How the h@ll do I respond to this?

*SIGH*

Honestly, some people just don’t get it in situations like this. They see the world the way they see the world, and it’s impossible for them to understand anything different. They sincerely want to help, but they have no freaking clue how to do so – and they don’t understand when their efforts don’t work, so they blame the person whose help they butchered. It’s incredibly frustrating, and it’s the negative side of the local leadership structure of the Church.

Frankly, I probably would call Sally in advance and let her know that you and the YW Pres have been asked to visit her. I would tell her that you are agreeing so that you can be the right buffer for her, to keep it from being totally awkward and obnoxious, since they will send someone else if you don’t go. I would say something similar to what I said above – that the leadership cares but just doesn’t have a clue. I would ask her to go along with the visit just to keep the peace and give some generic response to whatever the YW Pres asks. Then I would show up, chat as vaguely as possible, whisper a “Thanks” into her ear as you leave and continue your friendships with her.

I have already been called into his office once for “questioning priesthood authority”. I have told him I didn’t feel comfortable sending missionaries to my non-member neighbors. He is putting me in my place as he sees it. I don’t feel guilt anymore though. I let that go a few years ago. I am just trying to stay myself in the ward. I feel like a fish swimming the opposite way of 400 though.

Honestly the guy is so unsure of himself that he can’t remember what he said the week before. There is not talking to him and he defers to his counselor who is “in charge” of me whenever I ask a question of any kind. The two of them just feed off each others awesome opportunity to sit in front and preside over meetings. This is what they see as inspiring though and find testimony in. Those are quotes…not making that up. They are trying to do the best they can, it is just shocking to me that they are really that clueless.

I am not in a very good spot regarding my anger and I know I bring contention when I see them. I have been crapped on enough and not afraid to share my feelings. They both know that. I do credit StayLDS for helping say things in an appropriate, less angry way. I am working on distancing myself from them…getting released. What I feel so sad about is how many people they offend and these are REALLY good people. I had tried to be a help where I could as I feel like I understand some of these concerns more than the mainstream.

Does your Stake President know about the general situation and how many people are being hurt? Does the High Council representative for your ward know? Does anyone at the stake level know to whom the SP would listen?

I know the issues in the general area where you live are . . . extensive, so I’m just asking if there might be someone else who can take the concern to the next level above your Bishop.

The Bishop is fairly new. The SP is a good man and would understand what I am saying. He seems not to want to interfere. He also only has my view, the Bishop would have a very different view. I also think that he would probably just talk to the Bishop and it would go in one ear and come out an entirely different thing. I actually had a really weird opportunity to share with the SP an issue and he did understand what I was saying, but also told me that I may need to “train” these leaders and be patient.

Our HC rep is a very, very good man. I have worked with him through my calling. He is in charge of primary. He has seen some things happen, but both the last Bishop and the current are very good at keeping things under control in the meeting he is in. They both then email or text instructions out of the meeting. I have had the HC back me up multiple times in a meeting and the Bishop says-good point. Not to me but to whatever was said by the HC. The SP wife gets our wacky ward, she lives in it. I can’t decide if he just thinks I am over emotional or exaggerate or completely disagrees. I am not sure who else to even say stuff to. I know several other WC members feel similar, but they don’t back me up until after the meeting. Everyone thinks I am just burnt out, which I guess I am, but I have been saying the same stuff for 3 years now.

Currently the WC does “Rescue” work every week. Different members of the WC go out in 2’s, each assigned a week and once a month the entire group. The Bishop assigns who goes where and what they would like discussed. All of this in on paper, no discussion about who goes where. This is what actually pushed me over the edge to ask for a release. I am all about chatting with people and get a long with most, but I won’t go “challenge” anyone or trick them with missionaries. I will respect their feelings and visit if they want. I also do this as part of my own calling in a casual, comfortable way. The “Rescue” was taught by our area authority and the Bishop takes this as prophecy and knows that nothing can stop us, only our lack of faith. Which I obviously have regarding this.

Sally has already said she doesn’t need visits to the Bishopric. She seriously has probably had 5 or 6 in the last 2 months. She even fed the missionaries and got a discussion. This is the 3rd friend/person that has asked me “WTH” and wondered if I could do anything. Back off is not in the vocabulary. The YW pres is a completely oppressed woman whose husband was the former bishop and she has learned in the last 20 years to be “presided” over in every sense of the word. The other person I get to visit with is the RS pres, who told me after a similar discussion that I should really just do what the Bishop says, “he is inspired”.

Ray…extensive is not a big enough word. I sit in meetings and wonder…where am I and did they just say that.

This answer may not fit, but maybe it can help. I lived in a Stake that had 18 years of dictatorial, twisted leadership. I won’t go into details, only that from the moment we walked in we knew something was wrong. As I lived and served in the stake, I heard the mountains of hurt and complaints – no meeting was free from harm. However, I did begin to see something else – people bonding together. One by one, members covered members, wiped their tears, held their hearts and silently supported the needs. There was no other way.

As I came up the ranks in leadership and sat at the table with these men, I learned a lot about them, their weaknesses and so on. Much like you know. What I also saw were the personal saviors among the members. You maybe that savior. Not just for Sally, but others. You alone can’t stop it, but your efforts maybe a balm you will never understand.

You may the Uchtdorf for this group. Though not as loud or visible. Your covenants are with God and Jesus Christ – Keep working with them – I sense you are doing much good in the world.

If you know for sure that Sally does not want to be rescued right now I would just plan and simply tell the bishop that. Just tell him to back off because he is doing more harm than good. Leader don’t need yes men, they need honesty. Just my 2 cents.

If you know for sure that Sally does not want to be rescued right now I would just plan and simply tell the bishop that. Just tell him to back off because he is doing more harm than good. Leader don’t need yes men, they need honesty. Just my 2 cents.

This.

Do what is right, and let the consequences follow.

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Better yet, have Sally tell them. I’ve never had any reservation about saying I didn’t want to be a project or someone’s assigned friend. Maybe Sally needs to make it clear where she stands.