Sticky situation…need help articulating thoughts

Be a good Visiting Teacher by providing what she needs and wants. Period. Tell your leaders that you are happy to visit with her and will do your best to share the Gospel with her, then report back to your VT Coordinator or RS President that she is doing well, accepting your visits but has no desire whatsoever to come back to church right now. Tell them that she is grateful you are her Visiting Teacher. Tell them that you will continue to visit her and will let them know if that changes in the future. Ask them to let you be her Visiting Teacher for as long as it takes – knowing it might not ever happen but that you are better for her than someone else. If the assignment changes at some point, keep visiting her regularly simply as a friend.

Ray put it perfectly. I’m glad they got it right by assigning her to you and not someone who would be insensitive to her needs and situation.

I agree with Ray and May.

Here is my situation…**and I stink at articulating my thoughts, so any help would be appreciated**

Now, what I need help with is … how do I tell the current ward leadership that she really is in a happy place without our church?

She sort of wants to be “left alone” as far as Mormon Church “stuff”. She isn’t antagonistic. She really does like visits, but wishes people would stop asking her when she is coming back to church. Her husband’s family are members of the church, so it’s not like she will be void of LDS contact (she is still very close to his family).

These may be things that I mention to the bishop to help him understand her “place” in life right now. In this case it feels more like a “spirit of the law” rather than the letter of the law.

Help?

I have always believed that being honest with leadership is the best way to go, so I would say it just like you did above. My experience is that local leaders have enough on their plates that if you “volunteer” to be the church’s influence they will gladly let you, this depends on the leader though and you know yours better than I do. Unfortunately, there will come a time when the leadership will change and you’ll go through all this again. I know of only two ways to get off the radar. (Death and resignation and I don’t recommend either, but the second may actually be a good option here.) Are there other friends you can enlist in case you are reassigned? Doing anything alone usually is very difficult. (One reason I am here.)

We have a sister in our ward who was baptized shortly before her husband passed away recently…as a way of showing God just how serious she was about keeping her husband alive (who had cancer).

There is something about negotiation in the steps of grief. I see it as perfectly natural that this woman might want to in a way put this Mormon God of modern miracles to the test. She was desperate.

I had my faith crisis in large part because I had built my faith on being blessed based upon my righteousness. It was quite a shock to digest that no amount of righteous living would prevent some catastrophes. I believe that the church teachings influenced my righteousness = blessings framework.

I do not know why your friend prefers her old church. It may be for social reasons. It may also be that her old church’s doctrines are more helpful to her in dealing with her loss. Why would anyone want to take that away from her?

I believe that those that would try are acting from their own needs (for the LDS plan of happiness to be the only way) more than for her benefit.

I am struggling with a lot of things too. But, I have also found that some leaders are on my same page. We recently moved in to a new ward. The bishop called us to be ward missionaries. I definitely did not want to be a missionary. He must have sensed that. His next words were, “I don’t want you out proselyting, I just want you to be friends with your neighbors.” I told him I could do that much. After all, I like being friendly to my neighbors.

That reminds me of this. Just be her friend. You can do more for the Lord by just being there. She is going to have to work out her own issues. Maybe she will want to remain LDS, maybe she won’t. Whatever she decides you need to still be her friend I believe.

I believe the gospel of Jesus Christ is about looking out for each other. I don’t believe it is about trying to make others believe the way we do.

I would happily drive her to her church if it meant that she was taking care of her family again.

That is true Visiting Teaching! :thumbup:

You should care for her personally, outside the programs of the church. Use the church programs for how it will help her…not fit her into the church programs. If some things don’t help her, she doesn’t need it. Don’t try to figure out how to make it work.

Inviting her is good if she wants it (missionary discussions, etc). If not, drop it.

I will still visit with her and we will find ways to sometimes make it a “teaching” visit and we will discuss gospel principles that we can both agree on.

She likes visits.

She doesn’t want to be “reconverted”

I think you can also remind yourself, no church is perfect. Whatever church she is going to now will have its own flaws too. So you should just do what you think will help her…and not more than what she needs.

And…as I’m sorting through this…WHY does it matter what church anyone goes to?

I’m not sure it does, except some churches have some things that others don’t, and that are good. Visiting teaching is a good thing. If she feels more love and support from your ward than other churches, she’ll return to it. If she feels more love and support from another church, why would anyone want her to choose to not go somewhere that it helpful for her?

I mean, if the point of the gospel is to live a Christ-centered life and to live as He would, can’t people do that in other religions?

Yep. Billions do.

What’s the point of belonging to “our” church that makes us a “shoe-in” for the Celestial Kingdom? That sounds so elitist, doesn’t it?

It can sound elitist, and it can be elitist if some people act on it wrongly. I don’t believe there are “shoe ins” for the CK. I think the objective is to become a good person…the next life will take care of itself. I believe our church helps people be good people, but no shoe-ins or guarantees on anything.

These may be things that I mention to the bishop to help him understand her “place” in life right now.

You may feel that is helpful. Or…you may realize the Bishop and RS are trying to do what they think is right, but you can be a VT and do it how you think is best based on knowing the individual needs, and consider their direction, but do it your way. I’m sure the bishop would benefit by knowing the needs of the individual, so sharing things is good. But you may need to be careful how you craft the info back to the bishop, and wrap the message in love of how you care about the individual’s needs.