Am I Kidding Myself?

The middle way is not easy.

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The middle way is not easy.

I’m learning that myself.

Kumahito, only you can decide what’s right for you. I don’t think you’re fooling yourself, you clearly know what you are doing. You might be fooling others by not disclosing your actions, but that is also your decision. When it comes time to get a new TR, you’re going to have to answer those questions. Could you answer affirmatively to the questions about the WoW and tithing? Sure you could, if you truly believe you are living the WoW and paying a full tithe. The fact that you’re questioning tells me you’re not fully comfortable with your decisions. But they are YOUR decisions for YOU to make, and they are YOUR questions to answer.

As one who is just finding his own middle way, I am not worthy of a TR and do not pretend to be. I know which questions I cannot answer affirmatively to, and while I could use that as my own assessment of standing in the church I have chosen not. If that is important to you, however, then you must make your decision based on that.

Good advice, mate. I am very comfortable in the decisions I’ve made – my discomfort comes in not being able to be genuine at Church or when out and about in town. I do have a little reticence to answer the TR questions – I know whent they say “Do you live the Word of Wisdom?”, I know what they mean by that, even if I think I’ve read Section 89 and I’m in harmony with what it says. I don’t want to hedge and I absolutely won’t lie – if I were asked point-blank “Do you drink any alcoholic beverages?” I’d be honest and say yes.

Like I said, I just wish it were easier for non-traditional types to be honest and open without becoming a “project” of the HPG or being ostracized.

kumahito,

I understand where you are coming from. It is tough. My perception is that it is getting easier for people like us, but I recognize that much of my perception is clouded by being a part of this community. I feel like here, we have an opportunity to talk, to listen, to seek council and to be part of a group where we have similar trials, questions, and answers. So, I have an outlet that is much more effective than the one at the meetinghouse on Sundays. So, maybe it isn’t really getting easier in the Church… but like I said, it seems to be. Maybe I am just getting more comfortable in my own situation (again, thanks to StayLDS) and that, in turn, is making me feel less angst about the Church and its teachings. I don’t know.

On the topic of the TR. I can tell you that that is why I no longer hold a TR. I couldn’t be true to myself if I stretched the truth so much on several of those questions. So for me, I’ve lived without the temple, but satisfied in my own conscience. For me, I couldn’t imagine reversing that position.

Whatever you choose, I encourage you to think of the Church or any church as a framework for spirituality, not spirituality itself. Our relationship with God is ours to own. The Church can help, if we let it, because it provides communal meetings, prayer, sacrament, and opportunities for direct service; all helpful elements of spirituality. But that doesn’t mean that we are only successful within the Church if we adhere to every item of dogma. I don’t like our history and continued support and rationalization and belief in plural marriage, but I can still participate in the items listed above without mental anguish, because polygamy is not a part of any of them. Our sacrament prayers, for example, are beautiful and meaningful… and don’t mention polygamy… or the WoW, or anything else in our laundry list of issues.

Ya know, I’ve actually never understood the whole “pay tithing on your gross income”. I didn’t receive a gross income. I received a net income. I felt like anyone trying to force members to pay on their gross income is putting undue stress on families who don’t make a whole lot.

Kumahito,

My answer to your question is this: No. You are not fooling yourself.

You need to live the Gospel according to your understanding. If your understanding differs from someone else’s so be it. No one lives perfectly or understands perfectly. Even the question “Are you honest in your dealings with your fellow man?” is problematic because in actuality everyone’s answer ought to be no. We are all a little dishonest. Leaving pieces of a story out so your spouse doesn’t get as upset. Taking advantage of an employee discount even though you are not employed by that company. Saying “I’m fine” when someone asks how you’re doing when you’re really not fine at all.

How many men say yes to keeping the law of chastity even though they at porn on a semi-regular basis?

The beer thing, well, that’s tough because most Mormons would say, oh heck no. But, the biggest thing that Joseph Smith said about alcohol was to avoid drunkenness. You can get tipsy or drunk off beer. Avoid that because I think that’s the real crux of the matter. (No one says don’t use pure vanilla extract which has 35% alcohol.) So yeah, you’re gonna have to be in the closet over this one to most people. Or you can rethink it. Or drink so little in moderation as to have the alcohol content be negligible.

As long as you can honestly say that you are striving to live the Gospel (that’s one of the questions) then you’re okay. It’s the STRIVING that’s important because we are all going to fall short of perfection, but that’s rather the point. One of the greatest lessons in this life is striving, or in other words, enduring to the end, end as in until judgment day.

(Hm, I wonder if Judgment Day is actually a day in God’s time and thus will be a span of a thousand of our Earth years. That thought just occurred to me right now.)

Hi Kumahito,

Not sure how to say this without sounding a little mean – but I think to a some degree yes, middle wayers may be kidding themselves. I quite like and agree with what RuthieChan said

You need to live the Gospel according to your understanding. If your understanding differs from someone else’s so be it. No one lives perfectly or understands perfectly.

That being said, part of me thinks that the standards many bishops and stake presidents want us to live are *their* standards. That is why they are “judges in Israel”. Just as we use our own judgement about what commandments mean, part of their job is to use *their* judgment in determining our worthiness.

This may not help much, but even if we are kidding ourselves, it may be worth it to hold onto our cultural identity, family unity, whatever. Just this morning I heard a TV commentator refer to himself as an atheist Jew without hesitation. If there are atheist Jews, why can’t there be middle way Mormons.

Nobody who is seeking to live according to the dictates of his or her own conscience is kidding themselves. If anything, they are doing the opposite.

Also, there are WAY more members who are on their own paths than most people realize. They simply don’t share most things where they differ in their views from other members, because they don’t see church as the place to air those differences – and because they don’t want to make the ways that they might make. I wish that last part wasn’t so, but it is – so I do my best to make a space for them to feel comfortable sharing a few things they wouldn’t share otherwise.