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I had a long 4 page document detailing my long experience with the LDS Church but I don’t think people would care to read 2,200 words. I have grown up in the Church and come from a several generation LDS family, especially on my Grandpa’s side. As a Child and Teenager, I had a lot of trouble relating to my peers. This was because I was “different”, which I eventually grew out of. I strayed from the Church for 10 years and returned. It hasn’t been an easy return because my Wife is not a member and is not interested. This is mainly because she doesn’t like how Men and Women are treated differently. She believes that families should worship together, not men vs. women.
After I was released from my calling, I quit attending Church. I figured someone from the Bishopric would call or send me an e-mail asking how I was doing. I didn’t hear from a soul and that was devastating to me. I magnified my calling for 4 years and did not get a quick phone call or e-mail offering any kind of assistance or care. I know I came up short temporal wise, but I was trying my best to make things right. For a little more background, I have not endowed and was working toward being worthy to be an Elder. I was ordained a Priest before I left the Church the first time.
I have been thinking a lot about what God’s plan is for me. It makes me wonder if God has something “out of the box” in my future. I have been recently attending other Churches in the area to see where we might fit in. I visited a very small Community of Christ Church and felt the spirit there strongly. I remembered Matthew, 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” It was strange, like I was in my home Ward. They had 15 people in the meeting house that looked like it could hold 10 times that. Lots of people moved away or died off (as with our LDS Ward, we have been devastated by losses in population), so they are left with some hold outs. No youth or kids either. If my family went, we would be the only ones. The Pastor said that people visit their services all the time but don’t come back because of lack of kids.
LDS hasn’t really worked for me for mainly social reasons, I wonder if I am supposed to put my energy in elsewhere? Is there a possibility that God wants me to “Go Long” and serve mankind in another way? I love serving the Church, it is a way to keep me on the right path. My Wife is unsure but will give it a try (I told her that Church is one hour, which is what she wants to spend). I think she will like it after she gets used to it.
What do you think? I am praying about this and feel like it is the right thing to do. You don’t have to tell what the differences between CoC and LDS, I know those already. I just want to be useful to God in some way and I ask Him to make me useful. It is the least I can do to repay Him for all the blessings he has given me. While my life is not your typical Mormon story, I think there is room for stories like mine.
Quote:I am praying about this and feel like it is the right thing to do.
It sounds like you already have received and answer. From what you posted it sounds like it would be a better fit for your family as far as what your wife wants. There is a quote that I always used to wonder about from Steel Magnolias “God don’t care what church you go to as long as you show up”. It has never been my belief, but it is more my belief now than ever before… I would even go as far as saying God doesn’t even care if you go to church, He just wants us to be happy and remember who we truly are … but that is where I am today.
Peace in your journey!
Follow your heart and what you believe God is telling you. Quote:“We claim the privilege of worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience,
and allow all men the same privilege. . .” I love that Article of Faith, and I would be a hypocrite if I preached it in theory but didn’t support it in real life situations.
You are welcome to participate here, no matter your official affiliation, as long as you don’t try to draw others away from the LDS Church but instead help support them in their efforts to stay LDS. I look forward to getting to know you better.
People need to make their own decisions. I couldn’t get my own Wife to do anything with the LDS Church and I barely got her to ok going to CoC. I am not an official member of CoC. You kind of missed my point of my post. This is new territory for me and was hoping that I someone could encourage me to do what your first sentence says. I have experienced loneliness, disappointment and hurt feelings. Look at my username to see how I feel. My cross weighs 100 tons and I have take it with me everywhere I go. I would imagine many part member families, especially those when the spouse doesn’t approve, feel the same way. My calling and other Church work took me away from the house a lot, my Wife was mad every single time I returned home. I thought it was worth it because I was living the gospel and doing His work. This was wrong for me and I wouldn’t recommend it. Family Is supposed to come first, but what if the family doesn’t let you participate? Something had to give, now I am stuck trying to pick up the pieces.
Don’t worry, I still love the Church very much and would never apostasize against the Church. The core Church itself really isn’t the problem, it’s my personal experiences that got me where I am today. Life gets lonely when you are cast off and forgotten. Everyone asks my parents how I am doing, they never asked me directly.
