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I have been spending some time in the Bible and came across Paul’s plea for charity and… As of late, I’ve noticed something a little disturbing…I’m just now realizing this and some of you will nod your head and say, “Welcome to the party.”
🙂 Members of our church are the most judgmental, opinionated, condescending group of people I’ve ever met.
We pay our tithing, we give to the poor, we do our VTing and HTing, but doggonit if we don’t talk smack about our ward family after Sunday services. We dodge the RS phone calls for compassionate service.
I’ve talked with a few other moms who approached me with their similar observations…we would all much rather be friends and associate with people outside of our faith than to hang out with members of our faith. Crazy?
Non-members just don’t seem to judge (or if they do, we don’t hear about it).
In my experience, non-members seem to be way more willing to give of themselves than we do (church-related callings not considered) and they seem happy to do it.
I belong to an online LDS homeschool group and let me tell you…some of these women are just downright mean and snarky…and not at all helpful. A question can be posed to the group and immediately 30 other moms will respond with their opinions…and will then battle it out b/c THEY are right and no one else is.
:crazy: I’m also part of a homeschool group of just regular people and the same question can be posed in that group and the responses are positive, encouraging, uplifting and enjoyable to read.
It’s like social media has brought out a weird breed of Mormons…and I am wondering…
What is wrong with us?
Seriously. I want to know what the answer is, because as it stands now, I’m not at all interested in continuing my associations with the LDS moms/dads that I currently have in my circle…I’m tempted to start joining other religious-based groups to see how they fare with common discussion.
I mean, I feel like I have more in common with non-members than I do with members.
SO weird.
I’m feeling like I can find my true religion outside of church than inside of church.
I think part of the reason is that members come to the social table with the same set of “rules”, but we all interpret the rules differently and when we see someone who is not living by “our” definition of the rules, we bristle.
Another part is that nonmembers don’t have any preconceived expectations when we interact.
When we meet new members of the church, we instantly do the “calling-size-up”…what was their most prominent calling? What is their calling now?
Is it even possible to be united with charity? I mean, really, really possible?
Perhaps the answer is that I can only work on myself, but now I gotta find the place to do just that.
But how did our social interactions become so … convoluted?
I’m posting this question here b/c to date, this group has proven to be a group of thinkers…a group of helpers…just a nice group.
Thanks!
Frankly, it varies radically depending on location and leadership. It also is less of an issue, in general terms, outside of the areas where there are large concentrations of members. Finally, it’s not unique or worse in Mormonism than it is in other religions; we just don’t see the “internal bickering” that goes on in other denominations and congregations. I agree it is a serious issue we face in the Church, and I’m not trying to deny or belittle it. I just have seen enough in other circles, often fairly intimately, to know that we are not worse than others, generally speaking, in this area.
Also, just to say it, homeschooling boards are notorious for not being exactly charitable places – and unmoderated public discussion brings out the crazies at all extremes. Ironically, I posted about exactly that issue on my personal blog this morning before reading your post.
😯 If you are interested:“
My Biggest Problem with Homeschooling: Rhetoric” ( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-biggest-problem-with-homeschooling.html The OP is a great question, the problem you present, in my own experience, is universal. My life has had the fortune of being enmeshed in other religious and non-religious cultures. Much like marriage – when you are beginning a relationship with other members of religions or groups, they can feel and appear very charitable. Kind, full of grace, etc. However after 4 decades of earth life – No one comes close to Paul’s charity. It is a beautiful marker and milestone wish, but dang it, people get in the way. I have seen it full flame – charity rejection by LDS people, Evangelical people, homeschool people, Catholics and athiests.
Every human being has a vision for what the “right” or “perfect” world looks like, we spend a lifetime hunting for community and socialization that supports our view. Likewise, we reject, often boldly, anything that mars that view. It’s why one ward is more fun than another – you just mesh better with the souls around you.
For me I know the biggest disappointments come when people or organizations I expect to be better at living some principle, totally unravel in that area. I get so angry, defensive. I become this roaring lion. I hunt for a place where my world exists, I think I found it, I drop in, get going and shoot – here it comes it again, the failed human side. The hardest place to see it is in your religion. It just bites when it rears it’s ugly head.
