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I’ve been lurking and reading the board for some months now and have found some relief from the pain my loss of faith has introduced to my life here. I am fascinated by the similarity of the experiences and feelings that I have with lots of others posting on this and other boards.
I am a 30 something lifelong member of the church. I live in Cache Valley for those of you familiar with UT. I was a rebellious teenager and chose not to serve a mission much to the disappointment of my parents. I never have felt bad about that, now I’m actually very happy that I didn’t. I married young (20) to a fantastic woman and we have 5 great kids together. We have a great relationship and she knows all about my faith issues. I kept it from her for months, but she knows me so well that she knew something was amiss so it wasn’t a big surprise to her once I decided to share it with her. She is a TBM and is very concerned about, but supportive of me.
I took a ~8 year break from church soon after our marriage. During the whole time my wife took our kids to church alone and worked very hard to be active without much help from me. The last decade or so I’ve gone back to church and been very dedicated. We have been a model member/family by TBM standards. That all changed for me almost a year ago….
During the course of a church project I was asked to participate in I discovered an ancestral link to a polyandrous marriage, which lead me on to study further, which led me on to discover all kinds of things that I was shocked to discover. My faith in the LDS church is fundamentally changed and I don’t know where to go from here, I’m trying to figure it out without hurting my family.
I appreciate the things I’ve found on this board and hope to stay around for awhile.
Thanks for reading.
Welcome! You are among friends here. Welcome. I hope this is a good fit and that we can learn from each other. Thanks for the welcome, I hope to learn more from my journey here as an active participant rather than just an observer. I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help someone else who might be in a similar place, like others here have done for me. Welcome, Tumult. I’ve also come across some things that were shocking in church history as well. I look forward to hearing more from you. Welcome! :wave: Welcome! Only been here a few days myself but loving the feeling of acceptance and catharsis already.
The shared experiences of the many intros I’ve read on here reminds me of the lines from an old Billy Joel song,
‘ they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness, but its better than drinking alone’
One of the best songs ever written. Quote:They say, “Man, what are you doing here?”
Welcome to our growing family. You, like many of the rest of us here, lurked for awhile and learned that there are many others out there going through the same thing. It is comforting just know that you are not alone. I have found peace here and also strength to continue my search for MY truth. I have opened up to some close friends and I am finding many that have the same thoughts and feelings that I do, but for now they are shelving those issues because they don’t want to deal with at the present. We all know that feeling. Please feel free to share your thoughts. It is nice to hear that your DW is understanding. She must be a good lady. tumult, I’m very glad you have posted. I grew up in Cache Valley, but have traveled far and wide since I left for college. In spite of the air pollution, it’s still one of the most beautiful places in the world!
I am so very grateful I have found this community, too. Welcome!
Thanks to all for the welcoming notes. Cache Valley is beautiful, but cold and smoggy with inversion today.
I’m kind of lost I guess. I don’t quite know where to go next. The apologetics like FAIR are as hard for me to read as the vitriolic anti-commentary that is easy to find in many places.
Any suggestions on books to read or other materials that you have enjoyed or found helpful.
I’ve been studying intently for months and months, reading everything I could to try to make sense of this mess. At first I was in a dark place and angry when my faith crumbled. I still get upset when I hear stupid things or witness pharisiacal or hypocritical behaviors (there are many examples I could list) but I am mostly over the deep anger that once filled me up over this.
I can no longer accept the one true church bit. I’m fairly certain the LDS church doesn’t have the market cornered on salvation. I don’t think church will ever be the same for me again.
I have felt inspired that this evolution I’m experiencing is not a bad thing and that I’ll be a better person as a result of all this. This is one of the most unpleasant but also liberating journeys I’ve ever been on in my life.
My wife at first was very upset and is still highly concerned, but accepts me as I am and wants the best for me/her/our family. This has been hard on her too.
Thanks again for the welcome.
You have a great wife. Make sure she knows you love her and remain committed to her and your kids. Be honest and open with her about your sense of loss. Other than that I don’t know what to tell you since I don’t have any answers either. I wish it was clear to me. I don’t think the church is true, but I think it is good. It provides real benefits to me (mostly social and community for me) and for my kids. I’ve just got to work on my attitude while at church. I can still love and serve the people there, which helps my life have meaning. Quote:Any suggestions on books to read or other materials that you have enjoyed or found helpful.
Look in the section about books and media. There are some really good suggestions and reviews there.
Tumult wrote:I still get upset when I hear stupid things or witness pharisiacal or hypocritical behaviors (there are many examples I could list) but I am mostly over the deep anger that once filled me up over this.
Getting over any anger is Step One, IMO. I came to the conclusion that my faith, my relationship with God and how I see myself in the Church ultimately doesn’t have anything to do with what anyone else says in fast and testimony meeting or teaches in a HPG meeting. I may disagree with someone, and I may think that what they’ve said may be hurtful to others, but I don’t let what they’ve said affect what I think about God. Are there hypocrites and Pharisees in the Church? Of course. But there are also a huge number of accepting, charitable, seeking Christians in the Church. I just choose to focus my Church relationships with these types rather than the wanks who make me shake my head.
I’ve enjoyed Rough stone rolling and the god who weeps. Bushman and Givens are heroes of mine.
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