Feeling alone and lost

I’ve been there, and many others on this site. I still struggle all the time, but one thing that helps me is to focus on the things I do believe in. I consider myself agnostic, but I really like the teachings of Jesus in the Bible. Even if they were written by a person, they are still valuable to me. I can try to live those principles and help others as I go through life. If this is the only life we have, then I want to make is as good for as many people as I am able.

I still go to church because of my family and where I live. I even still have a calling teaching in primary of all places. I do feel like I am dishonest at times, but what I try to do there is to direct the lesson towards those things I agree with. For example, next weeks lesson is on the plan of salvation. I was worried with that topic at first, but the primary manual directed me to use the Gospel Essentials book, and they had a section in there about how we are all different, and our individual talents are important. I can use that to talk about the value of all people’s life experiences as being important and vital for them, and not judging others. So there are ways to get by at church. If a talk or lesson is hard to hear you can take a bathroom break, or let your mind wonder. It’s not ideal, but sometimes it’s all we can do.

Hang in there!

Is there anyone else out there who has felt like this? Any suggestions?

With some of the details changed – because I don’t know what brings you here – I imagine almost everyone here has felt lost and alone. And the early ones created this site, thank Heaven. I’m glad you’re reaching out and I can only tell you, as one who was devastated a year ago, that it gets better. Besides the fact that I can’t “go back” to the way things were before, I don’t want to.

I would also say to look into being evaluated for depression, if you’re predisposed to it. Take care of yourself physically, focus on the important stuff and common ground in your relationships.

I understand. Yes. Similar situation once upon a time.

It does get better.

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Thanks so much for all your kind words. It helps knowing I’m not the only one who is or has dealt with this. It’s been very difficult to process all my thoughts and feelings without being able to express them. I agree I need to address my depression issues with my doctor and get support that way. I lost my grandmother who was very dear to me before my faith crisis and the thought of never seeing her again creates a huge hole in my heart. My thoughts include questioning life after death, if there is a god, or even a savior. I once knew my purpose and really believed, but no longer have that comfort. I wish I could discuss these things with my husband now but it would only cause a rift. I did pose the question to him and asked if he would leave me if I no longer believed. He responded he would not leave me but our marriage is built on the teachings of the church which would make it difficult for him. He is a true believer and refuses to listen to anything negative about the church. I am glad this site is available. I will definitely need all the support i can get. Thanks again to all of you. It means so much.

As others have said, I have been where you are. I was there for many years until I found this site, also having a TBM spouse with whom I can’t discuss things. I, too, have survived by concentrating on what I do believe and core gospel principles (Jesus Christ as Savior, etc.). I do examine other areas I question frequently, and try to come to a place where I either can believe some of it or disbelieve it altogether (which has turned out to be rare). My best advice: keep coming here and be edified by the assurance that you are not alone and read the ideas and thoughts of others.

I don’t have anything new to add other than another number, another body to evidence that you are not alone.

What hit me the hardest was the loss of a sense of purpose.

Same here.

For me, my pain was magnified by holding it inside to protect others. I suffered debilitating depression until I got it out in the open.

I can echo this sentiment. Getting it out in the open was just a part of the healing process, finding new purpose was the other part. I’ve been depressed for many years. Finding a purpose, however small, has helped me out of depression. I’m not “cured” but I’ve certainly been happier over the last month and a half than I’ve been for a few decades. I think the specific purpose will be different for everyone, and unfortunately my experience was that it took time to find. The first and hardest step for me was realizing that life could still have a purpose.

I don’t feel like I can tell ward members my situation. I did tell friend and she didn’t get it. I feel like such a fake.

I don’t feel like I can tell ward members my situation either. The feeling is that the instant I do I’ll be relegated to a corner and ostracized. I won’t be allowed to serve people, which is becoming my new purpose. I’d rather that my new purpose not be taken away from me. At times I do feel like a fake or a sellout, but I try to shed those feelings. My purpose has to include that, help people be the best person that they want to be. If being the most devout, orthodox TBM there is helps someone to find happiness in life then I’ll help them achieve that.

Share with us your situation, hopefully we’ll get it.

My thoughts include questioning life after death, if there is a god, or even a savior. I once knew my purpose and really believed, but no longer have that comfort.

I still question all of those things and have largely lost that comfort. I like the message of the church though, it’s one of hope. My faith crisis helps me to read scriptures in a new light. In John chapter 6 Jesus starts to compare himself to manna and tells the people that they have to eat his flesh and drink his blood to have eternal life. We’ve had 2000 years to apply our interpretations… and the funny thing is that we we think we have it all figured out. At the time I’m assuming people thought Jesus was off his rocker. Imagine how his followers felt. For a moment forget all of our interpretations of eating his flesh and drinking his blood, that’s the reality his disciples at the time were working with. Imagine if some random person off the street went around saying stuff like that. It does sound insane doesn’t it? A lot of people stopped following Jesus for that reason. But:

From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

Makes me tear up every time I read it now. Gold plates, peep stones in hats, etc. It’s absolutely insane, but… but what? Although it feels strange to reconnect with the BoM, here I go:

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

The gospel makes for a nice story, a good desire to have that gives hope of a happy future. I may not believe but at times I desire to believe… and for the first time I see in that scripture that the end result isn’t necessarily a belief in something that wasn’t believed in before, it’s developing a way of believing that can “give place” for a portion of the words of eternal life. It’s hard to see at times but I hope I can move forward to regain that measure of comfort.