El Cid update

Thought I’d post an update on where I am right now.

I spoke with my son about my feelings. He is now post mission and when the day comes that he decides to get married, if it is to be in the temple, there is a strong chance I will not be able to go. I was not sure how it was going to go and I hesitated to even talk to him but he was very supportive and said that I had always taught them to follow your principals. (thanks “on own now” for your words).

I do not attend church anymore and I have stopped paying tithing. I’m not interested in the church, for that matter I’m not interested in any church. I have gone from being active and reading everything I could find in order to defend the church, to denial, anger and now to where I am today. I really am not interested in any religion at the moment.

Some good that I have found is that I look at people now for just who they are. There are no labels, he is LDS, she is Catholic or whatever other label. I just now see the person. I have to admit that my Sunday’s are much more peaceful now too. I don’t have to stew about what was said or about feeling guilty about this or that. As an example, I spoke recently to an acquaintance in the church and she was complaining how they had been asked to attend the temple in their stake once every week and how it was quite a hardship due to her calling and work schedule. In my mind I thought, they have to “ask” people to attend the temple? Why not just go because that is what you “want” to do? Anyway, that kind of conflict is out of my life.

The best thing is how supportive my wife has been. She attends church and has a calling that she enjoys but she has been amazing. I have to admit that my local leaders have given me space too. I’m not someone’s “project” for re-activation. Maybe they know that right now I would not be very receptive anyway.

Who knows what the future will bring I guess. It is funny, I was thinking the other day about my kids that are all grown. I always call them from time to time to chat about their jobs & lives. Sometimes they call or I initiate the call. I was thinking about HF and thinking how I was always taught that God is waiting for you to reach out to him. He won’t talk to you unless you make the effort. In the past I worked so hard to pray and reach out to him…he is my father right? Why doesn’t he give me a call? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. God knows where I am I suppose and he can call me anytime. I’ll be more than happy to catch up …