- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Throughout my little faith transition I’m finding that I have good days and bad days. On good days, I can see the church as a place that provides lots of personal and spiritual edification to a lot of people. On my bad days though, I just struggle with all of the feelings disappointment and anxiety that seem to be accompanying me in this journey I’m having. I had a hard time teaching my gospel doctrine class on Sunday. It was on the Kirtland Temple. I taught about the varying historical accounts of what happened during the dedication. Some saw angels, some heard others speaking in tongues, some heard a mighty rushing wind, and some claim nothing happened at all while there are other accounts of cleaning up vomit from one man who took a bit too freely from the wine that was served. It seems that no two accounts of what happened that day are exactly the same. I tried to use this as an example of how the temple is an individual experience.
I’m currently trying to re-frame my own thinking surrounding the temple. I’ve always been bothered by it, from the first day I got my endowment. I wasn’t very happy with my temple marriage sealing either, with all the giving of myself, but my husband not giving himself to me. Now I am trying to see it as a place of peace and a place for personal inspiration and reflection. Apparently no one in my ward sees it quite that way. When I mentioned that some days I wish I could just go sit in the temple and ponder and enjoy the quiet and peace without being pressured to do ordinances, I was met with responses as to how selfish that would be and that we need to do the work for the dead, etc. Of course, my class is made up primarily of those in the 60+ age category who are or have been temple workers and are very dedicated to doing family work.
Anyway, I’m just having one of my bad days where I’m tired of the mental and emotional gymnastics I feel like I’m having to put myself through to keep myself an ‘active’ member. Does it get easier?
Quote:Throughout my little faith transition I’m finding that I have good days and bad days.
Yup, transitions are like that. Hang in there.
Quote:Of course, my class is made up primarily of those in the 60+ age category who are or have been temple workers and are very dedicated to doing family work.
That makes a huge difference.
Quote:Does it get easier?
Yes, if you continue to refine and define your own faith and don’t get hung up on what others build.
MayB wrote:Does it get easier?
I’m not sure the reason, you could either say gymnastics get easier the more you practice – or you could say “I just drop all the contorting and walk my own path within the church and learn not to step on toes.” Either way yes it does get easier.
MayB wrote:Throughout my little faith transition I’m finding that I have good days and bad days.
I remember in a mourning support group (Compassionate Friends), I was trying to summarize what it meant to be successful at mourning – IOW make healthy healing choices, capitalize on good days, avoid things that trigger bad days. The Compassionate Friends reminded me that mourning is something to be lived, not overcome. Sometimes bad days are just as necessary (if not more so) for complete wholeness than good days.
MayB wrote:I wasn’t very happy with my temple marriage sealing either, with all the giving of myself, but my husband not giving himself to me.
My wife and I sometimes say, “I receive you.” I love the metaphor of what it might mean to actively receive another human being. This pet phrase of ours is based on the sealing ceremony. I know we modified it for our purposes. Frankly I look at the act of receiving as the ultimate gift. It means more to say, “I receive you, warts and all.” than to say, “I give myself to you, warts and all.”
More in line with your post, if either the giving or the receiving is one-sided the meaning is lost. Clearly the ideal marriage (celestial?
MayB wrote:Now I am trying to see it as a place of peace and a place for personal inspiration and reflection. Apparently no one in my ward sees it quite that way. When I mentioned that some days I wish I could just go sit in the temple and ponder and enjoy the quiet and peace without being pressured to do ordinances, I was met with responses as to how selfish that would be and that we need to do the work for the dead, etc. Of course, my class is made up primarily of those in the 60+ age category who are or have been temple workers and are very dedicated to doing family work.
Anyway, I’m just having one of my bad days where I’m tired of the mental and emotional gymnastics I feel like I’m having to put myself through to keep myself an ‘active’ member. Does it get easier?
