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Perhaps sister Hilton should read her own writings? She wrote this article less than a year ago. Thanks sister Hilton. This is probably what the mormon prophets would expect from an RSP?
ARE YOU MORE JUDGEMENTAL THAN YOU THINK
By, Joni Hilton
The snap judgment. We’ve all done it. We see a person, take in their appearance and body language, size them up and draw conclusions. We may yet treat them well, but we’ve made assumptions.
Experts say that within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone, we judge their social position, heritage, education level, economic level, success level, moral character, and trustworthiness. Wow.In college on the first day of class, lots of professors like to conduct “getting to know you” exercises.
In one class I remember we were paired up with whoever sat beside us and, without speaking, we were to fill out a form about this new stranger, answering questions based solely upon their appearance. What car did this person likely drive? What kinds of grades did they get? Were they a party person? Were they hard-working or lazy?
It was enlightening to discover the signals we send and the way we came across to others. I remember being appalled—and incensed– at how, well, stupid I came across. The guy next to me guessed me for a rich party girl with average grades. A shallow, spoiled, dingbat.
Okay, he didn’t use those words, but that was the gist. Was that really how I looked? In truth I was not rich, despised parties for the most part, and was an A student. Picture a blend of Harry Potter’s friend Hermione, and Anne of Green Gables. But apparently you would not have known that by looking at me.
At my last book club meeting the women were chuckling about how funny it would be to label the pews and see who sat there. “Full tithe payers” on a row up front, for example. Can’t you just see it? One row could say, “Weary moms,” one could say, “Temple-goers,” one could say, “Just here for social reasons.” One pew could say, “Hypocrites.” One could say, “Phonies.” What a riot. Imagine everyone trying to crowd into the row they wanted, whether it was a true description of them or not. (I think you might need several rows for weary moms.)
And yet, that’s sometimes how we size people up. With one glance! We don’t like it when someone makes presumptions about us—especially on one of our worst days—yet, as humans, we do it to others all the time.
Some judging is righteous; it helps us avoid criminals and other dangerous people. Our hunches, based on subconscious warnings, often keep us safe. When we get a bad feeling about someone, it can even be the Spirit whispering to us to leave immediately for our own good. Even the scriptures tell us to judge righteously. But what about the times when it has nothing to do with self-preservation, and we’re merely being snippy or snobby?
Have you ever seen someone at church who doesn’t fit the mold? Surprise! There is no mold and if there were, none of us would fit it. But I mean someone who is terribly unkempt, not wearing church attire, and smelling of booze or tobacco? Maybe they’re missing a few teeth, maybe their clothes are dirty. I’ve watched some members back away from such people, a mixture of fear and disdain in their eyes. But then I’ve watched other members rush up to embrace the new visitor, looking past their exterior and trying to greet them as Christ would if he were there.
Church is not an exclusive club. This is not a place to show off, form cliques, or sniff at people you think are inferior. You want the great and spacious building for that. This church is one of open arms, repentance, love, and mercy. This is where we come because we know we are lacking and we cannot get home without Christ’s atonement.
Not one of us is better than the next, not one of us is right to judge based on outward appearances. I once heard that a bishop said, “If our chapel doesn’t smell of tobacco, we’re not doing our job.” We should be gathering in all the people who are struggling and bring them to the best clinic where they can drink from living waters. Our pews should be a welcome refuge for anyone who wants a better life, who wants to come back to Heavenly Father again. And a humble person, scraping by and striving to overcome his demons, is actually further up the ladder than the elitist member looking down their nose at him.
Next time you’re in line at the market, or pumping gas, or in the workplace, notice the people around you and the quick conclusions you’re tempted to draw. Catch yourself judging unfairly and rewind the tape. Instead, see this person as a child of God who is loved and hoped for. Know that a Patriarchal Blessing awaits this person. Realize they cheered in the Pre-mortal World when they heard the Plan of Happiness. Ask a silent prayer to see if your path was meant to cross theirs today, to help them and bring them the truth.
And what of our own appearances? How would a stranger size us up—as someone friendly or standoffish? Are we dressed modestly? Do we project indifference or warmth? Do we look like slaves to the latest fashions? Do we look clean? Moral? Do we look like disciples of Christ? Maybe it’s time to assess the way we come across, and make adjustments in the signals we send. It might be good to remember that while we are looking around and judging others, someone might be watching and judging us as well.
