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Hi everyone! As you all knows I’m new here with my faith crisis.
I have been seeing a thearpist regularly as a maintainence treatment to my illness. One thing my therapist told me that somewhat hit me at home. She recommended me to remove anything that causes my nightmares, anything that reminds you of it. I told her I have. Yet, I felt like my progress is stuck. It hit me this morning like a light bulb going off. I’m wearing the remainder of it everyday.. My garments. I’ll explain myself a bit more.
Typically, when people get endowed, it is during one of their best time of their life ( not the endowment itself, but the reason for it). People get endowed prior to their wedding day, going on a mission. It plays a significant part in your memory of the days that brings you to your wedding day ( sealing in the temple) and going on a mission.
For me, it reminds me of the worst nightmare of my life. The hard part is, when I meet new people, they tend to ask me if I served a mission. I keep it simple with my ” no” answer. It typically led people to the next question” oh, we’re you married before?” I’m not a liar and I hate to lie so I tend to answer ” yes”. An instant judgement tend to occur on the spot before people get to know me better. I don’t like to spill my story upfront. I’m immediately labelled as ” divorced” with a neon light over my head. People judge me before they get to know me.
I do not have a problem with people knowing, but when they find out first time they meet me because of them noticing my garments ( yes, I do dress modestly but you cannot hide the garment lines, especially among the people who know what to look for. ) it makes me remember things that are best left buried in the past every single time I meet new people.
When I talk to close friends, I do share the lessons I learned from that experience, I’m not afraid to share my experience to help others avoid my mistake, and all that. But for new people, why do I have to be reminded of it by wearing the very thing that people can tell if I went through the temple for either or one of the reasons: marriage or/ and serving a mission. When one reason is eliminated, it only leaves the other reason.
So for now, I’ve decided that it is in my best interest to stop wearing the very thing that reminds me of my nightmare until something positive can replace it before I can start wearing it again if that happens. I’m open to whatever I decide in the future. It is not to set in the stone. I need to stop being reminded of it every time I see/ look, putting and taking my garments off plus meeting new people, asking me these questions.
I just moved across the country a few months ago so I do have the benefits of people not knowing if I was end owned before except for the few. I’m hoping among these few, they would either think it was probably a thermal underclothing or misremembered, but I’m sure there are some among these few that will notice. I also may be going home to stay for the summer to Utah ( of course, that’s where I, from
For those of you who remain ” active ” ( especially females), how do you deal with this?
At this point, I still love the gospel even if it is from a corrupted church. I’m still sorting things out with my faith crisis.
I hope I’m explaining my thoughts in a way that it makes sense. I have nobody to share this with without being judged in the real life. I might talk to my mom about this but I don’t know because she has a hard feeling towards the church because of how they treated her when I was a baby. I worry I would fuel to that hard feeling she already has. I don’t know.
Thanks guys for listening!
I would never judge someone for not wearing garments. I might judge someone for wearing them. So you see it depends on your point of view. At this point in my life I am proudly garment free and have no concern that anyone else may judge me. It took awhile but it is liberating I wonder what the endowment would mean to me if it hadn’t been packaged with my marriage. Relatively few people go through without a mission, first-time marriage, or sealing to existing spouse/children in the offing. Since your divorce, what kind of experiences have you had in the temple? Garments, as I understand it, are reminders of covenants, but the wearing of them is not a covenant responsibility. Maybe I’m wrong. I won’t go into my negativity about them, because I recognize that they are good aspects of wearing them and that my experience isn’t everyone’s. When wearing garments makes me feel angry, ugly or uncomfortable, I don’t wear them. After I concluded that this was my choice, I actually wear them the great majority of the time.
Regarding your situation, though, please be assured that a lot of people have had disastrous first, even temple, marriages. I don’t think it’s healthy to try to hide this. A lot of people will admire how you’ve handled your struggles, and it’s a good reminder to everyone that life doesn’t just lay itself out there smoothly all the time.
Janes now wrote:I have been seeing a thearpist regularly as a maintainence treatment to my illness. One thing my therapist told me that somewhat hit me at home. She recommended me to remove anything that causes my nightmares, anything that reminds you of it. I told her I have. Yet, I felt like my progress is stuck. It hit me this morning like a light bulb going off. I’m wearing the remainder of it everyday.. My garments.
Janes,
Please refer to tho following thread:
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3217 There were some really great thoughts expressed here about possible variations and “individual adaptation.” I hope that modifying or discontinuing the use of garments can help your situation.
Janes now wrote:I’m sure there are some among these few that will notice. I also may be going home to stay for the summer to Utah ( of course, that’s where I, from ) . My parents left the church when I was a child so it isn’t a problem there. However, my active lds grandma likes to talk.. A LOT….
