idea that some of us need to invent the idea that such a change is inspired, or a huge move forward. the fact is that the church is a human organization making human mistakes. the reason my DW is so hurt by it is because she imbues it with more divinity than it actually possesses. the solution is not making that mistake.