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My sister lives in a different part of the country that I do, and one day she mentioned to me that she thought there was a lot of nepotism in the church. I didn’t think a lot about it at the time–but after a while, I began to realize that we have certain families in our area where the men seem to all have been bishops, stake presidents, temple presidents, members of bishoprics—almost like it is a family thing–maybe they were raised much more righteously than other families. Then, I got to thinking about my own ward. The bishop’s wife teaches primary–nothing strange there–but, the first counselor’s wife is in the primary presidency, the second counselor’s wife is the Relief society president, the executive secretary’s wife is in the relief society presidency. The primary president lost her husband unexpectedly a couple of months a go–but he was the young men’s president (or the scoutmaster?) at the time.
It almost seems like a lot of our ward’s leadership is tied up with a couple of families.
I also seem to notice that quite often the same general people just keep getting moved around from one presidency to another. In the 5 years I have been in the ward, the second counselors wife has been in the relief society presidency, the young women’s presidency and the primary presidency—her husband has been counselor to 2 bishops (one bishop was transferred after 9 months, one of the counselors’ was made bishop and he kept the other counselor as his first counselor) This woman is a real sweetheart and very kind, but she has a pretty young family. I thought they tried not to put the bishopric’s wives into big positions—especially since they often have families to take care of.
I can play the piano and lead music—so that is pretty much what I have done since I was about 17 years old (before the block program) with a few short stints here there of doing something else.
Just one more thing that makes me curious. We have so many leaders that are kind and understanding and make you feel good—even if you have just gone in and made a major confession of sin—but every so often, there is a leader that comes across harsh and you don’t feel a lot of warmth and understanding from them–they seem to stick so close to the letter of the law instead of the spirit of the law, you can leave their office feeling discouraged instead of uplifted–and they even offend some people—and yet, they continue to move them up in the ranks of the church leadership. I know I don’t have a view of the whole picture, and maybe they are in those positions because they need to learn something–but I sometimes wonder how many people might be turned away because when they need comfort and assurance, they get a perfect scripture reference and a lecture instead.
momto11 wrote:…Then, I got to thinking about my own ward. The bishop’s wife teaches primary–nothing strange there–but, the first counselor’s wife is in the primary presidency, the second counselor’s wife is the Relief society president, the executive secretary’s wife is in the relief society presidency. The primary president lost her husband unexpectedly a couple of months a go–but he was the young men’s president (or the scoutmaster?) at the time. It almost seems like a lot of our ward’s leadership is tied up with a couple of families.
My ward is the opposite. Not one member in any leadership position has a spouse in another presidency.Quote:
..We have so many leaders that are kind and understanding and make you feel good—even if you have just gone in and made a major confession of sin—but every so often, there is a leader that comes across harsh and you don’t feel a lot of warmth and understanding from them–they seem to stick so close to the letter of the law instead of the spirit of the law, you can leave their office feeling discouraged instead of uplifted–and they even offend some people—and yet, they continue to move them up in the ranks of the church leadership. I know I don’t have a view of the whole picture, and maybe they are in those positions because they need to learn something–but I sometimes wonder how many people might be turned away because when they need comfort and assurance, they get a perfect scripture reference and a lecture instead.I think it’s just that different leaders and types of leadership appeal to different people. Me? I’m like Spock. 90% logic, 10% emotion. I’d prefer a scripture over a hug with empathy (most of the time). My wife is all emotion. She’d prefer the hug. It goes back to the whole leaders aren’t perfect thing.
Yeah, it varies radically from ward to ward and leader to leader. I’ve seen wards where it was extremely “core families” focused, but in one of those wards it was because those families also dominated statistically – so it would be expected in that situation. I’ve also seen wards where there were a couple of active families that dominated statistically but weren’t equally represented in leadership positions.
Like a lot of things in the Church, it’s a roll of the dice in many ways.
Sometimes those are the only people willing to take the callings. Outofstep, I almost said that and just forgot as I was typing. 
momto11 – I’m sorry you’ve been stuck behind the piano for so long. If there seems to be one consistency I see it’s pianists. We find one and don’t let them go. Thank you, because I love our hymns and good pianist makes them sing their best (the tunes). I believe I belong to one of the families you speak of. I wouldn’t call it nepotism but for some reason the family I grew up, and our lives as we have become adults have been called to ward and stake leadership callings in perpetuity. We don’t even live near each other any more, and are in places where no one knows our history and yet the callings kept coming. Even my husband and I have both served on the ward leadership as Presidents, simultaneously.