Unfortunately – for those that do know your story and notice that you are not wearing garments they might make some unkind assumptions about apostasy. That is not fair, but it is a possibility. I suggest that you do the right thing for your own health and then try to explain to those that notice. Not all will understand, but I know that God does! As the “other party” in the covenant relationship – I think that His loving understanding should carry more weight than the opinion of all the busybodies anyway.
Roy linked to the thread I was going to reference. I highly suggest reading it. I believe personal physical and emotional health trump any specific interpretation of a group standard, especially in the short term as you come to grips with the overall issue.
I agree with Ray, and I suspect God would agree too. As for your fellow Mormons, well, they don’t get a vote. I had a huge struggle with garments being a trigger to my eating disorder. I don’t wear them and I’ve explained myself to my close friends. for everyone else I just try and wear clothes where you can’t tell if I’m wearing them it not. At first this gave me major anxiety, but honestly the more time goes by the better I feel about mu decision. Where I live there are a lot of single girls who didn’t serve missions or get married but have been through the temple. I guess it probably depends on the age group you are around too-I also have a lot of divorced friends. Hang in there! All I can say is be true to what is right for you. Just don’t wear them. I know it’s strange concept…but it
gets better.
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You guys are awesome! I have been garment free for a week ish since my birthday. It has been weird, after wearing it for quite a while. I had to find which underwear doesn’t give you the wedge, it’s like underwear shopping all over again
:lolno: It will take time as I heal. I also noticed myself feeling like fixing myself more than usual to feel attractive. Interesting.Ironically, I went to church last Sunday for the first time since my faith crisis, stopped paying tithing and not wearing a garment. Guess what? I got a calling to teach Sunday School.. And the topic of the year is D&C
😯 :wtf: Glad to hear that you’re feeling more positive. Sunday School teacher…. could be a dream calling, could be a nightmare. Pray hard to find the middle ground.
I read this thread and the one linked without concluding what is best for myself other than doing what I am told. I am certianly glad to not be the only one having issue with this. I’m in my 50’s and just received my first temple recommend and am dreading the day soon when I HAVE to start wearing garments all day, all night every day, every night, except within reason during certain sports events or something like that. I was told to expect that instruction as part of one of the covenants. Part of me says phooey, part of me says it will be a constant reminder, but day and night? Do I have to do this to express my commitment? I am way more active than most in my age group and it’s going to be hard to not wear a tank top while out fishing or taking my shirt off on a hike. I also ride mountain bikes, motocross and surf. I don’t plan to wear garments on the way to, during or after many of those activities so what do I say during my next interview? I also am not going to sleep in them every night. That just does not make sense to me especially when camping. My wife has always worn hers and it eats me up at night. It’s like protection from me unless I want to make an appointment for intimacy. Get up, take them off, jump back in… 😳 😳 😳 …get up put them on go to sleep. Totally ruins the spontaneous moments for me. Too much info, sorry.Quote:so what do I say during my next interview?
Say, “Yes” – and leave it at that.
If you want a justification for yourself, so you can get an internal chuckle out of it, realize that the Jewish night starts long before most of us go to bed – so you can say you wear it “day and night” as long as you wear it at some point during the day and at some point after sundown. Technically correct, honest answer; no elaboration necessary.
It’s between you and God, so if you’re cool with your answer, that’s all that’s required by the actual question.
Old-Timer wrote:Say, “Yes” – and leave it at that.
+1 Ray. I wear mine all the time – I don’t even own any other underwear, but that is just me. DW (TBM) doesn’t wear them during menstration, doctors appointments, or days when she will be going to the gym.
The key term is “individual adaptation.”
Regardless of religion, I believe it is no ones business what type of underwear you wear or if you are divorced! Most non Mormons would find this line of questioning bizarre. When strangers at church ask me personal questions, I just tell them that it’s a personal matter.
I’m sorry about you are feeling blue! Depression stinks. Kudos for you getting help and doing the work necessary to help yourself.
Kipper wrote:I am way more active than most in my age group and it’s going to be hard to not wear a tank top while out fishing or taking my shirt off on a hike. I also ride mountain bikes, motocross and surf. I don’t plan to wear garments on the way to, during or after many of those activities so what do I say during my next interview? I also am not going to sleep in them every night. That just does not make sense to me especially when camping.
Like had been said by others, outs nobodies business what underwear you wear. I also mountain bike and never wear garments when I ride, and I have taken my shirt off on many hot hikes too. Even in my more believing days I wouldn’t get uptight about it.
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