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I attended a Ward Fall Festival (Hallowe’en Party) last night. I’ve been attending these things for years , and usually go attend sort of neutral about them. This time, I came away wondering why I go, other than for my family.
I tried talking to a group of people to get to know them, and I found they would normally give me one word, or short answers – even when I asked open-ended, innocuous questions like “How do you like living in [insert town]” etcetera or asking simple questions about things we have in common.
I realized that small talk really is not meaningful to me. — particularly since they were not really interested. I would then move on to other people, who would give roughly the same answer – except a couple Ward leaders who went out of their way to talk to me (actually, only 1 — the other once came over to assess our progress in getting our records into this Ward we are attending ‘illegally’ for 2 seconds).
The only value I saw in it was that my son and his friends and my daughter had fun, and so did my wife. So, that part was good….
What do you enjoy about these kinds of social experiences? Perhaps there are features I might enjoy if I look harder for them?
I have to be in the right mood for social events, frankly. When I am in the proper mindset I do enjoy them. I also generally find small talk a useless waste of time, but if it does lead to some meaningful social interaction then I tolerate it. I can also sometimes be happy being a wallflower and observing people, knowing that my family is enjoying themselves. Other times I would rather stay home and read a good book, watch TV or a movie, or surf the web. If I’d rather be home, even if it’s alone, no amount of social interaction will usually change that. I go to help others be happy there – and because my wife and kids really enjoy them. I also like free food. Just saying.
It is difficult to talk to people who give you one word answers. Kind of annoying too, if you are trying to be friendly and start converstaion. I’d chalk it up to lack of social skills on their part, or preoccupation with themselves, and move on. They can be lonely places to be if people aren’t friendly. I’m glad you got one person who actually spent some time talking with you. I went to ours last night. I mostly went to see the little kids’ costumes and hand out candy. Then I usually spend time with people that look a little left out, and then visit with the few more liberal people from the ward. That way I feel like I am staying involved, and helping someone else who might feel like the odd person out. The food is a good thing too.
Maybe I’m strange — any time someone tries to make conversation with me I always try to reciprocate….I’m thinking my next best alternative is to show up later in the evening. Use the time I save for other enjoyable activities — like posting on StayLDS where people normally respond when you initiate a conversation 😆 I’ve always found it bizarre our church celebrates Halloween, let alone using it for socials. Just sayin’. SamBee wrote:I’ve always found it bizarre our church celebrates Halloween, let alone using it for socials. Just sayin’.
As a participant in multiple churches, I dislike when they try to compete with Halloween. When they schedule it (the non-Halloween social) on Halloween night I feel like they are trying to make me choose. Don’t be offended when I don’t have time to show up.
Old-Timer wrote:I go to help others be happy there – and because my wife and kids really enjoy them.
I also like free food. Just saying.
Once when we were between wards we attended both ward socials. Then we found out that volunteers from the other ward would be acting as servers. We got some hard looks and comments but still had fun. Free food.
I usually find that there is a divide at these socials between the core active church members and the inactive/non-members that come for the food and the fun. I personally find that the inactives/non-members are much more social and fun to talk to – especially once they discover that you don’t have any expectations or ulterior motives for talking to them.
SamBee wrote:I’ve always found it bizarre our church celebrates Halloween, let alone using it for socials. Just sayin’.
I don’t think the church does celebrate Halloween. I know the holiday has its roots in Catholicism, but I think most people do not in any way associate it with religion – much like Valentine’s Day (when our stake holds a “sweetheart dance”). There is nothing wrong with a secular celebration of the holiday and there is nowhere in scripture, church policy, or GA talks that say we shouldn’t. Halloween is a fun holiday, especially for kids. I see nothing wrong with wards sponsoring Halloween parties. I also agree with Roy that I don’t like when an organization tries to compete with the holiday by scheduling on Halloween night. Our ward’s party was last Friday. We live in a very small rural town, and kids from the surrounding countryside come in and trick-or-treat and we quite enjoy the evening as a social event. The idea we shouldn’t celebrate Halloween gives me the willies as I think back to those ward council discussions about Halloween and whether Santa should be at the ward Christmas party.
More on subject, I attended an event today (missionary farewell open house at the parents’ home) which set me back a bit. I was hit up to do a service project for someone I don’t know next Saturday (I didn’t commit) and I was was asked some probing questions by a member of my HP group who I don’t know. I’ll probably give a miss to the next social event.
They call it a Fall Festival in our new Ward, to get away from the evil aspect. You know, you could have a saintly Fall Festival where you keep all the costumes, the candy, etcetera, but make the costumes non-goulish. Keep the pumpkins , the fall leaves, etcetera, and get rid of the scary stuff. Not to brag, but we had the most awesome ward Trunk or Treat yesterday. It was three wards in one, and there was a haunted house that was nearly professional quality – extremely scary! Clearly I’ve been to lame ward parties too, but this one happened to be really great. Lots of non-members, everyone very friendly and having fun. I find ward socials to be “hit or miss.” Our ward has a tradition of putting on fabulous, non-demoninational Christmas parties and they are very well attended and they always have excellent food and above average LDS musical talent (very carefully phrased wording there). Our Halloween parties are fun, too, because I get to let down my hair a little – as do others – and have some fun. The kids and the youth seem to really love the Halloween party – it’s just fun and not at all serious or doctrinal. The Christmas and Halloween parties are the most well attended and probably are a decent way to reach out in a very inclusive way. We’ve had Valentines dances which were not as fun and 4th of July parties which are a chore and which didn’t last long. Have had ward hikes and myriad other socials. I tend to think that occasions that naturally lend themselves to parties seem to be most enjoyable.
I’m usually glad my wards have socials – my wife always teases me that I go grumpy and resentful that I’m losing 2 hours of time but leave the ward socials happier and glad that I went. I’m introverted by default and sometimes struggle with chit chat but objectively ward socials are probably good for me.
Hawk, it helps when you go dressed as a communist dictator. Just sayin’. Completely jealous you get to have Halloween parties. We must be more righteous this way….we do not celebrate “darkness and the devil”. What are all of you thinking! My husband and I took it upon ourselves to start a neighborhood Trunk or Treat and invite all the ward for the last few years. Low key and the best ward social of the year.The best part has been the bishopric boycotting it. The first year our SP (he is in our ward) came as Shrek and his wife Fiona. Good times!
The rest are sadly all about “tradition” and we don’t get to try new stuff.
1: I don’t like spook alleys at church functions. That sends the wrong message, in my opinion. 2: I don’t like to get to know someone while eating and shouting across the big round table to be heard. Either I talk with food in my mouth (and risk projectiles or food in my teeth), or I simply don’t eat.
3: With little kids, I’m more of a baby wrangler than a socialite and that keeps me from “wanting” to attend, but I go b/c my kids need the interactions and “fun”.
SilentDawning wrote:What do you enjoy about these kinds of social experiences? Perhaps there are features I might enjoy if I look harder for them?
On a good day, what I enjoy about ward socials is seeing everyone outside of the Sunday setting, straight from school and work. We tend to be more relaxed and real. Sometimes the entertainment or the game are eye-openers – you learn “things you never knew you never knew.” Can be very fun!
On a bad day, they’re somewhat lacking aesthetically and ill-timed. In spite of years of talking about not over-burdening families, and maybe
becausethey say meetings are notto be used for calendaring, we end up with terrible scheduling sometimes, particularly when you lay the stake calendar over the ward’s.
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