- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I have at the point in my life when LDS peer pressure becomes strong. I have just graduated high school, and now begins the process and constant questions, “When are you going on your mission?”, “Are you going to BYU?”, and after I tell them that I turned down my acceptance to go to BYU to go to community college (on a free tuition scholarship, by the way) and I am still making up my mind about going on a mission, “Well, get your head in the right place!”
Of course, not all members are this judgmental, and some understand the struggle I am going through. But it still it feels that if I don’t absolutely stick to the Church’s pre-formed plan of mission, BYU, and temple marriage that I am dooming myself.
I just feel that I don’t want to go to BYU because then my path of moderate, non-literal Mormonism would be stifled in the orthodox atmosphere that BYU resembles to me. I want to go to a college and learn from many different perspectives, not just the official perspective of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. But at the same time, I don’t want to throw away all that I’ve been conditioned to know is true for the last eighteen years.
What I want to know is
“How did you deal with the expectations of going on a mission and going to BYU? What did you do, and how did it end up for you?”I was still living the dream until my 50s so I can’t answer that for you but even now I do get to choose how I respond now to different things. I was talking to my wife about senior mission and we agreed that IF we were to go it would have to be a service mission, if we go at all. At one time we felt strongly about go anywhere and any way the church wanted but that has changed. You are entitled to receive your own answers and others need to learn to accept that. Good luck. May I also suggest to you that you need to be kind in how you respond to others when they ask you. Kill them with kindness and they might not be so hard on you. If you are a jerk about it they will think that you are just rebelling and they will worry more. Just my 2 cents worth of advice. seeker wrote:“How did you deal with the expectations of going on a mission and going to BYU? What did you do, and how did it end up for you?”
Being female, the expectations were a bit different, but definitely still there. For me, the expectation was to go to college until I found a husband, get married in the temple, quit school, and have babies. I know not all young women in the church may feel this pressure and I didn’t feel the pressure to quit school and have kids until after I was married, but for me the pressure was real and it was intense. It was backed up by statements and talks from the GAs and my TBM parents and in-laws. What did I do? I’m sorry to say that I caved to the pressure. My husband and I got married just 10 weeks after he got home from his mission and I was only 19. We had our first child 18 months later. I quit school to be home and we had three more kids. If I could go back, I’d still marry the same man but I’d date him longer and maybe not even get married in the temple first, but sealed later. I’d wait to have children until after I finished my college degree and gotten some work experience and then would still have worked part time. Things are good for me now. I finally finished my BS and I’m starting graduate studies this fall. Our marriage is great and our kids are wonderful! But caving to the expectations of others at the expense of what I felt was right for me caused a lot of heartache and pain and made some things in my life unnecessarily more difficult.
seeker wrote:But at the same time, I don’t want to throw away all that I’ve been conditioned to know is true for the last eighteen years.
The key word here is “conditioned”. I’m in the process of figuring out which of those things we’re “conditioned” to know are true actually are true and are good for me. I encourage you to do the same. It’s very much a personal journey we’re on here and you are at a point in your life where you’re just starting to figure out who you really are and what you believe in and value.
So I would tell you to do what you feel is right FOR YOU. I also agree with church0333’s advice to be kind to those who question you about it and even those who judge you for it. You can tell them that you’ve prayed about things and this is the answer you’ve received. They can’t argue with that. Well, I guess they can, but they shouldn’t. Personal revelation is real and I believe that it trumps general conference talks and cultural pressure.
Good luck with whatever you choose! You sound like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders.
:thumbup: Well I am currently working on my degree from BYU but decided after this past semester ended to take a job in wyoming and to work til December. I then plan on transferring to Utah state (my application is in and I already have a scholarship! woot). So don’t feel pressured to go to BYU. Do what you want to do. I spent 7 semesters at BYU and it has been awful. There have been some good times but overall the pressure is always there to be a certain person with certain goals and to get married. It is absolutely overwhelming and there have been some times when I was miserable at that school. Even in these past few months I have had nightmares that I am trapped there. SO that is only one person’s opinion but if you think that you will be overwhelmed with pressure at BYU or that you won’t be able to be yourself then you’re right and you made the right decision to go elsewhere.
I have reached the point in my life where others’ expectations just don’t concern me much anymore. At the most basic level, I care only about my own expectations of myself (and I have to evaluate even those on a regular basis, to make sure I’m not being too hard on myself or too lazy) and what I perceive to be God’s expectations of me – but, since I am more of a grace / Atonement kid of guy than a strict obedience / damnation kind of guy, I tend to not worry as much as many others do. Planning is important; anticipation of possibilities is important; worry is harmful.
I’ve come to accept that my best effort is all I can give, so that’s all that I can expect myself to give – and that means, sometimes, letting go of something or even taking a nap to revitalize is all I can give.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.