Do I want to go down this path?

I think you won’t find peace until you seek and find your own path. I understand your concerns about what other members of your family may think, and the concerns are valid. But it’s not about them, it’s about you. I know that sounds selfish and/or self centered, nevertheless it is true. The Jewish leader/philosopher (and contemporary of Jesus) said: “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?” It’s deeper than it appears on the surface.

Start with the positives, with what you do believe, especially with your spouse. Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith (Pres. Uchtdorf). When you have investigated your doubts and understand them you will be in a better position to rebuild your faith.

I would echo what was said already, good advice.

It is hard when some things crash, but for me, being a life time member of the church, there were so many things that I can take for granted sometimes. Going slow, and working at one thing at a time, helps to focus my problems on just those things that cause me problems, and not throw out the good stuff I really do like in my life (there may be more of that than you realize some times).

It is good to stay balanced, and try to learn to not like some thing AND still like other things.

Joseph Smith made some serious mistakes AND he still was an instrument at times to bring some beautiful teachings to us.

I used to read things about the topic that bothered me, from sources outside the church for an outsider view of things, but on the same day also read the Book of Mormon or General Conference talks. I tried to keep it balanced, not over-react, and keep my emotional response (which was a justifiable response to things) in check with the logical thoughts that the church really was a good source of life lessons for most of my life too, and I did have some good experiences I didn’t want to rewrite and dismiss, but hold on to.

One of the most lovely things he told me was this: Each person’s relationship to and understanding of the divine is deeply personal. This must be discovered and interpreted for oneself.

He sounds amazing! Please cherish him.

I lost a son at birth, and have been reassured to think I’ll get to raise him someday. Am I throwing away my exaltation and that chance?

I am very sorry for your loss. Today my family is remembering the angel-versary of our daughter Emory. We will be donating hats and mittens to the maternity ward of our local hospital and releasing balloons into the sky. Losing her was the catalyst that kicked off my own faith crisis.

My story can be found here: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1937

I would love to hear about your experience and how losing your son impacted your faith journey. Was your faith comforting? Did you redouble your commitment to the faith afterwards? Did you go to a support group or read any books on the subject? How did you cope and grieve? Was your “style” of grieving different than your husband’s? Did this cause conflict?

I’ll also send you a PM if you would prefer to share in a less public setting.

Thank you,

Roy

I think there is a real great lesson from LadyEliza’s story.

Sometimes our fears are worse than reality.

I’m so happy you were able to have an open discussion, where it can show how your relationship is a safe place to grow. Thanks for sharing.

This thread has been such a pleasure to read! LadyEliza, I sympathize with you wholeheartedly and am so happy that your DH has been a support to you.

Right now, I’ve read just enough to know there are a lot of things I don’t know much about. These are all swirling around in my head without much research to back them up. At this point, I wonder what to do. Shelf everything and ignore it? That doesn’t seem intellectually honest.

I feel like I could have written this myself. It’s tough.

I have had similar thoughts…”Do I really want to change everything?” For years I said, “no,” but I just can’t shake the feeling anymore. I look at TBMs and think, “Man, I wish that we’re me, blissfully obeying and living without much thought for what I should or shouldn’t do.”

But at the same time, I feel so much more freedom having finally accepted my doubts and having forged the beginnings of my own beliefs. So it is hard to look back and think of the ease a TBM lifestyle gives (at least in the sense of fitting into church culture and “knowing” your salvation is assured if you’ve done XY&Z), but I am happy to not be holding up such a heavy load anymore.

I am so happy your husband is understanding. My husband is very understanding a well, and I count that as one of my greatest blessings. Working through these issues has definitely brought us closer together.

Ogie- I feel 100% the same way. I, too, look at TBM and wish I could go back to that blissful ignorance and simplicity. However, I agree with you in that there is something very refreshing about letting your brain do some thinking and deciding on its own. I no longer have to swallow down doctrines that were tough for me.

LadyEliza – I’ve been working through things very slowly for almost a year. My path has been rocky and painful and sometimes I find myself sobbing in despair, but I know that God hears the yearnings of my head, heart, and soul. Again, I’m so glad your husband is supporting you. Best wishes!