The boomerang effect

I am still figuring out the boomerang. I have good weeks and then weeks like this one. Sunday I came home from church frustrated and not wanting to return, then I went to the youth activity on Tuesday where in a discussion with the other leaders I realized that I am not like them. It is difficult to feel like I belong. It is hard to give up so much precious time to be with them (this month has me with the youth 3-4 days a week, most weeks).

I am just trying to remind myself that there are good rewarding weeks, sometimes just moments, that I can hold on to. One of those moments was on the way home from the youth activity on Tuesday. One of the young men who overheard the conversation between the other leaders and I said “I don’t agree with Brother xxxx, not everyone fits into the boxes that we try to make for them.” After that I had a good talk with him about roles, norms and expectations assigned to us based on our gender and church membership. Times like that help me realize that I need to be there sometimes.

Meanwhile in the backseat of my car, one of the young women was explaining to her friend about our beliefs in a way that only Saturday’s Warrior could be blamed for the pre-existence mythology being spewed. I wanted to intervene and burst that bubble so bad, but knew it would be damaging at that moment.

It can go away after time. I’m there now – and I hope I stay “there” for the rest of my life.

First of all, yes, it’s completely normal.

But I know that for me, the main factor is me… not the church… not the people at church… not the good and bad of the gospel….

When I indulge in the “I can’t take it anymore” attitude, I feel more cynical about religion, and I have a much harder time trying to stay with it.

When I indulge in the inner peace and charitable feelings toward others who I see as trying to do good, even if they have shortcomings, then I feel much better about being there.

So, for me, I have to self-monitor a bit… it’s something I don’t do well, but when I do, it’s helpful. I have to listen to talks and testimonies not with an agreeing or disagreeing ear, but rather as an observer, seeing people who are faithful and spiritual and admiring that about them.

:clap: :thumbup: This.

Ok I’m normal, have courage, take baby steps, monitor self, become a nuetral observer. Got it!

You forgot rinse and repeat!

But yeah, I’d add hope too. I was very boomerangy for a while…I’ve leveled off abit. I still am learning and would still say I’m in stage 4 (fowler’s stages of faith) but much more stable then even a month ago.

This is great advice that I can’t really improve on, but I’ll share a few things that I’ve learned about myself that have helped me manage the boomerang effect. I suffer from anxiety in contexts unrelated to church, too, and I’m slowly learning to manage it. My approach is tried and true. It’s basically summed up in something found in every 12 steps program: the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

The courage bit, for me, is managing anxiety triggers where I can. For example, I find certain church contexts very challenging, like adult classes. So I’ve asked for a calling that removes me from those contexts into something more positive (Primary). I also find ward parties challenging, stake conference, etc., so I just don’t attend. I make no excuses. I do as much as I can healthily do. But asking for special consideration or contradicting expectations takes courage.

But some things just require serenity. Since it’s important to me to be temple worthy, I attend Sacr Mtg even on Fast Sunday, which can be a real gut-clencher. I always remind myself that don’t have to be there; it’s my choice. But it gives me a chance to practice letting go of my anxiety. I ignore the speakers and practice my zen. That may not be the intended blessing for such meetings, but I’ll take it. It makes me a better person, which is exactly what church is supposed to do.

I suppose the wisdom bit figures in there somewhere, but honestly, armed with courage and serenity, I think it can be dispensed with. Thank goodness. Courage and serenity are acts of will, but wisdom comes only with time and experience. And I’d rather not just wait around for it to arrive.

I avoid certain things…like extra meetings. I don’t do firesides or saturday church meetings….

I also don’t take callings that I think have stupid requirements….ward council is one of those meetings….so no calling requiring me to go to WC. i also only take callings that are beard friendly :thumbup:

I also try to have charity in my heart while at church. Be patient with those I find unenlightened and I try to make contact with speakers who give talks or lessons that ring true to me.

When i don’t skip gospel doctrine (mostly I do) and during priesthood lessons I try to throw out a few “out of the box” concepts into the various canned responses…nothing too controversial..just new ideas.

Best calling ever? Ward membership clerk. No extra meetings, you get to go for a walk in the middle of sacrament meeting, and you can skip Sunday school while you “input the data”. Only calling i ever lobby for. :shh:

I’m taking everyone’s advice despite feeling the ‘I can’t’ I am preparing for tomorrow.

Courage, patience, serenity, humility, listening to speakers to take note of what I could take on board to make me a better person, ignore unhelpful stuff and keep a look out for people who could do with an extra smile, a chat, help with a child etc.

I’m almost looking forward to tomorrow