Quote:You kind of missed my point of my post.
Actually, I don’t think I did. Hence, my first sentence.
I hope you can recognize and accept my sense of humor. It gets me in trouble sometimes.
😳 No problem I actually wish I found this site before. I didn’t want to look up Mormon sites because I thought they were all Anti-Mormon. Glad you responded to my posts with understanding.
My friend, thank you for sharing your story. I understand your feelings for being a little upset after your release because everyone wants to be needed or at least missed when we are gone. I have learned that we are all busy and a little self-centered and out of sight out of mind. I know I get that way but it is not what I intend. Remember forgiveness and try to not be like that. Easier said than done, I know. As far as attending another church, maybe you can attend both until you find what works best for you and your wife. What does she want? Sorry, I don’t have a better answer but thanks again for sharing and please let us get to know you better. This can be a pretty good online ward.
Thanks for your reply church0333. My Wife hasn’t attended CofC yet, but I am hoping that it will go well. As far as my feelings go, I had a calling that involved Ward Council meetings. We did a lot of talking about needs of people in the Ward. I just thought that maybe someone would think to at least reach out to me. It’s been almost a year now. You have lots of people who could have done it, Bishopric, Elders, MIssionariries, Stake President, Home Teachers… They seemed more interested in helping other people. I know people are busy, but a quick e-mail would have been nice. Reach out in friendship, at the very least.
Maybe this is the wrong board to be discussing this. I do want to encourage LDS to continue to go to their Wards and Branches. It is a great Church, run by inspired people. Just my experience and my path may be different from others. This is my last chance before I may have to leave religion completely.
I think this is a great place to discuss your hurt. I can see why you are hurt. It would really hurt my feelings too! I am not trying to apologize for your ward members, but there are a few people in my ward who I have noticed stopped coming. I think about them often and wonder what they are going through, but I don’t want to bug them b/c I don’t want people to bug me if I stopped coming. (Honestly if I could go unnoticed and “slip away” with no one noticing I would love that..l although I think they would notice, but just talk in meetings about me and I would HATE that.). So I would propose that they notice and care but don’t want to bug you or push you.
Would you go back if they did notice and ask you to come back? If so would your family be better from it? What made you quit going in the beginning, the pressure from you wife or disbelief’s? Do you have close relationships with the people in your ward?
As a youth, I quit going because I wanted a fresh start in life. I lived with my Wife before marriage (not the best choice) and got married. I carved my own path with no one’s misconceptions about how I used to be. When I came back 10 years later, I stayed with the Church 7 years between two Wards. I didn’t develop too many relationships at the second Ward, which was part of the problem. It seems that my “Home” Ward has their own circle of friends and I wasn’t around enough to get into that circle. My parents go to the same Ward, so I was always associated with them. People thought I lived in their basement. 😆 In both instances, the lack of friends hurt me. The lack of following up after I left was painful as well. I get that people don’t want to bother those who have left, but an e-mail or a letter would be non-threating. Maybe I am off base, I don’t know.I have since moved on, I can’t have my Wife getting upset every time I go to Church. Since LDS has been so hard for me, I have to think that Hevenly Father has something in mind. I am praying for that revelation to come soon.
I think it can really depend on the local ward as far as welcoming and integration. I’ve had a home-teacher that helped me fix my clothes dryer, plug the gaps in the swamp cooler, trim the hedges in my yard – and he asked me to help him learn Spanish so it was somewhat reciprocal. I’ve had a bishop that would take the guys out for movies and proof read my industry article submissions. If I were to stop going to church, they would still be a part of my life and they could ask about my situation without pushing guilt. But I agree with church0333 – most people are pretty busy and somewhat self centered. In my life we participate in many churches (I draw a distinction between participation and attendance – We go to the LDS 3 hour block but are involved in many programs [like Vacation Bible School, kids place, Awanas] of other churches). We do this principally because the LDS church doesn’t offer much for the primary age kids. It has the added benefit of diversifying our social network. I also feel that it “supplements” my personal spirituality (I sometimes feel the spirit strongly in these other churches).
