Kindness of a stake president

Over the last several months the talks I have given as a HC have been very difficult to prepare and give because of my faith crisis. I am finding a way to deliver the message assigned but definitely with a spin as compared to your typical HC talk. I have gotten back a lot of positive feedback from the different wards. In my PPIs with a councilor in the stake presidency I have opened up a little, but haven’t gone in to too much detail. My last PPI I was asked what my issues were and I just told him if he really wanted to know some of them I would provide him with a website that explained some issues.(John Dehlin’s 5 myths and truths about why people leave the church) We had discussed some very general issues and I was told that the stake presidency was good with me sharing some of this in the training I was doing with the sunday school classes in our stake. Anyway, to keep this fairly brief, the councilor talked to the SP and he call me in for a visit. I really like our SP so I wasn’t too nervous about the appointment.

He told me he was concerned about me, not the things I was saying in my talks or training. He asked what my issues were and again I didn’t want to go in to all that but I mentioned about the band on the priesthood and we talked about some of that. He just listened. We talked a little about the BoA, and he didn’t say much, but again just listened. I told him about some of my doubts, some of the hard things I had to deal with when I went through a divorce, going to Iraq, the suicide of my daughter and again without going in to many details about any of this, I explained the hurt and heartache of a faith crisis. He told me he wasn’t too concerned about what I didn’t believe but wanted to know what I did believe. I explained that I believe and hope in the concept of a Christ and an atonement but that I don’t know if it’s all true. He asked why I don’t asked to be released and I said that I feel like I have a message to share with those that are suffering or feeling like they are alone. He then called me a man of God and said that they want me to continue to reaching out because our stake needs that. Of course I’m only giving the high lights of our conversation. He then told me to be true to myself and if I ever felt like I was compromising my integrity because of this calling and if the stress was too much that they would release me.

That was the end of our conversation. He didn’t preach, try to argue, tell me I was weak. He listened, showed a lot of love and concern and support. I walked away from the meeting with a lot of hope. Maybe I can make all this work.