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The issue of Thomas Marsh and the way his leaving the Church has been portrayed (the milk stripping story) has been discussed ad nauseumin the Bloggernacle. I don’t want this post to be about the milk stripping story or about presentations of it. Instead, I want to excerpt a section of an address he gave in Utah after he returned. There are a couple of statements in it that I think are instructive about Stage 4 and how cancerous it can be if not addressed and, eventually, resolved. I have
boldedthe statements I want to highlight: Quote:I have frequently wanted to know how my apostacy began, and I have come to the conclusion that I must have lost the Spirit of the Lord out of my heart.
The next question is, ‘How and when did you lose the Spirit?’
I became jealous of the Prophet, and
then I saw double, and overlooked everything that was right, and spent all my time in looking for the evil; and then, when the Devil began to lead me, it was easy for the carnal mind to rise up, which is anger, jealousy, and wrath. I could feel it within me; I felt angry and wrathful; and the Spirit of the Lord being gone, as the Scriptures say, I was blinded, … I got mad, and I wanted everybody else to be mad.I understand the anger that comes so easily in the beginning of a crisis, but healing / resolution / whatever is dependent on letting go of that anger – and the longer it lasts, the more damaging it becomes. Whether or not we attribute anything to “the devil”, and no matter how we personally see Bro. Marsh’s situation, I believe there is a powerful, important message in his words.
Ray, I agree with this.. I feel my anger and I am TERRIFIED of where it might lead. I just posted a post “Losing my mind”… I just don’t know how to let go to the anger. I read so many of your post, I agree with most of what you say. It all comes with such a loving spirit. I just don’t know how you were never angry… it sounds like you just came here that way and never got tainted. I have been “tainted” to see things black and white whether from myself, my family, the church.. I guess it doesn’t matter where at this point… b/c it just happened.
I feel I was disillusioned. I am not jealous of the prophet… but I want to find my own way and not feel like I am not WORTHY ( I am befogging to hate that word) if I don’t do X, Y or Z.
I feel for people who are so angry. I have 3 REALLY angry siblings at the church… I can now see that I am capable of the same degree of anger. I don’t like it… but I also believe “That which you resists persist”… I don’t want to resist the anger so much that it just comes out sideways and unhealthy in other ways. What are some healthy ways that you have found work? I want to pray and know that God will take it away, but I don’t even know who He is anymore…. I am heart broken today.
Ray. Will you fix the title of this thread. It’s bothering me. Can’t believe I missed that. (Typed “March” instead of “Marsh”.) Thanks; it’s fixed. I think this is a great quote, Ray, and here’s the funny thing – this is 5000 times better than the false milk strippings story we hear at church. It’s a more accurate portrayal of apostasy, and yet even the manual says he was offended over a cup of cream, which makes apostates sound petty and childish. In reality, living so close to JS was an incredibly difficult thing for most early church members. He was very flawed, had an ego, was uneducated, was bad with money. He also had some great characteristics, but good and evil is spoken of him because both good and evil things are TRUE of him. This was really insightful. I wish this was in the manual instead of the flipping milk story!!
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