- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
HI. I`m Rich and very new to this board. I began lurking about a week ago so thought it about time I threw in a quick introduction. I`ve been thinking deeply, trying to come up with a snappy articulate statement of where I am and how I came to be where I am but realised that would take me forever. I`ve read a number of introductions this past week and see commonality with almost all of them.
I had, to use the parlance of our time, a faith crisis around 16 years ago. Up to that point I`d had a clear understanding of what the church was. I was raised from very young as a church member, had always been active, served a good and enjoyable mission, married in the temple, never been without a calling, the usual really.
Anyways a number of events conspired to cause me to seriously question what I believed. It all very quickly fell apart. I had the common experience of loneliness, isolation, doubting the foundation of every aspect of my life. I never felt anger or bitterness or betrayal though. I`m not sure why I didn`t feel those particular feelings. In general I`m an easy going laid back sort of person so maybe those things were never in my personality. I can understand why some would feel that way though.
I`ve spent the last 16 years walking the line between atheism, agnosticism, trying to find my way back into the church and not thinking about any of this and getting on with life.
I`m now consciously reconstructing my faith from the ground up, choosing what I can and cannot trust to put into it. Its been a slow process but I believe I am now making progress. During this whole process I have attended church each week. I have never been without a calling (in fact as a member living in the UK I have often held 2 or 3 callings at a time). I have held a temple recommend for the vast majority of that time. Apart from my close associates and some of my family who I have spoken to no one would guess that I was anything other than a straight down the line Mormon (although a relatively liberal and uncorrelated Mormon).
2 things in particular bring me to this board.
The first is that last week my younger sister contacted me to tell me that she had recently undergone a crisis of faith and was struggling heavily with some of the same feeling I had experienced. She didn`t know I had gone through the same but suggested that, as I tend to think and question everything, I may be able to offer her some advice. I think she was slightly shocked to know that I too had lost my testimony in a similar way. I want to help her and offer her a constructive positive route through the darkness she is now in. She then told me of another person who she thought I might know was also going through the same process right now (he joined the Thoughtful Faith Facebook group she had signed up to). I didn`t know him too well but I know his family (his dad is one of my local leaders and is a good man that I respect a great deal). Turns out he too joined this board last week as Kristmace (hi Kristmace!). [
I removed Kristmace’s real name, since he has chosen to use a pseudonymn. Ray] The second is that, as part of my faith reconstruction, I want to really try and find myself a place within the gospel. I`m not fully sure at the moment how I`m going to do that but joining a board of like minded individuals seemed like a good start point. There is so much good in the church and I have no intention of leaving but I`m tired of living my life spritually on the edges. I want to be back in the thick of it but I know that can never be in the way it was before. I`m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel that there is a way that I piece this all together, regain a sense of peace and maintain my integrity.
So thats me.
I can`t promise to be a prolific contributor as most of my board interaction will take place via my phone. Not a good combination when you have big hands and a little keyboard
🙂 Hi, welcome to the board rich. One thing I’m learning from being on staylds, is there is a way of constructing a positive interaction with the church. A way of ‘making mormonism work for you.’
Plenty of statements from church leaders suggest that this approach of an ‘adapted’ faith and belief set is acceptable.
Welcome Rich! Each time I hear one of you that went though this 10+ years ago I am just amazed. Such strength to have persisted so long! Me? I’ve been in my transition for the last year and a half. Since finding stayLds I’ve made vast improvements to the stability of where I’m at. But to have had to go through this all alone? I really feel for those of you who did. Again welcome! Thanks for the welcome! yes does sound like a long time doesn’t it. We never know how long these processes are set to last.
Had a lot of opportunity to discuss during that time on the various boards as I moved my way around with my slowly evolving understanding. Spent much of my early days on the “2think” board followed by a stint on John Dehlins “cultural hall” site where I first got to know him. Semi identified with the NOM site for quite a while. Each one was the right place for me at that time.
I think I really took it too literally when someone told me to “take it slow”
😆 Agree with you Mackay11 that there is a way to positively engage, not just as someone on the fringe who takes part, but as an integral part of the community.