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Thank you for this article. I had a horrible response to her last one. I was doubly upset when her bio stated she’d written a bunch of books and articles. I am past the anger now but this helps the band-aid stay on a bit better. If this article is closer to her true feelings – I may even forget the first article – and blame her explosion on PMS.
Thanks cwald.
mom3 wrote:Thank you for this article. I had a horrible response to her last one. I was doubly upset when her bio stated she’d written a bunch of books and articles.
I am past the anger now but this helps the band-aid stay on a bit better. If this article is closer to her true feelings – I may even forget the first article – and blame her explosion on PMS.
Thanks cwald.
Well, to be honest, I posted several of her articles on NOM…and they are not , well, stayLDS promoting.
NOT GOOD.
This was the exception…
It was not PMS…I think she actually was just having a rare Uchdtdorfian moment when she wrote this earlier gem.
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Honestly, if I wanted to pick apart things that one individual has said over the years that are not in line with how I see the Gospel, I probably could start with myself and have plenty of material. Just saying.
[ Admin note: There is nothing uplifting or edifying in prolonging the castigation of Sister Hilton. At some point, and we are just about there, it turns into personal persecution – and we would be howling about it if anyone was pulling things we have posted here and doing it to us. Let’s let this end. No more posts about Sister Hilton. This one is staying in place, simply because she was right in what she said and because it exposes perfectly the absurdity of the original one that caused the uproar. Let’s let this one be the last one.]
Old-Timer wrote:Honestly, if I wanted to pick apart things that one individual has said over the years that are not in line with how I see the Gospel, I probably could start with myself and have plenty of material.
Just saying.
I could do the same for myself Ray.
And I know what you are actually, really are saying….
Question…how will this sickness end if we cannot talk about it and discuss it without being “accused” of bring “uncharitable” to the “uncharitable?”
Should we just forget this ever happened? Pretend all is well in Zion?
If we do…how long until it happens again, and drives more people out of the church?
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IOW…Ray…what would you recommend staylds do and say about this article and this RSP? Serious question. You have the floor and my attention.
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Quote:Question…how will this sickness end if we cannot talk about it and discuss it without being “accused” of bring “uncharitable” to the “uncharitable?”
Should we just forget this ever happened? Pretend all is well in Zion?
I never said anything like that, and I never implied it.
Quote:I know what you are actually, really are saying….
I meant exactly what I said. I wasn’t being obtuse. I’ve written some pretty stupid things in my life, from my current vantage point.
We can talk about this – and even about her. We have a post and a thread dedicated to exactly that – in the context of her article that caused this current uproar. We also now have this one, which I left open specifically because it addresses a new topic (one she got right) and is worth discussing here. We now have plenty of opportunity and dedicated space to talk about her and what she said. Therefore, let’s keep it confined to those two threads.
What I said is that we don’t need to have multiple posts and threads dedicated to her – or a thread that is dedicated solely to trashing her (which this post didn’t do, solely). This site is not about ripping any individual apart and heaping scorn. It’s about helping us not only stay LDS but be better people in the process. I prefer mercy in this case – meaning that we recognize and discuss the issue(s) but do so in a way that includes “forbearance to inflict any harm” that is not necessary, even when it might be deserved. We can reject what she said, and we can talk about why we feel how we do, but it has to be in accordance with our mission – and that mission does not include crucifying anyone, for any reason.
Again, we have the space to discuss what she wrote and how we can deal with it. Let’s keep that discussion confined to these two threads.
Okay. Has sister Hilton retracted or apologized for her article this week…specifically calling out liberal, or “casual” Mormonsm
She is very influential…weekly articles on a Mormon magazine and published 20 books.
Has she retracted or apologized for the damage she did to the church?
Should she apologize?
From the article I just posted…she obviously knows she erred…and is in the wrong. Yes?
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PS…it’s 1 AM in your world Ray. Why you still up? Go to bed. 
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Quote:Has sister Hilton retracted or apologized for her article this week…specifically calling out liberal, or “casual” Mormonism.
I don’t think so, but I don’t know. Her article has been pulled, so I’m positive she knows about the severe backlash. It’s also still early, so we’ll see, but I’m not counting on it.
Quote:She is very influential…weekly articles on a Mormon magazine and published 20 books.
“Very influential”? Relatively few people read Meridian regularly, and I have no idea how many copies of her books have been purchased – or even what the content is. I know I’ve never heard her name until this brewhaha. More influential than she should be? Based on what little I know, probably.
Quote:Has she retracted or apologized for the damage she did to the church?
I don’t think so, but I don’t know.
Quote:Should she apologize?
