Good to be with you!

I am new to this group and after a few weeks of perusing the topics and responses I have decided to jump in and introduce myself. I was born and raised in the church in Utah and have very deep pioneer roots. I graduated from seminary in high school, won the Defense of the Faith oratory contest my senior year but was known by my peers and the Questioner. My father always taught us to ask question and that we could not ask intelligent question if we did not study the issue. He also taught us that the church was not perfect because the leaders were not perfect. My first encounter with Mormon issues was the Blacks and the Priesthood. My father had several friends who were excommunicated for that issue and I was privileged to set in on many of their discussions. My Father told me to do my research before I took a side and that I did. I soon came to two conclusions. First, the policy was a policy not a revelation. It was obvious to me that it was historical and political. The second conclusion was that regardless of the fact that I did not agree with the churches stand or it explanation I was not going to be able to change it.

Since then I have had a life full of issues and contradiction that I have had to work through. I served a mission in Southern Brazil and had many spiritual experiences that keep me active for many years. I have degree in Archeology from BYU and have been involved in excavation and research in the Four Corners area, the Peten of Guatemala and Adam ondi oman. Some of the issues I have looked into include Joseph Smith and Magic, Polygamy, the United Order, the Book of Mormon, the manifestation of Christian Service in the church and Correlation.

However the reason for my 20 hiatus from the church was not due to these issues but more to the lack of spirit I felt when I attended meeting. The music was drab and spiritless, the lessons were trite and the talks many times superficial. Then one summer when I picked up my daughter form girls camp and I asked her how the week was she said, “Dad these people are severely strange!” That was it we stopped going to church but we continued to sing hymns together at night and say our prayers together.

My divorce put me into a tail spin and I started looking to other places for spirituality. These included Buddhism, New age communities, the works of Alice Baily, Eileen Caddy and David Spangerler. I also participated in Native America sweet lodges and the Sun Dance, Unity church and men’s groups. What I found was all these movements and groups had things that I could hold onto, they all had good honest people who were trying to find meaning in their lives and they all had problems.

Many years ago Dr. Sterling McMurrin mad the comment, “I have never been disillusioned by the Mormon church because I was never illusioned by it in the first place.” Many people at the time took it to mean that he never lost his testimony because he ever had one anyway. For me however this comment gave me new freedom. I realized what my father had taught me was so true. The church is not perfect the people in it are not perfect and we are all hopefully evolving to a high spiritual level becoming better human beings. D&C 129: 39 39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. This occurs in every organization form churches to schools to politics. If you really read history be it the history fo the church or world history with an open mind and an understanding the people have changed over the years and we have never really got it right yet it is evident that many of the issues we tend to gravitate to and make important can be seen as steps in our spiritual evolution things are ever black and white they are always in shades of grey.

Recently I have been reading a lot of pioneer histories and mostly of my own relatives. I also found the trilogy by Darius Gray and Margaret Young about African Americas and the church. Reading these stories of faith I have realized that there has to be something in the gospel that would make these good people go through so much and yet stay faithful to their Gospel beliefs. Who am I to say they were illusioned by Joseph Smith. Ultimately we are all trying to find meaning in this life and who am I to tell someone that the path they are on is the wrong one. I have recently stated attending church again, the music is still spiritless but I have found the talks to be more scripture oriented with more Gospel and less culture and I have enjoyed working in genealogy. Ultimately ones activity has a lot to do with the feeling of community they feel in there ward. Unfortunately abuses still take place and there are still some leaders and member that push the culture that is bases on inaccurate ideas and myths. It is my hope that we can all find the community of Christ where ever it might be and continue in our spiritual evolution. Yours in Christ!