I think it would be really nice to have a part of the temple members could go without doing temple work first to read scriptures, pray, light a candle, write out names for the alter, and just sit and ponder. I love being in the celestial room, but after a session, I am often tired or have a headache and usually need to pee
😆 . I really like that idea and I think there would be a lot of members who would like it too, even some of that 60 plus crowd.My faith transition is getting easier with fewer bad days. For me, it didn’t get better until after I stopped trying to reconcile all the issues and I had to stop trying to get back to where I once was. My path is my own and once that stopped being so scary, it started to be fun even. Best wishes with your journey.
I think it is great that you are teaching Gospel Doctrine and I say stick with it if you can, but I have found my transition to be a lot less stressful after I asked to be released from teaching RS.
Members are not required to go through an endowment session in order to go to the Celestial room. MayB wrote:.
I’m currently trying to re-frame my own thinking surrounding the temple. I’ve always been bothered by it, from the first day I got my endowment. I wasn’t very happy with my temple marriage sealing either, with all the giving of myself, but my husband not giving himself to me. Now I am trying to see it as a place of peace and a place for personal inspiration and reflection.
When you asked if it gets easier, I’d say I’ve become more accustomed to my new thoughts and feelings. What use to feel raw and unbearable is the condition I’ve been in for months, and life has gone on! Thank heaven for the mundane, which for me has taken on new meaning.
I hope you’ll share your thoughts about the temple. I, for one, need help seeing truth and beauty there. Best wishes!
Old-Timer wrote:Members are not required to go through an endowment session in order to go to the Celestial room.
Really, I’ve never heard anyone talk about the ability to do that. Is full attire required or just a dress like the temple workers?
Martha wrote:Old-Timer wrote:Members are not required to go through an endowment session in order to go to the Celestial room.
Really, I’ve never heard anyone talk about the ability to do that. Is full attire required or just a dress like the temple workers?
There’s probably a lot of variability, but sometimes I’ve only had time or inclination to do initiatories, and they’ve been okay with me getting dressed afterwards (dress, not full attire) and going to the Celestial Room. I get the impression that they would not be happy with “doing nothing” but visiting the CR. I haven’t asked, so maybe I’m wrong.
If you go regularly, they get to know you, and you never want to do anything but sit in the Celestial room, I think they might question you about it. However, if you walk in, tell the person at the desk that you only have 15-20 minutes available and say that you would like to use that time to sit and ponder in the Celestial room, that is another situation entirely. It’s a lot like many members thinking they can’t go to the temple unless they are in traditional Sunday best clothing. More than once I’ve been traveling out of town, had a meeting fall through at the last minute, had a few hours available and shown up at the temple wearing khakis and a polo shirt. Nobody has said a word to me about it. They’re just been glad I was there. I would do the same thing if I wanted to be there even if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I’ve reached the point in my life where I just don’t care what people think.
Having said that, if you showed up regularly at the same temple wearing jeans and a t-shirt . . .
I’m a bit slow getting back on here, but I wanted to thank you all for your comments and support. I’ve always been the one to initiate temple visits, so we haven’t been in a long time now. But maybe someday soon we’ll go and I’ll ask to sit in the celestial room for a while. I’m working on walking my own path at church and not stepping on too many toes as I do so. It can be difficult to keep my opinions to myself. I’m so glad I found this site. It’s so good to know that others have been or are now going through the same kinds of things. 🙂 Roy wrote:My wife and I sometimes say, “I receive you.” I love the metaphor of what it might mean to actively receive another human being. This pet phrase of ours is based on the sealing ceremony. I know we modified it for our purposes. Frankly I look at the act of receiving as the ultimate gift. It means more to say, “I receive you, warts and all.” than to say, “I give myself to you, warts and all.”
Just a funny update. I wrote a text to my wife that said, “I receive you, warts and all.” She was somewhat confused and hurt by it. She read it as – “I receive you, BTW you have warts.” After I explained what I meant she felt a little better but she is still not a fan of wart analogies. Funny how people’s interpretations, understandings, needs, and meanings can be so different!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.