In the beginning DW was very concerned that these churches would feel used if we never became members of their congregations. That has not been our experience – they seem genuinely glad for our participation as often (or as little) as we can. On the other hand we have taken some pushback from LDS that question our motives and loyalties in the beginning. Now we’ve been doing it for so long that it’s not anything new and nobody really talks about it. The LDS is still the best at stuff like bringing in meals for sick people and sending the Elders to help you move.
So for me this arrangement has worked out pretty well and represents somewhat of a compromise with DW. I am not saying that this is what you should do as your situation is unique and there can be so many variables. I believe that God will respect you following your mind and heart to do what is best for your family. I also believe that whatever path you choose will involve some “potholes.” I do not expect to find a perfect path, plan, or church – and that is ok. OTOH, I have met a whole lot of great people that have enriched my life and become good friends.
Good luck and God bless!
Heavy_Laden wrote:Is there a possibility that God wants me to “Go Long” and serve mankind in another way?
Yes, I do think it is possible. Especially for the right reasons. I think that is “God’s Plan” for billions of His other children that will never join the church, they have ways to find God too. Just be honest with yourself and do it for the right reasons, and realize that all churches have “pros and cons” and you may find one is better for you, or you may find it about the same with some things you feel good about and somethings you don’t. For sure you will find all are filled with imperfect people doing the best they can with what they have. But I think you may never know until you venture out and see for yourself. Roy kind of gave that example of allowing himself to try different things without having to jettison the whole LDS faith. I appreciate his example.
Heavy_Laden wrote:I love serving the Church, it is a way to keep me on the right path.
Me 2. One reason I stay. I really think it helps me, when I understand it correctly and apply it correctly. Do you talk to you wife about this and how you feel? Does she understand that also?
Heavy_Laden wrote:My Wife is unsure but will give it a try (I told her that Church is one hour, which is what she wants to spend).
Heavy_Laden wrote:Family Is supposed to come first
…Yes…I think that is a good guide. Family first. Do what will help your family. I love that imagery from the temples and church doctrines, that we return to God…not alone..but with our families and with our relationships. I really like that, and therefore it is not all about me. It is a family journey, as much as it can be.
At the end of the day, listen to Ray’s comment:
Old-Timer wrote:Follow your heart and what you believe God is telling you.
This means you do what you feel is right, whether others approve or not…seek God’s approval for you and your family, and break away from black and white thinking of trying to be “all in” or “all out” of the church.Heavy_Laden wrote:While my life is not your typical Mormon story, I think there is room for stories like mine.
Glad you found us. We are all atypical, like the island of misfit toys, as Brian would always say. You will fit in here nicely. Keep sharing your thoughts and your experiences as you decide what to do. Maybe God wants you to help someone coming after you with similar thoughts and concerns…and sharing them here helps for all those who lurk and read and think they are atypical as well.
Thanks Roy and Heber13 for the great responses. Quote:
Heavy_Laden wrote:I love serving the Church, it is a way to keep me on the right path.Me 2. One reason I stay. I really think it helps me, when I understand it correctly and apply it correctly. Do you talk to you wife about this and how you feel? Does she understand that also?
I have tried for years to talk to my Wife and tell her how the Church has helped. She just sees it as me doing something on my own and she doesn’t agree. One time she said she wished I would have been up front with her regarding religion. It might have been her just being mad, but it hurt big time. Now that I quit going, we have a lot more peace in the house. There is no need to have holy wars in my own house, I believe that is a Satan’s tactic. It went on long enough!
I think I could provide a different voice on this forum. From the looks of it, we have a mix of people here. I can come from a part member or outsider perspective on a lot of topics. I provided that kind of insight during our WC meetings as well. I have rather strong opinions on those who pressure people into missions, temple work, ect.. I believe that everyone should do what THEY want to do, not what people TELL them to do. I see a lot of posts here with those kinds of things going on. As I asked the Pastor at CofC, as long as you will have me, I will stay.
You are welcome here to stay as long as you like. Quote:I believe that everyone should do what THEY want to do, not what people TELL them to do. I see a lot of posts here with those kinds of things going on.
Will you please clarify what you mean? I just want to make sure I understand correctly.
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