- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I feel like the kid who had is marriage arranged for him. Ready or not. Wife wants to be sealed, son going on a mission, Bishop(s) annually calling me in to tell me why I need to go and why I should not put it off (see first two compelling reasons) always with personnel experiences tearfully thrown in. I finally “gave in”. Everybody is soooo happy. Family all want to come down and participate. I feel like I finally said ok, I’ll marry her. Too many people will be hurt if I don’t. Son going on a mission tipped me over. Not that I never want to go. There are just too many reasons that hold me back, until now. I expect to hear how wrong I am but the freight train is rolling. I’m hoping it becomes what it should be. Why would anyone here tell you that you are doing the wrong thing? Seriously, you are doing what you feel is best for you and your family, as a show of support for people you love. I can’t find any fault whatsoever in that, especially given how I view the temple and the recommend interview.
Thanks Ray. I was braced for a different response but I don’t know the community here real well. You are right, I am doing this for my family, primarily for my son. I suspect that if my thoughts were known within my own ward I would get a different reaction. I really see the whole activity as symbolic and while I have respect and reverence I do not get real wrapped up in all that. I went to Deseret and acquired all the ceremonial clothing but didn’t come home feeling all ambitious. There are a couple things I am going to be held to that really bother me but I don’t know where the proper place is to bring it up. I have a little know secret which is I have been putting this off for years because I know the next pressure will be to be sealed and that would be really covering my true feelings. I have been very unhappy with my marriage for too long. Being sealed would require I go thru the ceremony with glazed eyes. I also harbor some indifference toward the Church because of the time commitment they require to be a member and what I have sacrificed to meet those standards. I mentioned it in a different post awhile back but in a way only to vent. I am now so disappointed that I let my dreams and goals get derailed and I can’t let it go. I will need to suppress these emotions while going thru the temple. Or maybe it will take care of itself. Noooooo – don’t do it!!!!! j/k 😈 j/kI remember that in my own wedding reception we had to invite a bunch of people that I didn’t know but were friends of the in-laws. We also had to do the wedding line even though I didn’t want to. I reasoned that the marriage of their daughter was an important event for them – so we had to “share the day” as it were. It is ok (and even good) to compromise with the important people in your life.
I also remember a family in my mission that reminded me of my own family but younger (5 kids, 4 older girls and a boy at the end). I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t want to get sealed to stay together forever. I know that my love for them and my desire for them to receive the blessings was genuine. I imagine that your bishop is also genuine – sounds like a good guy.
Good luck!
Quote:I have been very unhappy with my marriage for too long. Being sealed would require I go thru the ceremony with glazed eyes.
That is an entirely different can of worms. It sounds trite to say this, but it also is a different issue than merely going through the temple, although it obviously is entwined in interesting and uniquely Mormon ways.
God bless you in working that out. It’s difficult, and an area where I can’t offer much advice, given how personal it is. All I can do is repeat, “God bless you.”
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:I have been very unhappy with my marriage for too long. Being sealed would require I go thru the ceremony with glazed eyes.
That is an entirely different can of worms. It sounds trite to say this, but it also is a different issue than merely going through the temple, although it obviously is entwined in interesting and uniquely Mormon ways.
God bless you in working that out. It’s difficult, and an area where I can’t offer much advice, given how personal it is. All I can do is repeat, “God bless you.”
Not trite at all. The honesty I get here is is confirming. This validates my delima as being uniquely Mormon and narrows where I can go for council. Even though I have received some advice, I alone have to make some decisions. Going thru the temple is going to force me to move forward in one way or the other. Two people who are endowed and not sealed cannot go too long without answering to authority. Heh, it’s almost like living together. Honestly I should know better.
Quote:Two people who are endowed and not sealed cannot go too long without answering to authority.
It’s possible to skip the answering to authority, in the strictest sense, by just ignoring it or saying something honest yet deflecting like, “We’re working on it.”
It’s much harder to avoid answering to each other – and it’s much more crippling, as well. You already know that, obviously.
Again, all I have is a sincere request that God bless you in whatever choice you end up making.
You are correct, and thank you. If you believe that being sealed means for eternity, just remember that eternity is for a long time. I personally would not do it unless I really wanted to and was 100% comfortable doing so, maybe 90% even. Is your wife 100% for it or some thing far less than this? All I can say is good luck and repeat what Ray said and don’t feel like you have to answer to anyone at church. Sometimes one needs to throw off the shackles of authoritarian religion, and do what is best for yourself. Sometimes one needs to just grit and do what is best for their loved ones. I can’t tell you what to do.
Good luck.
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
Life is always a balance between our personal goals and dreams and what we build between ourselves and other people. I don’t know what to tell you on the marriage front. Every marriage is different. Is this more one-sided? You see it as a problem, but she doesn’t? It sounds like some communication about what you both want is in other. Good luck – congratulations on your son at least!
Being the non believer that I am I think it is OK to go to the temple and do whatever you need to for your family. If the church wants to hold you hostage in this way I do not see a problem in playing along and just do what is best for you personally I’m glad you found StayLDS. It’s a great place to vent, and discuss issues in a supportive, non-judgmental way. Welcome. I may share some of the challenges you may face with organized religion. Although I have always had the full support of my wife re my challenges with organized religion, so hopefully I may have some experiences that will help.
I was AWOL from the church 17 years dealing with my faith crisis, before feeling I just needed to find a bishop to discuss some lingering complaints. I had 3 one hour discussions where I shared my negative feelings and thoughts about my church experience. Then, unrelated to this, I got engaged to a woman who was a temple worker! She told me she would marry me anywhere I wanted, but asked if I would ask the bishop what I would need to do to get a recommend for a temple wedding. I couldn’t say no to her.
The bishop spent some time discussing with me my attitudes around the temple questions. My responses were mostly agnostic, I could generally be positive, but had no TBM canned answers. Mind you, I had not attended church, paid tithing or wore G’s. He asked if I would be willing to do those things, and I said I’d try. Now he knew I would be moving out of state and there is no way he could follow up on me, so it was all up to me and how I was willing to retry.
Then he said he would read me the questions and asked me to answer with only a YES, NO or EARNESTLY TRYING. He signed it, asked me to sign it, and then counceled me to restrict my answers to those three things when talking to the stake president. The president was an attorney and suggested I didn’t want to get into any discussions with him. So I gladly complied.
Since then, 20 years later I have maintained moderate attendance, paid tithing, and wore G’s (day and night, but not necessarily all day every day nor every night). I make a distinction between the Church and the Gospel, which helps me tremendously. I the added advantage of the full support of my wife
Old-Timer wrote:Quote:Two people who are endowed and not sealed cannot go too long without answering to authority.
It’s possible to skip the answering to authority, in the strictest sense, by just ignoring it or saying something honest yet deflecting like, “We’re working on it.”
It’s much harder to avoid answering to each other – and it’s much more crippling, as well. You already know that, obviously.
Again, all I have is a sincere request that God bless you in whatever choice you end up making.
Honestly, I don’t think you even have to say you are “working on it” in regards to getting sealed. I don’t see why your marriage is anyone elses business. If someone asked me why I was endowed but not sealed, I would tell them that it is none of their business and they should worry about themselves.
It is totally your call and I wish you the best of luck, but why participate in a ceremony you don’t believe in? It sounds like you want to participate in this ordinance in order to be close to your son. If you have to participate in a ordinance you don’t believe in order to stay close to your son, I think that makes the church look really bad.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.