Welcome, rich. I’m glad you are here and look forward to your input. Welcome! Very good to see you here!
It’s great having these forums and advice and support from people who can empathise but even nicer when one of those on the board is your big brother.
I signed up a few months ago but haven’t managed an introduction yet (maybe tomorrow).
Littlelostsheep (who’s not feeling quite as lost today)
Man….its all sunshine and hugs in here right now! CWald…where are you? C’mon..I will buy you a beer! :problem: Welcome Rich…this is a good place….we argue a little…comfort a lot…and don’t forget to stretch your tongue out every once in a while. …because you can spend days in here with your tongue firmly pressed in cheek. We take our religion serious…but not too serious.
hi rich ‘eya’ from another brit! Nice to see a few more of us on here… kudo’s to you for keeping up appearances for 16 years that’s some going! if you know kristmaces family i am assuming you are up north somewhere, same here, though don’t take that as an obligation to share any more personal info, i know what a fine line it can be regards online identity and the church.
interested to hear your input, when you can, despite posting via phone! i do a daily commute into leeds and find good posting time on the train…. and for listening to podcasts (mormon stories and mormon expression are good!)
I had my crisis 10 years ago but was pretty open about it, I should have taken your route and said nowt! As I am now finding it harder to integrate due to the perception of being the ‘anti’ in the ward.
johnh wrote:Man….its all sunshine and hugs in here right now! CWald…where are you? C’mon..I will buy you a beer!
:problem: Sorry Johnh, did I raise the tone a little too much
I`m notorious within my extended family for dropping in the occassional inappropriate sarky one liners so will endeavor to continue that tradition. Thanks for the welcome.
yalright brit-exmo! , along with my little sister LittleLostSheep there’s nearly enough of us now to form an alliance and reclaim the colonies..
I missed you saying you were british. me too 
I seem to have seen a fair bit about rumblings from the brits online.
There was some open letter by 12 british members online somewhere. Do any of you know the signatories?
I have been wondering what the impact of the cultural evolution in Britain may be having on mormon attitudes.
To be in a situation where the vote on full gay marriage (including religious) this week in the house of commons makes me realise that even the Tories are more progressive than the Mormons. Given I tend to be a lib dem/labour voter, that hurts!
I have absolutely full support for the vote. This, amongst many other societal issues is one of the things that has played on my mind during the process.
mackay11 wrote:I missed you saying you were british. me too
There was some open letter by 12 british members online somewhere. Do any of you know the signatories?
I have been wondering what the impact of the cultural evolution in Britain may be having on mormon attitudes.
To be in a situation where the vote on full gay marriage (including religious) this week in the house of commons makes me realise that even the Tories are more progressive than the Mormons. Given I tend to be a lib dem/labour voter, that hurts!
I have absolutely full support for the vote. This, amongst many other societal issues is one of the things that has played on my mind during the process.
Brother!
I wasn`t aware of that letter but would be very interested in finding out more if anyone has a link
Its an interesting question on cultural movement. Most of my friends and work associates are to the left of many of those in my ward but given that I`m generally left of centre myself that is a slightly self selected group. What I do notice though is that the younger end of the ward appear much more liberal in their attitudes than that of the older generation when it comes to this issue. But that seems to be reflected in the general population when you look at the age split in the opinion polls on this subject. So it would appear mormon attitudes are migrating in line with the wider community. Of course we do have our contingent of Daily Mail readers in the ward who buck that trend
Personally, LDS theological issues aside for the moment, I`ve yet to hear a convincing argument against gay marriage. It raises its head every now and then in church lessons about how it would destroy marriage but my question is always how? It may alter the legal status of marriage in some way I`m not fully appreciating but in terms of the core of marriage itself, the covenant my wife and I have made to each other, how does it affect that?
brit-exmo wrote:hi rich
‘eya’ from another brit! Nice to see a few more of us on here… kudo’s to you for keeping up appearances for 16 years that’s some going! if you know kristmaces family i am assuming you are up north somewhere, same here, though don’t take that as an obligation to share any more personal info, i know what a fine line it can be regards online identity and the church.
interested to hear your input, when you can, despite posting via phone! i do a daily commute into leeds and find good posting time on the train…. and for listening to podcasts (mormon stories and mormon expression are good!)