To say that I know why it happens would be a lie. I don’t. In that tenure though I know many people who felt they were overlooked – and not just for themselves but for their spouses, too. In fact many people who felt left out really only wanted their spouse to get a leadership call, not them.
I think so much really goes into a calling that it is hard to pin down. Even when they are prayed over and sincerely searched out, we get vibes and ideas from a million places that start balls rolling – you can’t be certain where the genesis for a call began. I hope they let you out from behind the piano soon.
I’ve always been a J. Golden Kimball fan. From Wikipedia:
Quote:In 1892, while still serving as mission president, Kimball was called to be an LDS General Authority as a member of the First Council of Seventy. He modestly and humorously attributed his new position to his father’s influence:
“Some people say a person receives a position in this church through revelation, and others say they get it through inspiration, but I say they get it through relation. If I hadn’t been related to Heber C. Kimball I wouldn’t have been a damn thing in this church.”
🙂 🙂 I have heard people like that the STP (Same Ten. Twenty, Thrity People) because they are the ones that you can ususlly count on. Music people get stuck because the are so few and scout leaders remain in the program because few will accept a scouting job. Wards with big turnover usually don’t have that problem. mom3–i asked to be released from the piano–I have been having so much trouble with a medication that makes me shake–I once had to call a sub because the shakes were so bad. I also have atopic dermatitis—I missed piano lessons sometimes growing up when my hands would hurt so bad. Several months ago, while I was playing, one of my hands started going numb (neck was probably out) I was desperetley trying to get another gal’s attention–she finally looked, realized my dilemna, and jumped up and took over playing the song. Several weeks ago my right hand was rashed so bad that my fingers were stiff and swollen—I went in that morning and asked to be released—I didn’t even go into relief society, just sat in the foyer and cried. I’ve also, found, that when I have to be there early playing prelude—-I get no chance to quietly visit with people and get to know them—and I already have felt it so difficult to feel like I fit in in this ward—even though I grew up in the ward. And then there is the total frustration I feel when people are talking so loudly that it is almost hard to hear yourself play—makes me wonder why I’m even doing it.
When I would play, one member of the presidency would always take the time to come over and tell me hello and let me know she appreciated me—none of the rest of the presidency even acknowledged me unless I happened to walk right past them when I entered the room. I know those are some petty things to worry about, but when you are already struggling with depression, feel like you don’t fit in and like no one really cares–those kind of things really bother you.
I’m really hoping they won’t try and call me to something new right away—not that I don’t want to serve, but more that I feel like I need to get myself back together mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually—-i guess I’m kind of worn out and just feel like I need a break.
The week after i asked to be released, Primary called, they had no player, and asked if I could play—so I went to primary and played—my hand was better that week, but I still had to fight the shakes.
I’ve substituted in primary for a teacher, but being tied up for 2 hours was really hard on me physically—I need to be able to slip off top go to the bathroom and also to take pain medication—i can’t even sit all the way through sacrament meeting without having to get up and move around—my body has been so uncomfortable for years—it’s tough to feel uncomfortable in your own skin.
My favorite job has always been leading the music in primary. I substituted in thsi ward when we first moved in because the music leader was having a baby. I only did it for a couple of months—but one sister who had substituted at the piano while I was leading, told me she and another sister in the ward (who taught primary when I led) thought I was the best primary music leader they had ever had–it made me feel good—but obviously no one else feels that way becaue I have never even been asked to substitute for leading the music in over 4 years. I’ve been asked to substitute for the piano–so I had to get a sub for RS so I could play in primary—I kind of figure primary needs a player more than RS–plus, they have other people in RS who can play.
I’m sure I need an attitude adjustment–but I also need a break.
In small wards it can obviously be a result of there just not being that many families. In larger wards I think it can be self perpetuating. Leaders call people they know and have worked with in the past, so the group of leadership tends to shift around but not add new people.
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