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I had an interesting experience at church on Sunday. Sitting in priesthood discussing the nature of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, a man gets up (I do not know him) and starts teaching us how to be saved like he was when he was 27. He went on for about 15 minutes. It was interesting to watch first as people listened and how the longer he went the more people turned off. Most importantly, the teacher, who I think handled it well, definitely had more that he would like to talk about. Ultimately the guy sat down with about 5 minutes left of class and the teacher tried to rush through what he had prepared. I have thought about this a lot for the last three days. The more I think about this more I have come to realize that while I frequently find the lessons at church mind numbing and down right boring, most teachers do try to present thought provoking and uplifting lessons.
The question I am struggling with is how do we participate without hi-jacking? Don’t get me wrong, some of the best lessons in memory are when the teacher just throws the manual out and referees a discussion, but in reality most of the time I have seen the manual thrown out turns into a mud pit. (Maybe this is one of those high risk high reward scenarios.)
I want to participate and share insights I have. I find that this connects me to group more and I get more out of the lessons when I do even when I don’t agree with the premise behind the lesson. But I don’t want the instructor’s lesson to become my lesson. (or about how to fix me
🙂 )Thoughts?
Note: this may have already been covered in another post, if it has I am sorry. I searched and didn’t find.
As a general rule, I also try really hard to listen to everyone and understand what they are saying – and why they might be saying it. I can’t understand fully, usually, but, at that moment, it’s more about what I don’t want to happen to me than about exactly what is being said. There are exceptions, just like with everything else, but I try to have charity be my default. As for how to interject constructive comments that are not orthodox, I try to remember that I need to be accepted as not a threat before people will accept what I say. If I contribute only contrary views – if I comment only when I disagree, people will tune me out just like the person you mentioned. That is true even if my comments take only 30 seconds or less. The minute I open my mouth, people’s minds will wander until I stop.
Also, basic psychology says that it takes about 5-8 positive comments to overcome one negative one in people’s memories. Therefore, I try to make at least a handful of non-controversial statements for every unorthodox statement – and much of that can be accomplished by nodding my head as someone speaks when I agree with them and silently mouthing thanks to them when they finish. That alone builds tremendous social capital.
Last time I taught GD, there was a guy that would regularly comment. I didn’t even know him outside of that context, but he was a real out-there dude. He’d often grab me after class and want to talk about how Paul was a space alien… not joking, here. I learned to let him make comments in class in an accepting way, and then quickly turn it back to the material. Part of the way I did that was to make sure to give him time for one-on-one discussions afterwards, so that he knew he was going to be heard. Nothing that he ever said in class was uncomfortable, just X-Files like. So, he’d raise his hand, I’d call on him, but I worked it as a brief interaction with him. It was a bump in the road for every lesson, but honestly, I thought it worked well by giving him his moment without shouting him down. In a way, it helped the dynamic of the group to realize that anyone could make a comment and that in that RS room, we would treat it with respect. But that was an extreme case.
What I frankly disliked more was the occasional comment from more mainstream members that would go off… “this lesson reminds me of a long, pointless story that I will now tell you.” What is most frustrating to teachers is derailing comments that fall into one of the following categories:
– extra lengthy monologue
– off topic
– contrary
Conversely, what I used to really appreciate were comments along these lines:
– affirmation of the concepts being discussed
– questions posed by those earnestly trying to understand (even if I couldn’t answer them)
– brevity
So, that’s the basics. But when you really want to say something that isn’t mainstream, the question is how to make it fall closer to the second group than the first group above. I love Ray’s thoughts in this area and I fully acknowledge that Ray is the master in this arena. I’ve learned much from him and his approach to this very question. In addition, I think a great way to approach it is that if you feel like you really want to participate more than once every 6 months, I would suggest getting a look ahead at the lesson. Lessons aren’t really surprises. I know we will talk about Jesus Christ from the JFS manual this Sunday, and that we will talk about the Plan of Salvation the 2nd Sunday in February. SS is even easier, because it is every Sunday in sequence, with no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc, Sunday rule. Just take a look. If there is something in that lesson that you feel strongly about, then there are options.
One option is just to shoot your hand up and blurt out a comment that you might later regret. That’s what looking ahead would be meant to avoid.
Another would be to figure out a way to make a comment that is in the form of a self-examining question. For example, There will be a lesson this year for the adults from the JFS manual (lesson 20) called “Love and Concern for All Our Father’s Children”. Man, this is a perfect opportunity! I may have to go to this one. During the first part of this lesson, there is a great section on how all people are on the same team (my words). President Smith’s words are quite beautiful: “We believe in the dignity and divine origin of man. Our faith is founded on the fact that God is our Father, and that we are his children, and that all men are brothers and sisters in the same eternal family… And because all men are our brothers, we have a desire to love and bless and fellowship them—and this too we accept as an essential part of true worship.” Imagine a person raising their hand and humbly saying, “You know, I was reading through this the other day, and I’ve been thinking about this a lot. One thing I’ve been trying to figure out in my mind is how can I find a way to be more inclusive of people who are homosexual? I used to think of it in pretty black & white terms, but I’m starting to realize that these people didn’t choose to be the way they are, and I just struggle with how to be a better person towards them.”
Thank you for the recommendations and the suggestions.
On Own Now wrote:Conversely, what I used to really appreciate were comments along these lines:
– affirmation of the concepts being discussed
– questions posed by those earnestly trying to understand (even if I couldn’t answer them)
– brevity
“
Long winded was never one of my issues, even my post mission talk we got out early.
:clap: I need to do better at keeping my comments in the affirmation and it is good to have a reminder.On Own Now wrote:One option is just to shoot your hand up and blurt out a comment that you might later regret. That’s what looking ahead would be meant to avoid.
Another would be to figure out a way to make a comment that is in the form of a self-examining question. “
The first option is usually more my style, so, I will have to work on doing the second.
Again thank you for the recommendation.
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