Have a good scream, it helps. Then read Paul again – and decide if you want to be an example of a believer. It won’t be easy, but you never know – someone has to start the snowball rolling. Good luck.
Just something to consider (an educational exercise, if you will, or thought experiment), not pointed at you, necessarily, but more as a result of the opportunity to make a point: 
Try to put yourself in someone’s shoes (a good person at heart) who is trying to do the best they can but struggling with things in their own life who reads your post and knows or feels you are talking about them.
How charitable do you think it would sound to that person?There are real, serious issues with which we need to grapple, and you have identified a number of them. Charity is a major one, since we are told that without it we are nothing.
A participant here years ago made a comment when we were talking about cultish practices in the Church. It has stuck with me ever since, and it is how I try FIRST to examine questions like the one you posed in the title. That question is:
Quote:Lord, is it I?
There is a lot of power in that question, and I have found that considering it deeply and seriously has done more for my ability to cope and serve and make allowances than probably anything else I’ve internalized. Even when the issues continue, I have found that developing charity more fully in myself (particularly the aspect of suffering long and being kind) has resolved a lot of the effects of the issues within myself.
Great post! I agree that this is by no means a Mormon only problem but I do believe that our culture is a good fit for “Rules Nazis” and tends to bring out a little “Rules Nazi” side of even those that aren’t particularly pedantic by nature.
QuestionAbound wrote:I think part of the reason is that members come to the social table with the same set of “rules”, but we all interpret the rules differently and when we see someone who is not living by “our” definition of the rules, we bristle.
I agree! I believe it is all about
the rules.DW and I have been participating in a series by another Christian church. One of the recurring themes is that if God calls you to live a particular principle (such as not watching sports in general [for similarities to idolatry] or not watching sports on the Sabbath) – then it is important to step forward in faith with that principle. God may not call your neighbor to live that particular principle at this time for various reasons (mostly geared towards where they are in their particular “walk with Christ”).
This was really frustrating to DW because she saw it as being wishy-washy.
I believe a principle advantage for having clear community standards is that it compels people to comply with the standards in order to be fully accepted. This might motivate someone to make important changes in their life that they might not have otherwise had the incentive to change. Unfortunately, once a person has met the community standards they may feel that they have “arrived” and be judgmental to others that do not comply with community norms.
OTOH, I believe that being accepting of a variety of personal standards (always with the qualifier that we hope that all are improving in their walk rather than remaining stagnant or retrogressing) also has some great benefits. One is that it would allow everyone to work at their own pace. Another and somewhat related is that new indoctrinates would not need to follow everything from the beginning. People that might otherwise find the WoW as a barrier to membership could join and benefit from membership while working to rid themselves of bad habits (even if never fully accomplished in this life). This stance might also help smooth over hurdles in the way the church is viewed by non-members. Imagine what my reaction might have been if I found out that their church leaders had received a revelation that forbade/prevented them from watching professional sports.
😮 😯 So yes, I believe that clear, universal, and somewhat onerous community standards can inhibit charity and foster judgmentalism.
QuestionAbound wrote:Members of our church are the most judgmental, opinionated, condescending group of people I’ve ever met.
. . . . .
Seriously. I want to know what the answer is, because as it stands now, I’m not at all interested in continuing my associations with the LDS moms/dads that I currently have in my circle…I’m tempted to start joining other religious-based groups to see how they fare with common discussion.
I hate to say it, but if you went into the belly of the beast in any other religion with hardline doctrines and health/dress codes, you would probably find this, too. Or, at least, you would have found it in times gone by.
I’d try finding other LDS people. Maybe easier said than done. I’m also trying to be more honest with people. Some people are looking for a break, an “opening” to be different themselves. When you don’t subscribe to the conformity, judgmentalism and intemperateness of the group, you might find those looking for a kindred spirit before they move in a more charitable direction themselves. Misery loves company, but Goodness still wants company, too.
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