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If you thought you knew one of the anonymousposters on staylds in real life based on some of their anonymous comments here and specifics about their life (profession, calling, family situation, mission location, whatever, etc.) would you approach them to offer a “hand of fellowship” (I hate that expression!!!!) to find out if it was, in fact, them? Would you risk the embarrassment for them or for you if you were not correct (or the potential embarrassment if you werecorrect?) If someone in the real world recognized you based upon anonymous things you’ve posted here would you want them to connect with you? I was wondering if I knew one of the posters here based upon several posts they had made recently. (Specifics about employment, family situation, etc.) I considered whether or not it would be a good move to reach out in the real world. But, as I read more of their older posts, it became apparent it was NOT the person I thought it was. I’ll admit, I was disappointed. I was a little excited that I had found (potentially) a real-life friend on staylds who was going through a very similar church experience as me based upon their posts here. At this point, I only talk to DW (but not in great specifics) about my church “situation,” so having someone in the real world to talk to about it would have been a welcome relief.
(PS – I know its a big world and alot of us have similar stories, but it’s not impossible that someone you or I know is here with us anonymously. Years ago, I came across an anonymous blog. After a short time, it became clear to me who the writer was. No doubt. I had served very closely with him/her in a ward several years ago, socialized together, knew the entire family, etc. I did NOT contact the person and decided to allow him/her the anonymity of the internet. They had posted some really sensitive personal info. Plus, based on the blog, we were in very different situations church-wise at the time — which is what his/her blog was about.)
I probably would do one of two things: send a Private Message saying you might know the person and asking about an aspect of their life that would identify them without them having to provide a real name (like, “Do you have a son/daughter named __________?”) or talk to the person you think it might be and say something like, “I think I might have read something you wrote online. Do you participate in group discussions online?” If the answer is, “No,” nothing really risked.
I would love to find someone I knew on StayLDS. I do know several folks from this board…but we didn’t know each other before we joined.
I did recognize an individual on NOM a couple of weeks ago. I immediately contacted him and told him to change his avatar and delete some posts, as I was sure my family would have recognized him as well and some of the things he was saying was not meant for those people. Way too personal, and not the kind of thing family should find out from a random NOM post.
Being the queen of subtlety, I just message folks with some of my info. Often, I use my real name in PMs. I figure if I put myself out there first, it breaks the ice. I’m facebook friends with many people I’ve met on various message boards which keeps life interesting because they cross a very wide spectrum of belief, from ex-mormons to apologists. I’ve met several people in my stake just by putting a bit of personal info on a thread or sending a quick PMs. Someone here found me recently that way also. I’ve run into a fellow I taught in seminary almost 15 years ago and a couple of people I knew in college. It really is a small world.
I say reach out to the suspected StayLDSer. If you guessed right, it will be a rewarding experience. If you guessed wrong, they probably won’t have a clue what you’re talking about anyway.
One of my former mission companions didn’t recognize me online (she was a lurker), but she totally knew who I was when I told her. She said she had read lots of my stuff here and on NOM. I think it’s pretty cool. Those are people who “get” you in a whole different way. LDSThomas wrote:If you thought you knew one of the
anonymousposters on staylds in real life based on some of their anonymous comments here and specifics about their life (profession, calling, family situation, mission location, whatever, etc.) would you approach them to offer a “hand of fellowship” (I hate that expression!!!!) to find out if it was, in fact, them? Would you risk the embarrassment for them or for you if you were not correct (or the potential embarrassment if you werecorrect?) If someone in the real world recognized you based upon anonymous things you’ve posted here would you want them to connect with you?
Yes to all three. Depending on the other person’s intent, it’s both my hope and fear that someone would recognize me and reach out.
Thanks for all the replys. As usual, good thoughts, good insights and good suggestions. LDSThomas
I’d go with the PM thing, myself. FWIW, I’d love to meet many of you as I feel I know some of you very well already. I’d like to have the opportunity to sit down for lunch or at a coffee bar (I wouldn’t drink coffee, but you could) and just talk about things. I love this site because we can be open and honest, and while I do enjoy the anonymity here, I wouldn’t necessarily feel the need to be anonymous with someone who also had doubts and with whom I could be open and honest about my feelings and thoughts in real life. No offense to anyone here or to the nature of the forums – this place is my refuge – but to have someone to sit with me and just chat realtime, face-to-face, would be so much better. Note: There’s no contradiction in statements in the above – I prefer to be anonymous here only because anyone could read this and we really never know who is reading. I would prefer my stake president and bishop, for instance, don’t know my doubts and questions. One-to-one in real life is a different setting all together.
In the last 6 days, I’ve had remarkably open conversations with two people in my stake about church history and doctrine. Both knew the details about polyandry, polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, and other unsavory aspects of our history. One came right out and said JS instituted polygamy because he had an overactive sex drive and an overactive sense of self-importance. The other predicted women as priesthood holders and gay marriage sealings in the temple in the next 20-30 years. I had thought both were TBMs. Both are BYU graduates, one is a counselor in a bishopric and one is a young men president.
While I don’t think either is a “member’ of staylds it certainly sounds like they could be. It makes me wonder how many of us and our brethren are out there.
I’m not trying very hard to be anonymous, and I wouldn’t really mind openly discussing things IRL with somebody who is open to discussing things. If I recognized a friend/family member/somebody I liked here, I’d send them a PM to verify it’s them and I’d be pleased to make that sort of IRL connection.
I’m not sure I would do anything. I might just try to talk to them more often and try to get to know them better to see if I could become more confident about my guess. It would probably depend a lot on who it was, too. As an introvert, I don’t often feel the need for more friends than I already have. Talking with someone anonymously online about a specific subject is totally different than talking to them in person—to me, at least. Doing one doesn’t mean I’d enjoy doing the other, per se. Sounds like I might be in the minority that way. 
If I met someone in real life who I recognized here, I would probably first try to verify that it is in fact the person. I might steer the conversation into a path that determines the extent to which they are the person I know online. I would consider posting something on Stay LDS such as “If someone recognized you in real life from your postings here on StayLDS, would you want them to ask if you were the online person?”.
I might also PM them and ask if they are who I think they are, but give them the option of not being forthright if it made them uncomfortable.
I would meet them at the level they wanted and hope that eventually, they would “come out”.
Frankly, I would love to run into many of the people I have gotten to know here over the last 3-4 years. And get to know your face-to-face personnas.
For a while I thought someone I knew was one of the people on here (wayfarer), so I asked if he did social media. He said he was too busy reading books. We used to have some really good chats. One of the people I leant on during the “raw” stage of my faith transition. (By the way, where is wayfarer? I’ve not seen him on any forums for ages. He lead the thoughtful faith Facebook group for a while but dropped off that too).
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