Hello, I’m new here but hope to be a regular participant

Thanks, Hawkgrrrl for the reply. My BYU grad daughter is also a bit of a feminist, and struggles at times with her own questions. I like that you can give witty replies as you do, and I can usually come up with something witty also, but mine come a few hours late! 🙂

I agree with, it does at times amaze me how the church teaches the need for continuing revelation (and yes, evolution of thought), yet some members of the church are so rigid that any new or different thought is flatly rejected.

I have all of these years felt very alone. I am so happy I have found a place where I am understood and not alone.

Thanks. I don’t have a particular place to go when I leave after Sacrament Meeting, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who will be leaving also. Likewise, I don’t mind participating in most activities as long as the demands of those activities don’t unduly interfere with time with my family. Your comments about other meetings (SS, priesthood) are duly noted, and why I believe I probably won’t attend them.

Welcome DarkJedi. I am also on lds.net, in fact, I used to be a moderator. I got sick of people being so black/white about issues that I left for a while. I slowly started coming back there a few months ago, but the situation is the same. There are a few that I would love, love, love to tell off and it would so be worth getting banned for, but I don’t. I just come here and enjoy the civil discussions about various levels of belief and open conversations about the issues facing the church.

Welcome.

😆 I know exactly what you mean. I get good stuff from there, don’t get me wrong. My user name is very similar there (there’s an underscore between the words there), feel free to look at my posts. There’s a recent thread about referencing Christ in meetings that I responded to a couple times but won’t any more. How I would love to show a couple of moderators where the bear did you-know-what in the buckwheat, but I don’t want to be banned, either, because I do get something out of it. Being there has given me some insight into how I might handle those who see things from a very different point of view than I do.

Hi Roy, nice to meet you. No, it’s not too forward to ask although it’s a bit complicated and I like to maintain some privacy in the matter. Very briefly, and it is much more complicated than this, back in 2000 I endeavored on a new career path which required that I get more education which I did at some sacrifice to my then young family. I interned and was offered a position where I interned. I was happy there, but saw the opportunity for growth in another nearby organization. Being that I was happy, I prayed and fasted quite fervently to know if I should follow those promptings and received what I believed was an overwhelming positive response. I compare it to the same feeling I had when I was taught the first discussion, at my subsequent baptism, at my temple sealing, and other very spiritual times. I felt it really was that profound.

I got the other job handily – I was by far the most qualified candidate. Because this is relevant to the story later, I’ll tell you now that my bishop was on the board of that organization but had nothing to do with my hiring – he was away at the time. This was a management position, but what I didn’t know was that there was someone else in house that this organization was grooming for the position and I was a place holder for him while he got the education he needed. He was, in fact, my assistant. In retrospect I realize every other key player, including the bishop, knew this. Two years later he was ready and I was fired, and even though this was a major blow, I was OK with it – God wanted me to do this, so there must be a purpose and he must have a way out of it for me. Long story short, he didn’t. My career had ended. I had been betrayed by the bishop, who was also my friend – I had been his counselor and served with him as counselors in another bishopric, and I had been betrayed by God. This is a very political industry, and things like this matter. I have not since found meaningful employment in the field.

Therein is the crisis of faith – I no longer knew what to believe. Had God really directed me there, knowing this would be the outcome? If he didn’t, and I misinterpreted the impressions and promptings, how do I know what is from God and what isn’t? Is the Book of Mormon really nor true? Is the church really not true? Can I not trust friends and leaders in the church? (The bishop’s answer when confronted, by the way, was “I’m sorry, I should have told you.”) Again, it’s more involved and complicated than this – it would take pages to fully describe all that happened. And I did not immediately stop going to church – I continued for over a year while all the time the questions grew more profound and expanded and the answers were becoming undeniable. I did not feel what I thought was the influence of the Holy Ghost anymore, and still don’t.

Family has been a whole different story. My wife, in fact, has not been very understanding and it has put a great deal of stress on our marriage and on our family. We don’t have discussions on the subject and have not in many years because she is argumentative toward the few new views I have shared – she is an unquestioning TBM. She does not know I am considering returning to church. So, things have not gone well over the years, and while my daughter (now grown) and sons regularly participated in church activities, I did not, although I do attend some social functions. I do not participate in family prayers, FHE (which we really don’t have), mealtime prayers, etc. I have not participated in the ordinations of my sons nor the baptism of the youngest – and frankly, I am hurt by that. The eldest son is preparing for a mission and will be going to the temple soon, I will not be participating.

I still have lots of things to sort out and rebuild as my faith.

Welcome. I am checking in in spots only and can’t type long comments, but I do want to welcome you.

Thank you, Ray. I did read your post about your father.I have lost my parents and know what it’s like. Please accept my heartfelt sympathies.

Therein is the crisis of faith – I no longer knew what to believe. Had God really directed me there, knowing this would be the outcome? If he didn’t, and I misinterpreted the impressions and promptings, how do I know what is from God and what isn’t? Is the Book of Mormon really nor true? Is the church really not true? Can I not trust friends and leaders in the church? (The bishop’s answer when confronted, by the way, was “I’m sorry, I should have told you.”) Again, it’s more involved and complicated than this – it would take pages to fully describe all that happened. And I did not immediately stop going to church – I continued for over a year while all the time the questions grew more profound and expanded and the answers were becoming undeniable. I did not feel what I thought was the influence of the Holy Ghost anymore, and still don’t.

Glad you found staylds, DarkJedi!

Part of the answer for me has been to simply ask fewer questions. I’ve stopped seeking to “feel the spirit” all the time. I know that sounds bad, and maybe it’s a phase, but it’s where my journey has me at the moment. My prayers are heavier on thanks, and lighter on direction-seeking. I have callings and think I actually serve more genuinely than before. But there’s a different quality to the whole thing now. I knew something was up when I realized that I (I’d always been on the emotional side at church) hadn’t shed a tear for a year. And I’m fine with that. I guess what I’m saying is that looking back, I don’t know what was from God and what wasn’t, but I feel like I know better going forward how to tell the difference. Still not perfectly, but better.

Dark Jedi, I’m on lds.net too. Though intermittently. Same user name. It was actually a fellow called Snow over there who helped me see that same sex marriage under the law is separate from one’s religious beliefs about such marriages. Good guy, I miss him and wish I had an email address. Alas.

I find it interesting that you are making the assumption that you would have been happy at your previous job and still there. Perhaps that’s not at all what would have happened.

I know that prayer works. In one of the darkest times of my life I prayed daily. My husband wanted a divorce which turned a two year separation during which time we reconciled and got back together. I prayed to be calm of heart and clear of mind. To know what to do for my husband and when and how to do what’s needed. To know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and when to be silent. This is not to say I did not have times where I fell apart, I did. But it happened less frequently after two weeks of not being able to eat (it was a good day to eat half a health bar). There were times where I just wanted to lambaste him in reaction to my pain, but these prayers kept me in check and helped me to remember that he was hurting too.

In a blessing that I gave to my daughter, she was told the following, “do not pray for conveniences.” We were both surprised by that one. What is interesting, upon sudden reflection as I type this, is that the prayers I offered during my time of tribulation with my husband were anything but convenient. It took a lot of hard work and mindfulness. It totally would’ve been easier to divorce him, mourn a little bit, and then find someone to marry in the Temple (my husband is not Mormon). But that’s not at all what God wanted me to do.

It seems that God does not want us to have easy lives but to have lives full of reciprocal blessings.