- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
So a couple of weeks ago we had a really good visit with our home teacher who is also in the bishopric. After the lesson he wanted to talk to me and asked me if I would accept being in the sunday school presidency. My first reaction was that I can’t hardly stand sunday school and wouldn’t be ok teaching it since I disagree with a lot of it. But I didn’t tell him that. I did say that a big stipulation was that I am NOT comfortable teaching sunday school. I was told that I wasn’t being called to a teaching position and that the reason they wanted to call me was that the sunday school president (my one friend in the ward) felt inspired that I should be in the presidency. He also said the bishopric had felt inspired as well. I, at the time, didn’t want to disagree since I do believe they could be inspired. I was told that the president had been trying to think of “outside of the box” ideas for classes and having suggested on this board a class for those struggling with faith and their families thought here was a good opportunity I might be able to share some of my ideas. It felt ok at the time. I blessed my baby about a week later (on a weekday) and I was set apart for the calling while we were waiting for family to show up since the bishop and everyone was there. The bishop made an off comment about teaching right after I was set apart and I very quickly replied I’d been told that it wasn’t a teaching calling. The bishop seemed taken aback and the bishopric member reassured me afterwards. Anyways, flash forward one week and what is the very first thing I’m asked to do in this calling?? Teach GD. I can’t. For several reasons…not the least being I don’t believe half of it….
This has been a pattern in my experience. I’ve been through this bait and switch routine before. I accept a calling after very clearly laying out my conditions and then once set apart they disregard all of them and commence trying to guilt me into doing it their way. I HATE the idea of using callings to reactivate me. I REALLY HATE when they then try to guilt me for not doing what they want when i very specifically said before taking the calling that I wouldn’t do it.
I don’t blame the people, I blame the way they’re taught to do their jobs. This just frustrates the heck out of me. I was about ready to try and go more regularly to church (to make my wife happy…even though she can’t attend because she works Sundays as a nurse). I was even planning on going this Sunday. But having been through this runaround with 3 other callings in 2 other wards, I’m not dealing with it this time. I guess they’ll see me when my wife can go. Maybe I’ll have better luck when we move out of Utah next summer but who knows.
I’m just sick of how it seems to be OK for them to mislead and lie to me with the thought that in the end I’ll be active again so their deceit will be justified. It’s not. It’s totally disingenuous and un-Christlike and this kind of manipulation is what drives me the most crazy. It drove me so crazy on my mission being taught how to do this stuff to get people baptized. Don’t they realized I’ve no been trained to see right through it? It’s so amazingly transparent what they’re doing…..
Ugh.
I don’t really know that I need advice, just to vent.
I talked to my wife about it. She was there when I set the boundaries. She knows pretty much exactly where I stand. She still holds out hope that I’ll “be fixed” at some point but she loves me either way. She’s been kind of upset about them doing this because she saw I was making progress at dealing with the church. And now this. I think she’s starting to see the negative aspects of the church. It’s so hard because I don’t want to take away from her faith. And I love God and the Gospel so much.
I just wish the church would get the heck out of the way and help make people’s lives better instead of trying to cram everyone into a mold at whatever the cost. The mold isn’t better, It’s a stupid limiting mold that the church was supposed to be greater than. I hate when they show me how much it isn’t.
Vent away. Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
Vent away – and attend but refuse to teach. Staying away isn’t taking a stand; it’s running away from the stand you took.I mean that. Hold them to what you were told. Make them face it. Don’t let them off.
Look your Bishop in the eye and say, calmly and quietly:
Quote:I was told that I would not be asked to teach when I accepted this calling. I will perform the calling as it was explained to me and as I accepted it. I will serve in this calling, but I won’t teach classes. That’s what I was promised, and that’s what I will do. If that’s not acceptable, release me and offer me a different calling.
Thanks cwald. 
Ray,
I guess I’ve been raised passive aggressive. So my instinct is to just back off. I know passive agressivenesss is NOT good… I understand the idea of holding them to it but I’m trying not to get called in for an interview that leads to me saying things that get my TR taken away. Im afraid if i tell them what you just said it might get me there… I need to chill before i say anything to anyone anyways. I understand that staying is probably the better path for me but I know that I’ll blow this out of proportion because I have pent up anger from the last 3 times this happened just wanting to burst out….
I don’t want to leave the church, there is just such a pattern of this kind of stuff that is pushing me out. If it was just me I’d make my stand on it and other things that bother me–consequences be damned. But if I get myself labeled or get my TR taken its my wife they’re hurting. And I don’t want to hurt her. She’s struggled enough with me and my faith transition already. She suggested I just quit the calling though. Since my relationship with the church right now is mainly to please her I’ll probably just defer to what she wants.
But trust me, deep down I would love to make an issue over this. I don’t plan on leaving the church. But I find it more and more inevitable that at some point I’ll have to take a stand on something like this that will lead to them forcing me out of it.
