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Sheldon — I wanted to ask you a question about your time as Bishop — if you are comfortable sharing it here. I have what I call “brushes” with the priesthood leadership now and then when they see us on the endowed without TR list, or that we are capable people who are not fully engaged with the church. I use stonewalling techniques to walk out of the meeting with my options open for the future, while preserving the relationship with the priesthood leader as much as possible.
I would like to expand this now, and say things that are credible and honest, but which actually have potential to change the mind of the priesthood leader (potentially)…to help him be more open, to question matters of policy, be less judgmental, less short-term, organization focused in their thinking, and to form his or her own philosophy.
Did you ever have such a meeting with a member of your Ward when you were Bishop? Without necessarily disclosing any details that would compromise confidentiality, were there any landmark types of conversations that seriously altered your own views about leadership, administration, or even the meaning of doctrine? I mean for this to be a wide-open question, so any convos or observations that altered your perceptions would be welcome to hear about…if you feel you can share here.
SIlentDawning, I think most of your Priesthood leaders are going to be much like my Stake President. I had just finished reading Rough Stone Rolling, and during my monthly PPI with the SP that all bishops go through, I asked him if he had read the book. He said he has started to read it, but when Bushman got to some negative aspects of Joseph Smiths life, he stopped reading it. He said he did not what to know those things about JS. I think most of your leaders will be like that. There will be nothing you can say that will change them. They are either already an open, heterodox bishop like I was, or they are an orthodox person, with their head in the sand like my SP was. (BTW, my SP was a wonderful man, who I considered a friend). The things people said to me in interviews did change me, but again, I was already headed that way. During the predecessor to Prop 8 here in California, called Prop 22 (early 2000’s), there was the typical rhetoric from the pulpit in Sacrament meetings, sometime it was a HC speaker, delivering a message from the SP on Gay Marriage This happened just before I was called as bishop, so I got to see the fallout of this. I learned that two couples in my ward went inactive because of the churches stance on Gay Marriage. Nobody else knew why they stopped coming. (one had a gay son). So, while bishop, I told my SP that I would not allow the stake to take over sacrament meeting for any future gay marriage bashing, as I had seen first hand the outcome of such actions. He said he didn’t foresee that happening again, and hopefully if wouldn’t happen while I was bishop. I was released 2 years before Prop 8 reared its head.
I once early on in my tenure as bishop had a widowed lady in her 80’s ask to see me. As we sat in my office, she told me she had something to confess. I wondered what could this sweet old lady had done that she needed to speak with me? She told me that 60 years ago, weeks before their marriage, she had let her soon to be husband touch her inappropriately. She had never confessed this, and it had bothered her for all these years. I of course told her she was forgiven years ago with her faithful service as a mother and many callings in the church. But what I learned from this is to make sure the youth in my ward did not go through life fretting over something as insignificant as this.
So I guess the bottom line is that unless your bishop is already an open thinker, I don’t think there is much you can say to change his mind.
I’m not so sure. I was a focused leader at one time who would not read anything negative….and then I became a HPGL. One of my life changing situations was an elderly couple. They needed welfare assistance. They had a very slim margin, were trying to hang on to their independence while looking after their elderly mother who had Alzheimers (partly for the support payments). Our Bishop insisted they cut the cable, and make other changes that would free up some diddly amounts. Finally, the man of the house, an active, TR holder his whole life said “I had heard once that when you’ve paid tithing all your life, and are no longer physically able to work, that perhaps you don’t have to pay it anymore, especially if you barely have enough to support a basic lifestyle? I gave away most of my wealth to the church over the years”.
His wife sat and looked at me (from her wheelchair). He walked with a cane, and his mother walked around the house in a stupor, at one point, trying to get into the fridge which had a chain and lock on it…presumably to stop her from making a mess.
That changed me. I never really liked paying tithing, but the hard line our Bishop took with them, and the negative attitude of some of the people in the War toward them for not taking more responsibiilty, they presumed, laid the groundwork for my own view of tithing. Where was the compassion? If he had’ve kept it, or simply paid what he could afford, he might not have been subject to the judgments of his bishop when he had needs.
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The other one was when we had 14 companionships to home teach 210 families. We resorted to letters each month to at least get forwarding addresses of people when they moved, and strengthen them with a message. I bore this cost of about $40 a month for a couple years, and finally asked for budget money. The Bishop acknowledged the letters mattered — people mentioned them in meetings even when they were inactive (with our Bishop). But he denied my request to use budget funds for them. Then, at the end of the year, the clerk told me they sent money back to the the Stake or Salt Lake that was not spent from the budget.
At that point, I realized that reaching the lost sheep was vitally important — but only when it was free. That started the tension I feel between the temporal side of the church and its proclaimed divinity.
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From your post, I think I will continue with the respectful stonewalling approach I use that simply keeps options open….
Thanks.
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