I had my crisis 10 years ago but was pretty open about it, I should have taken your route and said nowt! As I am now finding it harder to integrate due to the perception of being the ‘anti’ in the ward.
yes its fair to say that I`m a stranger in a strange land mixing it with the tribes of the North
Amen to Mormon Stories (and lately a Thoughtful Faith..can Phil Barlow be my home teacher?)
Never quite sure to what extent I kept quiet to be honest. I didn`t come out publicly with concerns but thats mainly because I`m an internal sort of person. Those that mattered to me in my ward knew. The first church leader I told was my stake president (about 9 or 10 years ago) when he interviewed me for a stake calling. I was in a generous mood that day so when he asked me about my relationship to God it felt easy to say “I have no idea if he even exists”. Don`t think he was expecting that. Despite that he still offered me the call and I accepted. Turned out to be a good decision. I had little if any testimony but I got to serve some good people and felt I made a difference to them. My last bishop was a good man. He knew where I stood. He knew I was doing my best with what I was able to do and each time it came round to temple recommends our interviews would consist of him reinterpretting all my answers in a way that allowed him to sign it. I realise that my experience may not be common though.
I can imagine that being the prodigal son can hang over you in many wards. What brought you back? One of the greatest and most immediate results of losing faith was that I lost the `us` and `them` mentality. Almost straight away there was just an `us`. I hear thats pretty common though from people I`ve spoken to.
Rich, Great to see you around these boards. Hope you and your family are ok, I’ve not seen any of your for a good few years now. One of my fondest memories in my early years in the church was your wife teaching me in primary.
I assume that you’ve read my recent introduction, and being so early in my ‘crisis’ I would love any advice you have to offer on these forums. It’s incredibly reassuring to realise that people who you know in the church feel the same/similar.
mackay11 wrote:
There was some open letter by 12 british members online somewhere. Do any of you know the signatories?
I am in contact with most of the people who signed that letter, and they are all pretty much ‘out’ of the church, but they have a fondness and love for the place that they invested much of their life in.
Personally the tone of the letter doesn’t really float my boat, as I think its a bit too confrontational and has too much of a scatter gun approach, plus I think its far too loooooooong….. I have told them all what I think of the letter, and that’s fine. Though kudos to them for actually doing something.
I like DBMormons approach of offering to help the church leaders, who IMHO are woefully unequipped to deal with faith crisis. This approach builds a relationship of trust (Heartsell tm
yes its fair to say that I`m a stranger in a strange land mixing it with the tribes of the North
know that feeling, though a northerner by birth, I spent most of my formative years ‘darn sarf’ and have not managed to shake of the accent despite living up here again for 15 years
rich wrote:
I can imagine that being the prodigal son can hang over you in many wards. What brought you back? One of the greatest and most immediate results of losing faith was that I lost the `us` and `them` mentality. Almost straight away there was just an `us`. I hear thats pretty common though from people I`ve spoken to.
I never truly left, even through my angry at the church years I would still attend ward and stake socials, though sacrament meeting was a no-go for me. So I was always connected, my wife still went too, plus most of my extended family are members too, so I can’t really escape it.
What brought me back, was the realization that no matter what I might think the mormon church is ‘my tribe’ – I was brought up in it, loved youth and YSA, and still have a nice network of friends throughout the church. And even though there is a lot wrong with the church, what it has become especially at the local level is greater than it’s dodgy foundations. What brought me back, was the thinking ‘it’s not all bad’ and the thought that I could make the church work for me, rather than the other way round.
I think if my wife left the church too, I would go with her, I quite fancy trying a non-denominational church like the Quakers or the Universalist church. But then again if she chooses to stay then fair enough, I think I can make the LDS church work for me.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.