The Church better train people on faith crisis quickly…. we are losing people over nonsense like this. Don’t draw lines in the sand leaders. ughhh. Ok now onto a good day wuwei, I completely understand your frustration. For what it’s worth, I’ve experienced this kind of “bait and switch” far more often in the workplace than at church, so I guess I have a bit of a different perspective. Some thoughts:
– You are operating under the assumption that the bishop, the councilor who called you, and your SS President friend got in a room and hatched a scheme, setting in motion the perfect Rube Goldberg to get you to teach Gospel Doctrine, as a way to reactivate you. Perhaps that happened. But, I would say, more likely, your friend just wanted you working with him, maybe in a sincere effort to give you a comfortable way to be involved without a heavy load, and in a friendly environment, the councilor likely doesn’t think of councilor in the SSP as a teaching position, and the Bishop assumes that if you are OK with SSP, that you would be OK teaching, because he thinks of it as teaching when teachers don’t show up. One of the issues that arises from a committee, is that while they all may appear to act as one, they don’t all think the same way personally. Notice the different views of the jury, who all agreed to the same verdict in the GZ trial, but can’t seem to agree why. So, I guess what I’m saying is that its possible that they are not in cahoots, but simply expressing their individual views, which are different from the one who called you, making it look like a bait and switch.
– Got to back up Ray on this one. You know… it’s fine to be labeled… but you decide what the label is. Your label should be the guy in SSP that doesn’t teach. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that. I once had a calling in the deacon’s quorum. I was working two nights a week, in addition to my day job at the time, so I told them when they called me that I would not be able to be at Mutual, only Sunday’s. They expressed concern that I wouldn’t be able to mesh with the boys if they only saw me on Sundays, but I just put it back to them… “well, that may be, I’m willing to be there on Sundays, but I can’t on Tuesdays.” They called me anyway, and we operated with that mode. There were some involved in YM that clearly thought that wasn’t going to work, but it didn’t change that I couldn’t be there. BTW, it didn’t work for all the reasons the people were concerned about. But that wasn’t my problem.
– Most wards have an annoying habit of having people pulled in at the last second to teach because a teacher doesn’t show, and that is treated as acceptable. I served in the SSP years ago, and I let it be known that I wasn’t there to teach ad hoc lessons to people because the teacher didn’t show. The way we worked it was that each teacher was responsible to teach their class, or to find a substitute ahead of time. Occasionally, somebody would wake up sick and then, fine, we’d sub, but the rule was teachers got their own subs. My wife was primary president for awhile and she’d regularly get teachers calling her to tell her they wouldn’t be at church, and she’d simply say, “No problem, give me a call back and let me know who your sub is.” Sometimes they’d say that they didn’t know who to ask, my wife would say, “try the ward directory.”
– I really like the premise of you participating in the SSP in a way to help shape an environment that is inviting to fringe believers. I think that is cool. If you think so to, don’t let this situation kick you out of that opportunity.
Sincere question: Why would not wanting to teach a class end up with you in an interview that could jeopardize your temple recommend?
I don’t know the personalities involved, but a simple, “I just don’t want to teach classes right now, but I am willing to be in the SSP,” contains nothing that ought to be challenged.
I know LOTS of members who refuse all callings, and their temple recommends aren’t yanked.Also, if a temple recommend came up in a conversation, I would say something (with a grin) like, “I am worthy of the temple recommend I hold. Thanks for your concern. I’ll see you for an interview when it’s about to expire.”
What I’m saying is that I would advise you not to give up control of something like this, especially when there is no logical reason for this leading to losing a temple recommend.
Having said that, I know some people are illogical, so only you can make the final call.
After a couple days (and some catching up on sleep from having a newborn) I’m much calmer. I know it’s not going to lead there. I was just half ready to write a whole letter of my objections and issues and why I can’t do it anymore. I’m usually much more rational than I have been lately. I’m pretty sure it’s the lack of sleep… Reading back through my post I don’t know why I was so paranoid…
Oh well. I appreciate the advice. I’m going to let them know I just can’t teach right now…and be much less dramatic about it than I would have been two days ago heh.
Thanks again all.
Did you talk with the Sunday School President about not teaching? When I was the President I asked my First Counsellor to teach GD once and he said that he didn’t like GD and wouldn’t teach it. No big deal,I went and found someone else (me). Did the request to teach come from the SSP or the Bishopric? There is nothing wrong with objecting to teaching, everyone does it. I used to walk up and down the halls during SS to see who was “hanging out”. When I found some people (wasn’t hard to do), I asked one of them to teach the following week. I was turned down a lot, but there were always less people in the halls during SS!! Wuwei, Congrats on the new baby!! Lack of sleep can make little things seem like Mt. Everest… even though I didn’t think the situation you were in seemed small. Where I am in my Faith Transition it would have freaked me out as well. Add no sleep and that could seem catastrophic. I freaked out on here a few weeks ago and went back and read it and felt embarrassed. I loved that this is a safe place to vent and that I got the green light to vent away. It really helped me to get it out and I felt better just from posting and stopped me from getting a tattoo (although I did get my tragus (ear) pierced)… haha (my hubby lovingly called me a rebel without a clue! then he kissed it)
I am glad there is this place to vent. I hope you work it all out with something that brings you peace. I agree that you shouldn’t run either, but either way it is your choice:)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.