Jack TBM

I’ve met members in the past who are certain the church is true and had copies of the Book of Mormon on their bookshelf… And yet they’ve not attended church in 10 years and will bear their testimony over a cigarette and a can of beer.

I’m not sure that helps you a lot. But I suppose Mormonism works on everyone in different ways.

I thought I would have a confidant during my faith crisis. He is coming across TBM in thought but not action and it is driving me nuts. I know he has a few doubts but they aren’t anything like mine.

I don’t have enough to go on for certain, but I can interject some thoughts, and you apply them if they match your situation, and ignore them if they don’t. Just thinking out loud, but perhaps you are focused on points of doctrine rather than spiritual progression. I am a complete non-believer, yet I still will defend some elements of doctrine when I hear anti-mormon abuses. I don’t necessarily defend the doctrine itself, but the reasonableness of the Church for holding such a doctrine. If on the other hand I’m talking to another person about spirituality and approaching God and living a god-centered life and finding a core in spite of changing beliefs, then I don’t feel any need to defend either the Church or its doctrines, because I think of those concerns as personal. In other words, if you want a confidant, maybe make it more based on spirituality and less based on specific issue about the Church or its doctrine.

My jack Mormon husband and I have had several discussions about religion that end in frustration. He has been inactive for years and doesn’t “live it” anymore, so I thought I would have a confidant during my faith crisis. He is coming across TBM in thought but not action and it is driving me nuts. I know he has a few doubts but they aren’t anything like mine. I feel he started the fire that burned my relationship with the church and now is trying to get me to beleive in it still. What gives? Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants in life…Anybody dealt with a family member like this? My concern is thinking about how he thinks or what he says makes me feel more negative or anti, something i don’t want…Honestly, he might be the reason i walk away for good.

Honest beliefs are one thing, how much you actually like the active LDS lifestyle or not is something else entirely. This Jack TBM description sounds almost exactly like me before I got married. The main difference between me and the average Jack Mormon was that I had already served a mission before rebelling in a big way so I think that experience gave me more interest in and understanding of the basic LDS doctrines whereas it seems like most of the members I would call Jack Mormons seem fairly apathetic or disinterested about many of the Church’s doctrines. At the time my thought process was basically along the lines of, “Maybe I will repent at some point down the road but right now I don’t really feel like it.” However I still just accepted most of the Church’s teachings as being essentially true in principle and had no interest in listening to anyone criticize the Church. Actually, having my wife start pressuring me about getting married in the temple and my returning to Church and doing callings again were some of the main things that led to my faith crisis.

Basically I became obsessed with trying to answer the questions of whether I could really justify committing to everything the Church was asking for and how likely it was that I could actually make it to the Celestial Kingdom especially so that I could hopefully feel good about paying tithing again (http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2921). So then I really started to pay close attention to the scriptures, lessons, conference talks, etc. but rather than boosting my faith that all this was worthwhile I started to increasingly lose confidence that all these accepted prophets and apostles really knew what they were talking about in many cases. After that I started reading Mormon apologetics and that was really the beginning of the end of my traditional LDS testimony. At this point I think it’s generally not a good idea to expect other people to quickly change their minds in a specific way. Trying to convince others that you are right and they are wrong is often more likely to make them get defensive and dig in their heels than actually succeed in getting them to see things the way you do. I hardly ever talk about the Church with my wife anymore and things seem to go more smoothly that way most of the time.

The other night we were trying to have family prayer with our younger children and my older sons who are not believers wouldn’t stop talking and doing what they were doing to join us. My emotional reaction to their rudeness was just like I was TBM again and it took me a while to understand why. I finally realized that although I am mostly not believing, I am still a Mormon girl. It’s my ancestry. It’s my culture. And I still don’t like anyone disrespecting that and if feel that my boys should also honor their background, even if they don’t believe. Even though you husband doesn’t practice, his loyalty may still be very much aligned with the LDS church.

Wow everyone thanks. There were several things said that describe my husband exactly.

I have been running the spirituality at our house for years. Now that he sees that changing he is second guessing kickstarting my inactivity. He is also very loyal naturally so that explains why he wouldn’t want anybody questioning his religion. I can see how he assumed if I followed his path that I would be just like him and keep a traditional testimony. That is something I had not considered. He had no idea what this would do to my beliefs and now he is most likely having some regrets.

It’s like a pandora’s box has been opened in my head. He used to know where I was headed and his kids and was content to have me do all the work at church. Now there is an uncertain element to what I might do. I do feel like this is what his choices in the past have put me through.

All I can say is karma’s a b*#%@.

Good point.

I’ve given up on some of the rules, however i also like many of them. Either way, I’m taking control of what i think and do and trying to figure myself out and that makes all the difference i think.