Absolutely, but I’m not holding my breath or basing any degree of my happiness on it.
Quote:From the article I just posted…she obviously knows she erred…and is in the wrong. Yes?
Maybe. She should know, especially given the response, but she might be blind to her own hypocrisy. Most of us are.
Also, I’m in Pacific Time, same as you.
Okay…on all accounts. Pacific time zone? Really? Well welcome to my world.
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Quote:Have you ever seen someone at church who doesn’t fit the mold? Surprise! There is no mold and if there were, none of us would fit it.
But I mean someone who is terribly unkempt, not wearing church attire, and smelling of booze or tobacco? Maybe they’re missing a few teeth, maybe their clothes are dirty. I’ve watched some members back away from such people, a mixture of fear and disdain in their eyes. But then I’ve watched other members rush up to embrace the new visitor, looking past their exterior and trying to greet them as Christ would if he were there. Church is not an exclusive club. This is not a place to show off, form cliques, or sniff at people you think are inferior. You want the great and spacious building for that. This church is one of open arms, repentance, love, and mercy. This is where we come because we know we are lacking and we cannot get home without Christ’s atonement.
Not one of us is better than the next,
not one of us is right to judge based on outward appearances. I once heard that a bishop said, “If our chapel doesn’t smell of tobacco, we’re not doing our job.” We should be gathering in all the people who are struggling and bring them to the best clinic where they can drink from living waters. Our pews should be a welcome refuge for anyone who wants a better life, who wants to come back to Heavenly Father again. And a humble person, scraping by and striving to overcome his demons, is actually further up the ladder than the elitist member looking down their nose at him. Next time you’re in line at the market, or pumping gas, or in the workplace, notice the people around you and the quick conclusions you’re tempted to draw. Catch yourself judging unfairly and rewind the tape. Instead, see this person as a child of God who is loved and hoped for. Know that
a Patriarchal Blessing awaits this person. Realize they cheered in the Pre-mortal World when they heard the Plan of Happiness. Ask a silent prayer to see if your path was meant to cross theirs today, to help them and bring them the truth. And what of our own appearances? How would a stranger size us up—as someone friendly or standoffish? Are we dressed modestly? Do we project indifference or warmth? Do we look like slaves to the latest fashions? Do we look clean? Moral? Do we look like disciples of Christ? Maybe it’s time to assess the way we come across, and make adjustments in the signals we send. It might be good to remember that while we are looking around and judging others, someone might be watching and judging us as well.
I actually can see how this article is internally consistent with her latest. I love the invitation not to be judgmental but it seems to be mostly focused towards people not of our faith (notice that we might “bring them the truth”) and outward appearances. I hypothesize that she may see differences between rejecting the unwashed huddled masses that have never before heard of the pure gospel message and exposing those she might consider people that look and act much like any other latter day saint but that are different in significant and potentially dangerous ways.
Quote:At my last book club meeting the women were chuckling about how funny it would be to label the pews and see who sat there. “Full tithe payers” on a row up front, for example. Can’t you just see it? One row could say, “Weary moms,” one could say, “Temple-goers,” one could say, “Just here for social reasons.” One pew could say, “Hypocrites.” One could say, “Phonies.” What a riot. Imagine everyone trying to crowd into the row they wanted, whether it was a true description of them or not. (I think you might need several rows for weary moms.)
Perhaps I am reading to much into this but I find it interesting that of the six proposed categories, the three that are labeled first are good and praiseworthy – whereas the three that are listed last are not. I believe that when the lens is turned toward the membership the author sees the dividing line between those that are there for the “right reasons” and those that are not, between the ideal and the posers.
I actually think this makes sense from a certain perspective. I believe the author is genuinely concerned about people and would wish nothing more than that they could all find the joy that she has found in the gospel. In this article she repudiates those that would reject people that are trying to “enter into the gate” that lead to eternal happiness.
In her latest article I believe that she is simply repudiating those that she sees as distorting and perverting the gate so as to create obstacles for others that may be seeking for the truth.
I really am not much troubled by Ms. Hilton’s perspective. She clearly is getting what she needs from the church (certainty) and more power to her in that quest. Even Jesus hinted at a division between “sheep” and “goats”, Ms. Hilton just draws the lines differently than I might. On the other hand, recent occurrences suggest her opinion might not be the majority opinion and that serves to remind me further at what a diverse church I belong to.
Excellent analysis, Roy. I usually read more carefully than I did with this one, and I think are right – that her charity extends outward and not internally within the Church.
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